The Let's Play Archive


by Blarghalt

Part 15: Drunk Time Magic

Klace's bodyguard took a train and a bus and a plane out of Tokyo.

"It's almost as if his location has changed, somehow."

How convenient.

We found a letter in his room, though. It simply reads: "I'm sorry".

Hmm. An admission of guilt, perhaps?

It doesn't seem that way. If he did this -- he wouldn't be sorry. In fact, he wouldn't leave anything behind.

Number of people that have regretted killing someone: 0.

It seems to be more of a genuine apology. Perhaps he's ashamed that he failed us. It was his duty to protect Klace, after all.

I like to think that the general stress of his job and Klace's death has just driven Singe completely off the deep end, as evidenced by him thinking the Shinto Creation Myth Memorial Tour was a good idea.

I'm getting the image of Jade just carrying on a normal conversation while Singe is just jabbering nonsense while trying to eat his computer and it's hilarious. The game is simply translating his ravings for us!

Or maybe it was to throw us off the trail. Now he'll just go live in silence. We need to hunt for him -- immediately.

Are the cops just not considering this guy a prime suspect or something?

That's a pretty far-fetched theory. I don't mean any offense, Singe.

Far-fetched, coming from you? I thought you relished in "far-fetched". Things being both alive and dead at once.

You write about quantum mechanics all day. And you say my theory is far-fetched? At least I've based mine on reality.

There's something funny about the implication that Jade barely does her job and spends all of her time writing about not-quantum physics instead.

I'm sorry, Jade. That was rude of me. It's just been a really long night. And I don't think it'll end anytime soon.

I'll accept your apology. You're under extreme duress, after all.

Also because Klace doesn't know how to program a fight scene into this game.

Thank you. So what do we do now?

I think we just move on with our lives. There's not much else we can do. We'll just pay attention to media reports.

Said the lady who tried to explain the entire murder mystery to a person who was basically a complete stranger.

It's not that simple.

It is that simple!

I do agree, but we can't just sit around. The tour isn't going to run itself. We have lots to do -- and in so little time.

First and foremost, a new bodyguard. We'll need to hire some protection. Not just for Dazz -- but for everyone.

I have a few candidates gathered here. I went on a little hunt for CV's. And I've already run the background checks.

WANTED: (1) Bodyguard to protect idiot band members. No experience necessary. Glowing tattoos a plus. Contact Jade or Singe when he isn't worshiping a shrine he made out of a toilet and duct tape.

- Singe, noted sane person.

Don't mention it. I'm just doing what you pay me for. I recommend the candidate named Acheron. His past experience is very impressive. That -- and he has a perfect track record.

Very well. I'd like to see him. Can you call him here immediately? I'm sure he'll understand our predicament.

Of course, Singe. But one more thing. What should we do with the contest winners? The sun will rise soon, and I have no idea.

"The sun will rise soon"

Absolutely no fucking native English speaker would phrase 'it's almost morning' like that. Klace is Canadian, so it's not like he can use the secondary language excuse.

I had completely forgotten. It's always something, isn't it? Bring them to me when they wake up, okay?

I'll decide what to do when I meet them. This has turned into one huge headache.

And so Rabies McFutts returned to the United States and ushered in an age of darkness that reigned for o'er a thousand years.

Speaking of Rabies, looks like he's also taken a plunge into the sea of madness.

Hey -- are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost!

I'm pretty sure seeing Kila is objectively worse than seeing a ghost.

I don't really believe in ghosts all that much. But I'd assume I'd feel the same at seeing one for real. This is the last possible thing I expected to happen.

Snap out of it, okay!? There's lots to talk about here.

That much was true. I'm snapped back into reality. Perhaps a thorough explanation of this can help me. Because right now I'm still wondering why Kila is here. I decide that this is a good question to start with.

Well -- I remember one last thing. We were in the hotel, watching some TV. And they reported that Klace was killed...

And Rabies was rooting around the room for a blunt object to strike Kila with.

Wondering if Righty knows something about Klace? Well keep wondering, because this line is never elaborated upon.

But then, that's all I remember from Tokyo. As quick as I saw that -- I was here. I thought I was hallucinating or something. I panicked and eventually collapsed. I ate a face full of soil, embarrasingly [sic].

I was on the ground for a really long time. That is -- until this guy found me.

He motions his head towards Righty.

Yeah -- that's how it happened. I didn't think the ritual would bring two. So as soon as I could, I snatched Kila up.

This doesn't make sense for a variety of reasons. Is there any real reason it brought both Kila and Rabies? Did Kila pop out first? If so, how did the assassins not notice?

Okay, so Kila did arrive first. Again, how they notice notice a giant fucking squirrel getting hurled into the dirt near them?

I'm starting to think those two are less stupid and more blind and deaf.

I had to find a chance to get you alone. That's why I invited you down here to talk. Kila has told me a lot about you, as well.

Can I continue now...?

Yes, of course.

Righty told me his side of the story. Let me just say -- it makes way more sense. I think you're following the wrong guys.

You know, I hadn't considered the possibility that Velasquez keeps the assassins employed because he finds their bumbling antics amusing.


I'm not sure how to make this any clearer. The King -does- want Lord Plair to lose. But this Caylen matter is totally separate. There's blatant holes in their orders. But they're too loyal to the King to see. They followed without a single objection.

