The Let's Play Archive


by Blarghalt

Part 16: A Low Bar

The results are in! We're siding with the assassins!

Sorry Kila, you poisoned the well.

And Righty, stop stealing shit from Telltale Games.

When the hell was that established? All the Furry Outsider basically said was "some men are trying to summon you and I'm going to let them for shits and giggles".

This isn't something I could just tell them. Nor is it something I would expect them to believe. So for now -- they might secretly resent me.

Endymion and Konrad had no reason to lie to me. And if the King tried anything heinous towards me? I could just use my power to escape his grasp.

There's also the fact that the King trusts them. It would be easy to just walk in and meet him. This was the best course of action for my mission.

Why does Rabies feel at all obligated to carry out said 'mission'?

I'm afraid it's too late, Kila. Your friend is under the King's spell, too.

I don't know about that, Righty. I think he's smart! Perhaps he's planning something on his own.

Believe me, if there was an option to tell both sides to go fuck themselves, the vote would have been unanimous.

I dunno Kila, this is a pretty big betrayal. You'd be totally justified in never talking to us again. And just to be safe, I'd also never come near us again. Boy, Rabies would hate that.

No harm will befall your friend by my hand. However, I will be unable to protect them. My focus now lies in rescuing Caylen.

That's a shame. Righty would have been a great ally to have. If he were to protect me -- there's nothing I'd fear. Alas, this was not going to happen. At least not yet.

Although, I'm sure Endymion and Konrad were strong. And we had strength in numbers -- not just strength.

I guess you aren't the type to see reason. You should go back upstairs to your friends. Kila and I have much to discuss.

It's truly a shame, though. My plight fell on deaf ears.

I'm posting this image to demonstrate just how bad Klace's habit of using the same word to begin sentences is. Because of paragraph's formatting, the player plainly sees three 'I's stacked on top of each other.

I don't know how to react to this. I still trust you, though. I'll see you later -- if I have the time. But I guess Righty wants me to stay. Apparently we have some planning to do. But this isn't the last you'll see of me!

That feels vaguely worded as a threat.

I nod. I don't want to be on Righty's bad side. Right now -- the best course of action is to leave.


My ears perk up as Righty says my name. He interrupts me just as I'm about to turn away.

I sense that you still hold great honor. If you change your mind, I will welcome you.

And if we meet as enemies in the future? I will not use lethal means to subdue you.

Wow -- he's great at making people feel safe. At least he won't kill me if we ever end up fighting.

Follow me, Kila.

Good riddance, Kila!

I think Rabies is confusing 'happy' with 'drunk beyond reason'.

Much better than the faces I saw them wear earlier. At this moment, it seems that Terra doesn't need saving. Of course, that feeling was ephemeral -- as most are. I realize the happiness is most likely from the drink.

Each of them holds an overflowing stein in their hands. They seem to not care how much they're spilling. I try and figure out my next course of action.

I should probably go talk to Endymion and Konrad. They probably have some questions about Righty. And I'm curious to see if they got their mail. That -- and if they filed my paper correctly.

I'm sure they got their mail from Caylen. I didn't fully believe Righty's little story. Well -- even if there wasn't any mail? I'm sure there was a logical explanation.

I know, right? A bar having customers? What's the world coming to?

I nod.

People seem to forget what we are. At night -- we turn into a watering hole. No immigration papers to be found.

Not that it bothers me, of course. Everyone is on some journey of their own.

We cater to every type of person. People who've come a long way to be here. Or people who still have a long way to go.

Anyways, I saw you go downstairs. You must have had a chat with Righty.

I nod once more.

He always has something to say, that one. Sometimes I just think he's bored. He sits around all day on his own.

Isn't Righty supposed to be the leader of a mercenary group or something? How would he do that sitting around in the bar all day?

The current necrotic state of Phidget's mom?

We have our own special table. So we don't need to wait for any vacancies.

He points to a table near the corner of the tavern. I see Phidget sitting down. He's talking to himself. I shrug and say sure -- I didn't have anything to lose.

Great! Oh, and one more thing. While you're here -- you drink for free!

Rabies will run the taps dry to forget he's being forced to hang around these people.

He starts walking towards the table, and I follow. I wave to Endymion and Konrad as I pass them. I just want them to know that I'm not ignoring them. They wave back -- with a nervous look on their faces.

