Part 12: Myth-o-matical

What's going down in the Klacemobile?





I don't know what's more What The Fuck: how awkward a phrase like 'shocked back into coherence' is, or Dazz's character design. Fucking look at that shit.

Sorry -- I was a world away, there.

That's fine. I mean, given what happened and all.

Part of me is worried. And a part of me hates that I am...

I'm not worried for Klace though...And not even for those around him. I care more about our own careers.

Thaaaaaat's showbiz!

Who will you play guitar for...? Who will I sing and dance alongside?

Forgive my foolishness...I should never have said that.

...

So far, every single person in this game is either completely batshit or totally unlikable.

There's no need to apologize. I thought the same things...A death is absolute. It can't be changed. What happens to us, however? Well -- it's malleable. Worry is normal.

Perhaps it is also partly denial...One of the steps we go through in grief.



Can we talk about how Dazz's abdomen is like three inches across? Is she wearing an invisible girdle or something?



This makes it sound like idols that Singe manages die fairly frequently.

I don't want to be like that. Emotion is what makes us truly alive. I bet they're talking about the tour...

They'll probably just address the press...And then forget that Klace even existed!

Good god I have never seen a writer abuse ellipses this much.



With that outfit, you're certainly becoming a flasher.

They're in a fast-paced business, Dazz. They need to roll with punches like this. You and I have time to adapt. But they'll be in the spotlight pronto. Also, they -were- talking about the tour.



Rocker knows what's going to happen: they are going to snort so much cocaine that Ozzie Osbourne will kick the door in and tell them to take it down a notch.

Maybe if I tell you -- you'll understand. Then maybe you can put this worry aside too.

Really?

Yeah. Singe is engaging in damage control. He needs to minimize any refund requests.





And this won't come across as a creepy cash grab profiting from Klace's death...how?

...That's extremely cold.



And this makes it seem like Singe's idols die regularly, and he has a habit of staging creepy memorial tours immediately afterwards.

I suppose. So -- a vigil, then? What's going to happen there?

Drugs, sex, Hell's Angels stabbing a dude to death in a port-a-potty, more drugs

Oh wait you meant the concert itself

Hmm...



Get ready for one of my "favorite" parts of the game!

Excuse me? Is that even relevant right now?

If you'll listen, I'd like to think so.

Very well...



Yepppp! For no reason, Rocker is dropping a creation myth on us.

Though one day, it flinched. It started to move -- like a cloud. And soon after that, like a hurricane.

It moved and moved. Some chaos rose to the top. The light. This created heaven -- or Takamagahara.

But some of the chaos was dark in nature. It wasn't worthy of ascending to heaven. It stayed at the bottom -- becoming Earth.

A Kami was born between the light and dark. A God known as "Ame-no-Minakanushi". Or -- "All-Father of the Originating Hub".

I'm sorry, I have to stop you there...I don't buy into this "religion" stuff.



'Spouting' is right. I don't remember Dazz asking you to dump this on her for no reason.

Are those not one and the same?

...Please allow me to continue. A large rainbow connected Heaven to Earth. It acted as a bridge between worlds. "Ame-no-Ukihashi" it was called.

And sometimes, Mario and company would race on it.



For Christ's sake, couldn't he have just said 'look up Japan's creation myth on Wikipedia." ?

Earth was still a puddled mass of nothing. Izanagi and Izanami stood on the bridge...They looked down at this nothing in awe.

Izanagi was gifted a spear from Minakanushi. He thrusted this spear into the dark puddle. Upon pulling it out -- it started dripping.

These drops stayed on the surface...They formed the islands of Japan. The first land mass on Earth was born.

They were tasked with descending the bridge. They went down and finished creating Earth.

Izanagi engaged in a purification ritual. He washed away all of his impure aspects. And he used them to aid in the creation.

Please stop talking.



Our planet is made from the dead flesh of gods!



Marvel at Klace's expert use of dashes grinding up against one another.



The more I look at Dazz, the more her character design makes me eyes bleed. Ignoring her super-thin waist, her neck also looks like its barely thicker than a straw.

How does this relate to the tour -- or us?

I'm about to get to that.

Singe is altering the entire tour. It will be a re-telling of this story. The set list will symbolize this creation.

Why? Nobody outside Japan will get any of these references.

Actually, you know what? The loss of his biggest idol has just driven Singe insane. He's probably locked Jade in the room with him so he can duel her for the Galactic Pancake Championships.



This sounds like a how-to guide on how to piss off the families of every single murder victim.

Hmm...Elaborate. I didn't think Singe would do that much. Now I feel bad for assuming what I did.

Singe is currently interrogating a throw pillow with a candy cane to learn its secrets, so maybe your initial judgement was sound.

It's okay. You didn't know.

So...Will we perform covers, then? Of Klace's hits, and other relevant songs?

You got it. But then you come in. The tour will end with a special surprise.

A special surprise?

Yes -- an announcement from you. You'll be taking over the world tour. You'll be headlining, Dazz!