But Righty here thinks before he acts. He's not a thrall to this "Velasquez". I think he's the good guy here, Rabies.

What do you think? You have my back -- don't you?


I'd start a count of plot points that are never explained, but I don't think numbers go that high.

I explained everything to Kila. He had a revelation -- about the ritual. He said that your world suffers from it?

Oh, right. I nearly forgot about that. This whole world -- and the ritual? It ties into the Midnight Deaths.

Your two friends, Endymion and Konrad. The ritual they're performing? It's the sole cause of The Midnight Deaths!

Thank God Kila's explaining a mystery that was resolved a whole chapter ago.

Interesting line of thought. I ask him to elaborate. I want to see if his thoughts line up with my own.

Well, their ritual was once a day. And it had to be at the same time, too! The same rules as The Midnight Deaths. There is a time difference, though. Midnight on Earth could be day time here. Regardless, the ritual steals and Earthling.

And when an Earthling comes here, they die. At least -- they do on Earth. For some reason they live on in Terra.

So this place is literally Hell?

There's no other explanation.

'Glaring holes' is about the only actual trait Kila's theory has.

Hey -- you're right. In that case, I don't know.

Furthermore, his theory assumes some odd things. First of all, that Klace is alive and well on Terra. And second -- that we are both dead on Earth.

I decide not to tell him about The Ark. I play alongside his process of thought. If his theory were true -- there would be three rituals. One for Klace. One for him. And one for me. I direct that challenge to Righty.

And if Rabies is so important to Velasquez, why didn't he just have the assassins spam the ritual?


It can't be a coincidence, though! They're way too similar to ignore! You and I standing here is proof of that. A small timing issue can't prove me wrong. Everything still kind of lines up.

That's not true at all. Klace isn't with us. And Righty says the ritual was only ever performed once. It pokes holes all over Kila's theory. But there has to be a reasonable explanation.

Perhaps the ritual brought all of you. But you just travelled [sic] at different speeds? This would compensate for the difference.

No -- it can't be that. We were still on Earth past midnight. Let me think about this for a moment.

I got it! You know the news report? It was on TV an hour after Klace's death. What if time on Terra just moves faster? If one hour there -- is one day here? Well it explains everything perfectly. The ritual of another day brought us here!

I refuse to accept that this is an actual explanation. This is literally just Klace mumbling an excuse at us and hoping the reader won't press it.

Poor Klace, alone and pantless on a strange world.

That's possible. It's not an overly huge difference. Besides, Endymion and Konrad did talk about time's flow. I still dislike the implication that we're both dead.

As if Rabies the Immortal Cog Monster could ever die.

But some of this is just wishful thinking. We don't know the specifics about either world. Namely -- the amount of rituals and Midnight Deaths. If we did, we'd be taking steps in the right direction.

But again -- there were too many coincidences at play. I'd have to stop considering the deaths a mystery now. We needed specifics -- but it clearly involved Terra. And the King's ritual was the most probable cause.

Hey, at least this way they're causing somebody's deaths!

Either way -- we can't learn the truth. Not while chilling down in a wine cellar. I'm sure you can agree with me on that one.

Righty cracks his knuckles loudly. He then stares down at me, menacingly.

One very important question remains. One that you -can- answer here and now.

Who do you believe...? Will you go back upstairs? Will you travel with Endymion and Konrad? Even though the King lies to all of you?

Or will you come with us? We can rescue Caylen as a team. And his testimony will expose Velasquez.

Considering Plair apparently had the authority to arbitrarily arrest Caylen in a courtroom, I don't really think his testimony is going to change matters.

I can't guarantee your safety if you leave. I won't be able to watch over you anymore. But if you side with us. I'll keep you safe.

An immortal ruler that for some inexplicable reason allows open elections.

You're going to come with us, right...? I mean -- we're friends and stuff.

This is a hard decision to make. If I sided against Endymion and Konrad, they'd hate me. I'd probably make enemies out of Velasquez's assassins.

Oh no! I hope they don't assassinate Rabipfffffthahahahahahaha

But on the other hand? Caylen might not have proof. The King may not even be as bad as Righty claims. There's also the risk of the rescue mission failing. That -- and I'd have assassins out to get me.

Siding with Righty and Kila seems very risky. I might not be able to complete my mission as savior.

What's Kila gonna do? Drag us to an even creepier maid cafe?

But Endymion and Konrad will bring me right to the King. I'll be able to hear the plan from the man himself. This would be the easiest route for me to take. Especially if I want to help the man in The Ark.

But what if Velasquez -did- want to use me for evil? There's a chance that meeting him could condemn me. Once we're face to face -- he could do anything.

And what if Endymion and Konrad have a secret agenda? They are assassins after all -- not peacekeepers.

This is a tough choice indeed. I wish it were as easy as the choices back in Tokyo. Things are getting far less black and white on Terra. I stand in silence -- thinking of what to say next.

This is an important decision. So important, in fact, that I'm putting it up to a vote!

Who do we side with? Garbage and Smoky, or the two bumbling idiot assassins? Cast your vote in bold! Buy a fursuit! DEHUMANIZE YOURSELF AND FACE TO BLOODSHED