When we arrive at the table, I promptly sit down. I yawn loudly and stretch my arms. Hopefully I can just relax for a while now. I haven't gotten to do much of that lately.

Hey again, Rabies.

I sit there and wait for him to hold out his hand. But he doesn't do it this time. Interesting.

Yep, our status as savior is kind of common gossip by now. Just like your mom being dead!

That is -so- cool! I wish I was important like that. I haven't seen the King since I was little.

I glace over at PB. So he told Phidget...? Endymion and Konrad surely wanted him to keep it secret. I guess that PB is the type to "talk". I'll need to keep that in mind for the future.

Hey, don't look at me like that! Don't condemn me for telling Phidget! That's my best friend, you know!

I'm not sure whether that's sad or hilarious.

And besides, what kind of threat is he...? It's not like he could ever hurt somebody. That's my brother. I trust him forever!

Fair enough. Dropping it for now.

We had something to talk about, remember? I didn't take you over here to judge me.

This is more like the PB I saw earlier. Easily angered and extremely defensive.

Are you gonna let me talk to you or not?

God this dialogue just fucking drags. Remember how I said this game was built entirely out of the cutscene function of RPG Maker? Because of that, I can't fast-forward text, either!

Thank you. So if we could get back on track. I need to talk to you -- about Righty. I know that you two talked in the cellar. And I'm pretty sure I know what happened.

He hates King Velasquez with a passion. This is one of the reasons I dislike Righty. That hatred totally clouds his judgement.

Let me guess. Wanted to expose the King? Said he had some sort of evil plan?

I nod. That was actually an apt summary. Even if I didn't fully believe his story.

And also famine and I'm assuming the total societal breakdown that followed.

Well, except for --

I'll get there Phidget. Just hold on. History of his rule goes back millennia. He's been nothing but altruistic!

I know that Righty is strong and smart. But on that matter alone, he is biased. And I really have no idea why.

Phidget and I owe Velasquez so much. I don't know why he hired those assassins. But I trust his judgement unconditionally.

You shouldn't be concerned that he hired assassins, but you should be very very worried that the assassins he picked were Endymion and Konrad.

Seriously. How does the game expect me to buy that their service to Velasquez is a secret when it's established they're both incredibly loud-mouthed about their mission and people already know they're assassins?

I wonder if their relationship had to do with this. Endymion and Konrad did mention they were almost a trio. Perhaps Velasquez did something to make him back out. I think Righty mentioned some sort of "litmus test".

Hey, you there?

PB snaps his fingers as if to jerk me out of a reverie.

Someone please confiscate the thesaurus from Klace, please.

I'm trying to talk to you here. It's rude to stop paying attention.

He's right, and I apologize once more. This whole situation just gets more and more confusing. I don't know whose side is the "right" side.

Now, if you'll let me continue. Righty used to work for Velasquez.

The game just said Righty was almost an assassin. The assassins work for the king! HOW IS THIS A SURPRISE TO RABIES?

And I don't mean casually or anything. Righty was Velasquez's "go-to" man.

That's a surprise to me. I wonder what caused him to turn so drastically.

There was an incident about ten years ago. Me and Phidget were very young. Velasquez called it "The Exodus Project".

Exodus? That name seems eerily familiar to me.

You know, a competent writer would find a way to weave the exposition into the story. Can't have that, can we?

Terra is extremely open to immigration. We offer people a second chance on our soil. To start anew -- or to escape harm.

But once they arrive? They're kind of stuck here. Leaving Terra is impossible.

I'm beginning to suspect Terra is less a paradise and more a galactic dumping ground.


That's what makes us special. We're something like a one-way street.

Still better than your world, though. I heard that you have no open connections? I'm not sure how you even survive.

That's a good question, actually.

Famine, war, plague, Tiger Trump, why would people ever want to leave this utopia?

If people could come and go as they please? Terra would flourish for an eternity. No more overpopulation or famine.

The Mad Max-style gangs roving the streets might take a bit longer to fix, though.

That -- and Velasquez could expand. No more would he rule over just Terra. He could rule the entire galaxy, for sure!

And this isn't a supervillain's plan how?

Of course -- it didn't go as planned. One look around could easily tell you that.

It was a huge disaster -- people died. Either that, or they got stranded in space.

Our mother was one of these people.

Just think Phidget: when you look up at the vast sky at night, your mom's not just dead, she's dead among the cosmos!

Velasquez wanted only the smartest on Terra. Unfortunately, they suffered the most. We lost some of our key public figures.

