Part 45: Good Ending
Without further ado, here is the grand finale of this terrible, terrible game. The "good" ending.
Everything Velasquez wanted turned out to be a colossal failure. Why would his Neo-Federation be any different?
Like an old friend, Death has finally come for Rabies.
Also, I still don't see how this fixes the Federation's energy problems. Rabies exploding is kind of a one-time deal, it's not like they have spare cog monsters laying around somewhere to stab.
Let's just get this over with.
And how exactly is the Federation connected? Is there casual FTL travel? Stargates on every planet? What?
Yeah, the Fringe Worlds kind of suck. First you start hearing banjo music and the next thing you know...
Who would want to attack Terra? That's like wanting to go on a killing spree in a graveyard.
It's not like Endymion's going to be doing a lot of good where he is now.
But Nami didn't die in suspension?
You're their king! You can order them to do whatever the fuck you want!
Wait, so Righty's an assassin? Did Velasquez still make him kill his close friends and family and Righty agreed to it for some reason?
Five minutes into the Federation being united and it already has an existential threat. But don't worry. It's too big to fail, right?
"Send some construction workers. We shall build three, no, four taverns on the Fringe Worlds."
Considering this threat is probably a band of space pirates called the Flesh Peelers, no.
Righty and Endymion will probably just blow up a few space stations and call it a day.
How is that not unsettling as hell?
"Well, my ability. I'll basically be babysitting Endymion."
Are the Reapers coming back or something?
How would a Senate even be feasible when there's literally billions of worlds? You'd need a building the size of Texas and change.
I like how Klace is consistent in not being able to name worlds. Next to calling a planet Terra or Gaia, making up a name and slapping a Prime on the end of it is the laziest planet naming convention there is.
I like how Terra's already starting to form an extortion racket.
Until Velasquez's mismanagement causes the economy to implode again.
And it's funny to me how even when Rabies supposedly fixed everything, the Federation's beset by threats and refugees and god knows what else. I'm starting to see why it failed!
If Rabies basically resurrected the Federation, what about the Imperator that Nagi and Nami stabbed? Is he still running things?
Did Velasquez previously try to micromanage every city or something?
There's something funny about a character saying other people have it hard when he himself is wearing potato sack clothes.
Wasn't Plair a bad guy previously? Wouldn't he be trying to gouge people?
Also, what happened to running for Mayor? Did the office turn to being called Governor for some reason?
And my faith in Velasquez's judgement grows dimmer by the minute.
I'm amazed anyone remembered Trish even existed.
Doesn't everyone on the fucking planet already know about the Tavern?
And since the tavern was built as an apology by Velasquez, wouldn't it get government funding anyway? Did Velasquez seriously just have the tavern built and then forgot about it?
I feel like the "breaking dishes" trait that Trish has was supposed to be some kind of running gag, but it never had a chance to actually become one because Rabies meets Trish a grand total of what, two times?
Trish's last paycheck will probably be a four foot long bill for all the glassware she broke during her employment.
Funny how Konrad still dresses like an "assassin" where in this timeline he apparently wasn't ever one to begin with.
This bar is just a magnet for failure.
A bustling town, as shown by the background image of a slum.
Time for the meeting of the sacks!
Isn't Kabu supposed to be meeting Caylen in his house?
"What's the price of your tomatoes?"
Did Kabu really need a trip to find the price of food? Couldn't he have written to a bunch of merchants?
I swear Terra is like one bad harvest away from having a communist insurgency.
So every single town has a Governor? Are there SuperGovernors that govern large geographic areas? Because the former sounds like a bureaucratic nightmare.
And the evil scheming guy became a Governor. Remember that this is supposed to be the good ending.
You know what isn't confusing? Your mom being worm food!
It's very possible Velasquez hired Trish as a jester.
How the fuck is "ruling in mysterious ways" acceptable by any standard?
C'mon PB, Phidget is family. Which means he's free labor!
Remember that this is a tavern, and people would never need to knock.
PHIDGET'S MOM IS ALIVE
THIS IS THE WORST TIMELINE
They didn't deserve shit.
I can't see any problems with Endymion being put in charge of the Space CIA.
Which is to say, Endymion and Righty's misadventures were told as a cautionary tale until the end of time.
Every terrible idea that passed through their skulls were taken seriously and the Federation was worse off for it.
So, the town got gentrified and pushed out all the poors.
There's something funny about how everyone else goes on to have some grand legacy and Konrad just gets shafted as a shitty barkeep in a shitty bar.
Like I said before, at no point in the game did it ever say Trish was good at making drinks.
Okay, no. You don't just unite two towns. And if Kabu needing to take a trip was any indication, these two towns are separated by some measure of geographic distance. And this isn't like Dallas-Ft.Worth we're talking about, it's basically two hovels.
Even in the good ending, Phidget's mom can't stay alive.
You're telling me the giant Federation of billions of worlds never had any kind of political turmoil or civil war ever?
So is Max still in charge of the weapons company or what?
Are you ready, folks? It's time to meet the man of the hour!
Isn't Singe's job to make sure Klace is always in the spotlight?
Maybe Jade wasn't joking when she was "joking" about all the negative traits Klace has.