Why isn't Singe telling her this himself?

Something more, huh...?

Yes. We'll be saying goodbye to Klace. And welcoming a new idol to the world.

I suppose I should be honored.

Being enormously creeped out is also a valid reaction.



Thanks Rocker, never would have guessed you'd be the guitarist.

Thanks...

But I'm not sure about Shock. Him and Klace are childhood friends. He may take this harder than any of us.

"Hey Shock, we're capitalizing on the death of your best friend! Hope that's alright!"



Getting a creation myth vomited on you takes a lot out of a girl.



Exposition is a hell of a workout.





Yes he is, and it's all your fault.





Funds toward soup kitchens, I hope. The constant bread riots are starting to worry people.





Here's a character that has a name but I only refer to as Bojack Horseman.



Also Dusk looks like he was traced directly from Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron.

This is excellent news.

Excellent? Shouldn't he be pissed that Konrad and Endymion are wasting time instead of bringing Rabies right to him?

They should be here within the day. Unless there are any unforseen delays.

Thank you for informing me. You've done a wonderful job, Dusk. I am informed -- and my treasury is full.

I do as any loyal citizen would. Your flattery honors me.

Please await their arrival at the gate. I have some matters to attend to in private.

Of course.

Hmm...I suppose it was about time. I need to prepare myself for what's to come.

Reiyo? You can come out now.



It's Furry Outsider! I can't get over how his shirt looks like it's tied together with shoelaces.

I did not call you here to insult me.

Right. I apologize, Master.

I wanted to thank you.

Thank me...?

Yes. Things are going as we planned. I don't believe we are under suspicion.

It is going well, indeed.

4.





At least we find out why his blurry throneroom has two seats. Does nobody ever ask why or does he just lie about it?



Klace couldn't even bothered to find an image for this part, huh?





Besides the famine plot point that came up earlier, lines like this really start to drive home that Terra's kind of a shithole and Velasquez isn't a very good king. Don't worry, there's tons more evidence that piles up later on.



I spy with my little eye, at least six people dying from cholera.



Okay that guy over there just coughed up a lung.



And we just walk by a mugging in progress.



Did anyone just hear the death rattle of a homeless person?

We turn a few more corners. So much turning. I'm surprised we haven't ended back up where we started. They mentioned we were going to a tavern. "The Wayfarer's Tavern". For at least two reasons. To submit my immigration papers -- and check their mail.

Aren't those both things that absolutely could wait until we go see Velasquez?

Part of me wishes I could have come here on my own. Instead -- I'm being dragged around by these two.

I'm not sure if coming to this planet alone is a great idea. There is a non-zero chance that the gangs around here engage in cannibalism.

Maybe I could have enjoyed the sights if I did. Instead of being taken on a "major mission" right away. It seems that I'm working on everyone else's schedule.

I still haven't been able to fully relax. Not on Earth -- and definitely not on Terra.

Of course, before I can continue thinking -- they stop. I come crashing into both of their backs embarassingly.



I ping-pong between Konrad having a cockney accent or the most annoying surfer dude voice imaginable.



At least then you'd actually kill somebody.

Either way. I didn't mean to cause a scene. I only meant to turn and address you. I thought I should explain things more. We're not just here for your papers.

I was wondering about that, actually. "Checking their mail" seemed like it could wait.





FOR FUCK'S SAKE

YOU'RE ASSASSINS

KILL HIM

KILL HIM



YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO STAB HIM

JUST MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH



I object to this statement.

The mercenary Caylen was promptly arrested. We believe the servant Kabu was as well. However, Caylen's goal is to planet evidence. Evidence we will uncover during a "visit".

And who the hell are you going to report it to? Remember guys, your very existence is supposed to be a secret.





This plan seems unimaginably convoluted.

I barely realize it, but we've started walking again. I must've been too engulfed in the talking to notice.

Having Plair's trust is a major aspect. We're free to make a "startling discovery". Just as soon as Caylen plants the evidence?

Wouldn't it be about a hundred times easier to plant the evidence yourself, especially since Plair apparently trusts you?



5.

We're definitely in his good books. We'll be able to continue unhindered. We couldn't hand you to Plair, however. We needed you to blend in with everybody. This is why we're taking you to the tavern.

So, along with handing in your papers? We're hoping we got mail from Caylen. Then we can further plan the Plair scenario.

If Rabies is the first person you've actually brought to the tavern to fill out the immigration forms, that in itself is gonna be suspicious as all hell.

Endymion and Konrad stop in their tracks again. But this time, it's because we've arrived at the tavern.

Rabies? Once we get inside, keep a low profile. Try not to arouse any unwanted attention.

You mean don't shout and scream about being kidnapped? Tall order.

We can't have any conflict inside. Take it from me -- this place is busy. There are people here from other worlds. Try not to stare, if you can do one thing. They don't take too kindly to prying eyes.

And here's the game's one explanation for why there's absolutely no unity of design between any of the characters.



I can already smell the seats caked in blood and vomit!