But we know that Mom is out there. She'll come back one day -- she has to.

Yeah, she'll come back when her body re-enters orbit! She'll make one heck of a shooting star!

She was so smart!

Phidget exclaims this with pride.

If your mom's so smart, then why is she at the top of Terra Daily's Top 10 Most Deadest Moms?

Hey, I found a coupon for this tavern. "30% all drinks if your mom is dead!" I think we know somebody who could use a few of these!

Heh. Righty was close to our Mom, you could say. He felt responsible for her disappearance. Especially since he helped Velasquez out.

Velasquez needed to fix his public image. He needed to show people that he cared. There was some heat on him after all this.

You are reading this correctly. Velasquez engineered a disaster that killed thousands, and his apology for it was building a single fucking bar.

Velasquez wanted to create a landmark. And one of galactic proportions, I mean. So the people knew how to get back home.

He wanted word of Terra to spread. He wanted everyone to know about the Tavern. Eventually, the lost ones would hear of it.

How the fuck would they hear about it if nobody can leave Terra?!

More accurately, one day some roaming adventurer will throw Phidget's Mom's corpse through the doorway, say "look what I found! " and everyone will have a good laugh.

That's what keeps us going. With every second -- she gets closer.

She's going to be so proud of me. I've grown really big since she left. And I'm learning to be good at chores!

You're doing a great job, Phidget.

That's what I wanted to tell you, anyways. I don't think Velasquez is up to anything. At least, nothing like Righty believes. At first, the scope of this place was clear. But over time -- it's reason was lost. Now we're just a plain bar and office.

As this happened -- Righty changed, too.He got less and less interested in waiting. Perhaps he lost hope, assuming Mom was--

But Phidget, today's opposite day! Your mom is doing great and still has all of her major organs intact!


So -- Righty has a few reasons to hate. But we don't know what the real one is.

I try pressing him for it all the time. But he says he can't tell me. Something about being a "man of honor".

But he never leaves the tavern, or our side. I think he wants to "make it up to us". Even though I forgave him long ago.

There's a variety of reasons why Righty would wanna turn down being an assassin. The biggest one was probably "I'll have to work with those two idiots?"

The more time he spent here at the tavern? The more he hated King Velasquez. It grew and grew over a long period of time.

Are you sure Righty just isn't an angry drunk?

And that's all there is to it, really. His hatred seems to transcend everything. No matter how much good Velasquez has done.

And that is a -lot- of good. I'm sure you can agree with me. I mean -- just look at this tavern!

Yeah, just look at that guy over there beating another guy to death with a vomit-covered beer bottle! So much good!

I won't even dignify calling this bar a band-aid. This should have only made things worse. How has Velasquez not been lynched by now?

In the very least, I'm glad that PB told this to me. It solidified in my mind that Righty wasn't correct. He may have gotten to Kila, but I know who to trust. Endymion and Konrad will help me succeed on Terra.

Let's push matters of the past aside. I have my own theory on the future.

Whatever it is that makes you special? I think I know what Velasquez wants. He wants to helm another Exodus Project.

That is not a project with a good track record.

Whoa, really?

You're being hailed as a savior. I have no doubt in my mind. He used that term in the past as well.

Before the first Exodus Project? He promised that Terra would be saved. I'd say you have a long journey ahead. I guess it's only fitting you came here. "The Wayfarer's Tavern", I mean. I hope your journey is swift and safe.

Rabies sure hope nobody else lays down facts about Velasquez's terrible reign and tries to get him to side with them!

And I hope they were able to rescue Caylen. I didn't really believe his entire story. But Caylen -was- in jail, that much was certain. I decide to ask PB about his thoughts on Lord Plair.

Well -- some people don't like immigration. They think it's harming Terra irreparably. Lord Plair is just one of those men.

Not to side with Tiger Trump, but the guy might have a bit of a point when it's been established Terra suffers from famine. Regular famine, by the way they've been talking about it.

I can see where he's coming from. But he seeks a total severance. The Exodus Project was more admirable.

Life on an unconnected world? I'm not sure why Plair wants that. It seems like it would be impossible.

No offense, of course. I'm sure they made it work back on Earth.

None taken. In fact -- Terra was odd for me.

Well, thanks for listening to me anyway. I didn't mean to talk for so long. Ill let you get back to your friends.

I think listening to that exposition cost me a few IQ points and also a kidney.