God, even as a character in a video game Klace is fucking insufferable.
Kila will take the clown car and he'll like it.
Just remember Klace, Singe has a bomb with your name on it.
There's a part of me that's very uncomfortable because I know in my heart of hearts that Klace wrote an alternate scene where these two just fuck like animals.
Inumi disappeared into his clothes pile several days later.
A rescue expedition was not mounted.
Keep in mind this is the actual Kila we never met, but he still probably sucks due to sharing DNA with Shitty Kila.
This scene basically plays out identically to the bad ending one, but I'll be showing it all the same.
They way they say this makes it sounds like they've never actually gone on tour before.
So does Jade never bathe? Does she preen herself?
The beans will stay in the can where they are! <>
Jade hates liquids in general, really. Don't even get her started on Bromine.
I so wish Rook would just throw himself into the ocean.
I sure hope Rook had a backup tablet, because the entire tour schedule and Singe's finances were on that thing.
I can't believe Singe pays these two.
Unfortunately, Ferret-Gryphon marriage is still illegal in most countries.
Music critics calling Klace's music a "crime" and "a travesty". What do they know?
Rocker, you could always take the Uwe Boll route and just beat the shit out of your critics.
Shock the Humble.
PopStarrs are becoming an increasing rarity, what with them being classified as a Schedule II drug.
Shock broke the habit with PopStarr patches.
Does Inumi not know what the other members of Klace's band do?
Inumi could watch a faucet drip and he'd still be in awe.
Memories we'll never know because Dazz never dropped her sob story on us.
Please don't tell me Inumi is driving the limo.
"The Super Saiyan 3 Boob Wolf Lady said hello!"
"Watch every episode of Invader Zim with me!"
Bless Inumi's stupid, idiot heart.
I think this is the first mention we've actually had of Tokyo for the past 5 chapters.
Armstrong Inc. just recently bought out both Boeing and BAE Systems, and they're looking to acquire Mitsubishi Heavy Industries too.
So is Max like Vice-President of the company or something?
So what, Max just vanished off the face of the Earth?
I want to believe that in Max's absence, Acheron because just as much an unethical merchant of death that she was.
You think Furry ISIS exists on Furry Earth?
Acheron is pleased to announce that Armstrong Inc. is buying out the government of Japan!
More importantly, Eddie stayed in America where he could continue to fester.
Weird how Actual Kila has the same choice in clothes as Eddie.
No way this doesn't end with Kila going on on top, buried under a mountain of cocaine.
'Year'. That's optimistic.
Well, as much style as you can have with Inumi in the car with you.
Positive thinking fixes everything!
Wasn't Dazz's big debut only supposed to happen when Klace was dead?
Dazz, be prepared for disappointment.
That wasn't a nightmare, Klace, that was a memory of every concert you've ever done.
"Flash them if you have to."
She could go the other route.
"I just flew in from Osaka and MAN! What a shithole!"
That sound suspiciously New Age.
What kind of fucking artist retires after their first big tour?
Who knows if Klace is lying at this point. It'd be consistent with every other character in the game.
Klace remembers back when he had to play in bars so shitty they'd been abandoned for years.
I hope the audience has their rotten tomatoes at the ready.
An image of perfection, you could say.
Klace was later strangled to death by Acheron in an unrelated incident.
Upon his death a Dead Man's Switch activated, destroying over twenty stadiums and convention centers across the world.
Topped the charts! But only in Tonga, Swaziland, and Bhutan.
Inumi tried to follow in Singe's footsteps and rig buildings of his own to explode, and that went about as well as you'd expect.
Fukumoto eventually joined a fringe news website, tweeting incredibly racist things until the end of his days.
And that's because Acheron became Iron Furry.
Their mutant children plagued the Earth for generations.
Which wasn't long, because Dazz eventually passed away after depleting Japan's morphine supply.
Weren't they already inseperable?
Where the hell did they get the money to found charitable organizations?
Terra's part of the Federation, and they pretty obviously don't even have fucking electricity. But Earth, with nukes and Twitter, somehow just isn't good enough.
I'm not happy. With any of this.
Once again: shame! SHAME!
I hate everyone. I hate everything.
why does it keep going
Getting stabbed with two giant swords will do that to you.
Actually, that brings up a good point. It was implied there weren't many stars because Nami and Nagi stabbed everyone, but what does that really mean? That they stabbed the stars too?
Well, until political extremism surfaces or they experience another energy crisis.
Makes no sense at all, and you'd think I'd have learned by now to stop questioning this shit.
Exactly! An Arby's on every street corner, on every world!
Even Inumi? Or Rook?
A Phidget spinner?
Rabies will just start stabbing random people and hope things pan out.
Reiyo, you never even interacted with any of them beyond Acheron, Max, and Velasquez. Why would you even consider the rest friends?
The final choice. You know what? Fuck it. Let's get the gang back together and fuck up the galaxy beyond repair.
Arcadia, where none of its arcade games work?
Let's get crazy.
Let's get furry.
It's been a wild ride folks, but that's the end of this game. This LP has aged me by centuries, and I think I'm certifiably insane now.
Would I do it again?
Eh, why not.