The Let's Play Archive


by Blarghalt

Part 21: The Update Where Singe Goes Crazy

Upcoming is one of the highlights, that is, one of the dumbest parts of the game. I know that's a tall order, but trust me on this.

Inumi sits beside her, with Rook to his left. It seems like everybody is here, save for Jade. But when the doors open, people spill in. Sure enough -- she's among the press and citizens.

It seems like Acheron and Singe are getting along. They're lost in conversation amongst themselves. I would have started the conference long ago. But Singe is probably waiting for latecomers.

After a while, he picks up his microphone. It appears that every seat on stage has their own. Would I be expected to talk during this...? The moment Singe speaks, the crowd becomes silent.

Hey Singe, maybe it'd be a good idea to button up your goddamn shirt during a press conference.

I'd like to thank you all for coming. I know it's early, but this has to be done.

A longer wait, means more restlessness. And that means filling in the blanks. I've called you here to be fully open.

Something has hurt us profoundly.

Singe is of course talking about the first ten people in the phonebook he called twenty times accusing them of stealing his tail.

We'll carry it with us forever. It'll scar us for years to come. So please, be respectful.

Klace is dead. This is a very serious matter.


Singe really has gone crazy if he thinks that any of the reporters are gonna respect that request.

I understand some of you need notes. Especially the members of the press. But this is as far as we can go.

Actually, everyone take notes. There's gonna be a quiz later.

With that said, I will now begin.

I relay this news with a heavy heart. Last night -- our own idol passed away. At midnight, Klace was murdered.

The audience starts talking amongst themselves. I see several people scribbling down notes.

There's something hilariously absurd about people needing to jot down notes on the simple statement of "Klace is dead".

Ten-to-one a few of the reporters just wrote down 'autoerotic asphyxiation'.

Suicide was so unlike Klace. I mean, he'd never killed himself before.

With that said, I will take questions. But please remain considerate today. Remember, we are in a state of grief.

Who let the Daily Mail aggregator in here?

Feel free to ask whatever you like.

You mentioned the method of death. Asphyxiation under mysterious circumstances. Exactly how is asphyxiation mysterious?

A lack of oxygen is not mysterious. I'm afraid I'm a little confused.

The press in the audience starts nodding in agreement. As if this was the question on all of their minds.

You are correct, and I'm glad you asked. And I hope you ask the same to the police. They hastily branded these as suicides.

Klace had markings around his neck. They imply the use of a noose. But there was no noose at the scene.

Well then -- that is definitely odd. Thank you for answering my question.

Fukomoto returns to his seat. I'm surprised he didn't twist any of Singe's words.

Wait until tomorrow when Fukumoto writes an article about Klace's death titled "6 reasons SINGE is the murderer! #5 will shock you!"

This is why the official ruling is odd. The lack of evidence is very suspicious. And it implies several possibilities.

The body may have been moved post-mortem. Or the culprit made off with the evidence. Both point to the same shocking truth.

There were murders -- plain and simple.

The affected families deserve the truth! Why were our loved ones taken from us? And who committed these egregious crimes!?

I stand here today, speaking for the many. Those who lost their husbands, their wives. Even their children -- and siblings.

The police must re-investigate this case. They cannot give up so easily...! And they will have my full co-operation.

I'm pretty sure the police are not going to have a good reaction to finding out that a band manager is basically calling them out for shitty detective work.

'Enlightened' is not the fucking term I'd use for discovering the true culprit of a homicide case.

And to that end, I will move on. To the subject of our world tour. And precisely -- what will happen next.

I am proud to announce we will continue.The world tour will go on as it was planned.

The audience bursts into conversation again. It seems that they weren't expecting this announcement.

We will do what Klace would have wanted. Instead of backing down, we persevere. Dazz will head the tour in his place.

I'm pretty sure Klace would have wanted everyone to tear off their pants and wear fishnet shirts.

She has graciously agreed to this burden. I cannot thank her enough. Surely, it is a monumental undertaking.

He motions to the woman with yellow hair. Oh, interesting -- so that's who she was.

The launch will turn into a memorial. Not just for Klace, but for everyone. Every person affected by these deaths.

In fact, Singe has gone through the trouble of digging up the victim's corpses and wrapping them in Christmas lights so they can enjoy the memorial concert in person!

A series of his hits will be performed. But Dazz will sing some new songs, as well. Shock and Rocker will stay to help out.

We as a family, will honor the lost. As well as launch Dazz's new career. Trust me -- she is very talented.

That was definitely a lot to take in. I guess they have a steady supply of idols. She must be talented to follow in Klace's shadow.

I will open for questions one more time.

Is Fukomoto just the head of a reporter hive mind or something?


Are you worried for the safety of Dazz? And of the "luck two"? What if this culprit strikes again...?

What precautions have you taken?

Actually, I'm not worried about this at all. There is no evidence of us being targeted. But there -is- a little more to explain.

In fact, I have one last announcement. And I have full clearance to reveal this. Please do not assume I am leaking any info.

But have a seat while I continue.

Very well.

Now, this information is known only to me. I haven't revealed it to anybody. Not even those involved in the tour.

What could it be? I notice Acheron shifts uncomfortably in his seat. It looks like he's annoyed at hearing this.

Okay, so Singe has just taken Rabies and co. prisoner.

And it involves Armstrong Incorporated.

Wait -- he's keeping us in here...? And what does this have to do with Armstrong? Acheron's ears perk up -- and he looks visibly angry.

I know Maxine Armstrong piqued curiosity. Her arrival in Tokyo was quite mysterious. But today -- we will reveal the truth.

She gave me an offer when she arrived. And I wanted protection for everybody here. Both by hired guards -- and technology.

I want to make this perfectly clear. Without exaggeration, without hyperbole.


And just in case the wording isn't perfectly clear, here's text from an earlier version of the game where Singe specifically mentions the weapons detonating, because the weapons he's filled the building with are FUCKING BOMBS.


Unfortunately -- we couldn't protect Klace. I feel somewhat at fault for his death. I caved in under some pressure.

I initially had him on a tight leash. I didn't want him getting into trouble. But people said I was being too harsh.

I decided to give him some freedom. And then -- look what it caused. I should've stuck to my gut feeling.

I remember hearing something about that yesterday. That Klace was being kept on a really tight leash. They said it was because the public was scared of him. Because the deaths started as soon as he arrived.

I can see now that this was not the real reason. Singe was just trying to keep him safe from harm. I'm ashamed for not realizing that sooner. The explanations I heard earlier must've been lies.

I don't think the public was scared of Klace at all. It seems that it was Singe who was scared all along.

I apologize for getting off track there. But it was my answer to your question. That is why I'm not worrying anymore.

Aaaand now Singe has started a hostage crisis.

Said the guy who installed fucking C4 and machine guns in the rafters.

Trust in Armstrong Inc! The company so good, it split Sudan!

Acheron jumps out of his chair at hearing this. I can hear loud growls coming from his mouth. He's fuming, unable to control his anger. He must've been holding this in for a while.

Is that really in doubt at this point?


Singe is definitely surprised at this interjection. The audience is as well -- and they watch in fright.

Explain yourself at once, Acheron.

Think about what you're saying!

You want to keep everybody inside...? After you've lined the place with weapons!? You've turned us all into sitting ducks!

Armstrong's weapons can be hacked. They are not as foolproof as you think. Real manpower can never be replicated!

You can't be serious about this, Singe! Everybody important to Klace is in here! And now they're surrounded by weapons!

How can you be so foolish!?

This is the worst WWE match ever.

Of course -- I read your psych evaluation. A seething hatred for Maxine Armstrong. I should've expected this outburst.

Acheron, I advise that you back down. You're only compromising your position. If I fire you -- then she wins, right?

Compromise -- you say? You're the one compromising everything! You just told the world how to kill us all!

Hack some weapons -- set them off. We all need to evacuate immediately!

I sure as hell hope those bombs aren't motion-sensitive, on account of all the reporters fleeing from the building right now.

Hey, here's a cool life tip: install a bomb in your neighbor's house and then tell them, don't worry, only you know the disarm code. Tell me how it goes.

The fucked up thing is that I do believe Singe has thought this through, but in a sinister Batman villain kind of way.

That's a hell of a game plan.

Plan A: security guard. Plan B: blow everyone to hell.

And it looks like it might be starting to.

I'd suggest that you let go of me. Return to your seat immediately, Acheron. You're only making a fool of yourself.

You don't understand it like I do, Singe! Weapons can not keep people safe! People are supposed to keep each other safe!

You seem to be very worried, Acheron. You're scared of an infinitely small thing. A thing with almost impossible chances.

Why do you hate Armstrong so much? What did they take away from you...?

Singe is wearing a lab coat?

I am terribly sorry for that, folks. As you can see, we're all under duress. Part of why we said photography.

We're not ready for the spotlight just yet. I hope you can understand what I'm saying. Refrain from reporting that incident.

This room is full of very fired reporters.

But please, report everything else. Including the involvement of Armstrong. We thought it was the right time to know.

She is here to protect, not to harm.

How the fuck does a person utter the phrase 'this building is armed and ready' to an assembled press corps and not have the goddamn army show up?

Forced to push this button. This shiny, red, tempting button.

Riiight up until Singe's demands aren't met.

Thank you all for coming. Please leave of your own accord.

Singe bows to the audience and returns to his seat.

They start to file out of the room. This was all a lot to take in. I don't really know how I should feel.

I mean, am I a prisoner here now? I'm not allowed to leave? That's not really cool at all.

And we're surrounded by weapons...? That does make me feel a little uneasy. Was Singe certain they couldn't be hacked or set off?

Acheron has been extremely smart and knowledgeable. Was his outburst as incorrect as Singe let on? Or were we potentially all in a dangerous situation?

So far the closet thing to smart Acheron has done is solve the very simple math problem that Inmui couldn't finish, but even if Acheron was dumb as shit it wouldn't change the fact that his reaction was just how a sane person would react to hearing that the band manager just dropped grenades in every toilet.

I take a deep breath and try to relax. By the time I'm calm -- the room is empty. Save for those who are involved with the tour.

Nobody here except for the dozens of SWAT members swarming outside.

After a few moments pass, Singe turns to me. This is the first time he's addressed me directly.

Well, he tries to address Kila as well. But it seems like he's lost in thought again.

Singe, your face is probably on CNN right now for all the wrong reasons. Those reporters are not going back to work to report the weather tomorrow.

He smiles at us -- seeming a lot more calm. Or perhaps it's like he's less professional. I guess he can relax a little after a speech like that. Being professional all the time would get tiring fast.

I'm sorry about meeting like this. The circumstances are less than ideal. I was really looking forward to this.

The ringleader to this plot, so to speak.

I guess you could say that. But delegation is my expertise. It's why I have people like Rook and Jade.

I could never do this all by myself. I'd cave under the pressure pretty quick. Managerial duties are less than forgiving.

I have to ask -- why lock us up...? Do you really think that's a good idea?

At first, I thought it was. But now I feel like it won't be easy. At least -- not while Acheron is here.

Are you going to get rid of him then?

No -- of course not. He's acclaimed the entire world over. There's no better candidate for this.

Whether we agree with each other, though? It doesn't matter -- he'll get the job done. He'd never risk his "flawless" resume.

Getting the job done of calling the police and letting him no he's in no way involved with Singe's standoff with the Tokyo PD.

But Id love to talk more personally. Would you two stop by my office? It's better with less prying ears.

We have much to discuss together. And I'm sure you have many questions.

Yeah, like if the plane you're demanding will be going to Cuba or Nicaragua.

I definitely do, like--

Not here, Kila. But I'll happily answer them in my office. For your reference -- it's room 2-A.

Kila nods, and I do as well. It was definitely cool to be talking to the ringleader. I feel like he'd be able to answer all of our questions.

Okay, even the game is referring to Singe as a ringleader. How did Klace write this entire scene without his brain pulling a veto and going 'no, stop, this is stupid'?

But I wonder...Would he be sending us home? Or would he just tour with Dazz instead?

He gives us another smile before walking away.

Well, I guess I know where we're going. But I still have some stuff to think about. Meet me in front of 2-A when you're ready.

Kila walks away and exits the room. Everyone must have left while we were talking. Because now -- the room is completely empty.

I wonder what's bothering him so much. He's taken an interesting turn in the last little bit. I think he said something about his past...? He seemed uncool with getting involved in the media.

Creepy maid-obsessed guy has weird past, more on page 3.

Perhaps that's what he wanted to talk to Singe about. I step down from the stage, and see someone there. I could've sworn the room was empty just a moment ago. But it's a familiar face, so I go on to greet them.

How Jade's feathers haven't all fallen out from the sheer stupidity of her job, I'll never know.

Nice to see you again, Rabies. I almost thought I'd never get back. The media sure loved the limo.

They couldn't legally touch it, though. So I just drove as slow as I could. Sure enough -- they moved out of the way.

It was easy to blend in after that. I came back, pretending to be a civilian. It was good conference, considering.

Considering what? That Singe just catapulted himself to the top of the FBI's most wanted list?

Except for Acheron's outburst, of course. That seemed to startle everybody awake. It's been an early day, to say the least.

Sure, that's what got people's attention. Not that Singe has shoved enough dynamite into the basement to re-create Hiroshima.

But Singe is very professional. He played it off in a good way. He has a way of influencing people.

And that's something I find admirable. He's teaching me, and I have a lot to learn.

Hey Jade, has Singe ever waxed nostalgic about his glory days in the Symbionese Liberation Army?

Well, I don't really have much to say. Just wanted to talk about a couple things.

I wanted to say thanks for your visit. As well as putting up with my theories. A lot of people would've just walked away.

She says that like people have walked away.

But Klace's death shook things up. I don't really believe in that anymore. I mean -- let me put it this way.

I tried to invalidate his death, Rabies. I immediately came up with theories. You know -- could could he still be alive?

In my grief, I realized I was stupid. It sounded like a children's fantasy. How could I have ever believed that...?

If only she knew the stuff I had been through. I actually find it kind of funny, roles have reversed. She throws away this belief -- as I embrace it.

Tell me you didn't believe what I said...? You were clearly just humoring me, right?

Jade, despite your dumb theory being completely right, it was still dumb.

Also, I like how she admits that the first thing she tried to do when she heard Klace had died was write quantum fanfiction about him.

Thank you. I needed to hear that. But I wasn't comfortable asking anyone else. That's part of why I stayed behind.

Anyway, I guess I should get going. I guess you'll be staying here, now. Better make yourself comfortable, Rabies.

But between the two of us? That's not such a bad thing. There's plenty of amenities.

I'll be in touch, when I sort things out. It'd be nice to get to know each other more. And we seem to have time on our hands.

How does this game keep getting dumber. How how how how