Part 12: Sissy Earth-Man Dreams
Sissy Earth-Man Dreams
The obelisks are marked, I just didn't get the chance to look at Carver's before I accidentally stepped in front of it and got warped to his dream.
But I think this one is pretty clear.
In the dreams of Lenin we see the rich...
...and the poor...
...and the man with all the cash.
You see a stern, confident man with an athletic build.
"Greetings, comrade. You seem to be a citizen of the world. Perhaps you can assist me in my great endeavour."
"A great endeavour? I like the sound of that!"
"It is my duty to reapportion the wealth of this village so that each person receives an equal amount of money. No one person must receive any more than his neighbor. What you must do is divide the wealth, which I have gathered together here, into 25 equal piles, for the 25 inhabitants of the village."
"You call this a village? It's just a bunch of floating white islands in a void of nothing."
"You must gather the rubles and put them back down in piles. This way, everyone will have the same amount, and all will be satisfied. When you have accomplished this task, report back to me, and your contribution to the success of my task will be duly recorded."
"Sure thing, Link, I'll sort those rupees!"
"Hahahahah I was just doing that so you'd correct me in your goofy Austrian accent. Say rubles again."
After collecting all 253 bills and a single gem that was hidden under one of them, Lenin demands I divide them into 25 piles. This is kind of pointless but since the dream is really short otherwise I guess that's how this one rolls. Anyway 250 divided by 25 is 10 rubles apiece, with 3 and the gem in change. Not that Lenin is letting me keep them.
"I detect that there is still not a fair balance of wealth in the village."
"Do you have some sort of cash-detecting superpower?"
"As a matter of fact, I do. Do you have the extra rubles with you? Let me see them."
"Here you go, all of 3 of them."
"Keeping the extra rubles is not the solution, comrade. They should be given to the state for use for the good of the people. Will you give me the extra you have found, so that the masses may benefit?"
"I'm not quite sure how they're going to benefit from 3 rubles, man."
"I must congratulate you on your swift reconciliation of the problem, but there is still, however, the matter of the gem. As it is impossible to divide, it must be given to the state to dispose of properly. That is the only fair way to distribute items of such disproportionately large value. Do you have the gem with you now, comrade?"
"Yeah, here, take it. You know all this shit is fake, right?"
"Wonderful, comrade! It must be donated to the state in the person of an appointed representative - myself - for proper disposal for the good of the people."
"Doesn't that mean you're just going to keep it?"
"Da, but you did say all of this was fake."
"Mr. Lenin's unusual fascination with income distribution suggests a compulsive, controlling need to be the nexus of all such activity. No doubt an infantile refusal to share maginified."
"Do you ever have anything useful to say?"
"Some of my detractors would suggest that no, I do not."
"Steve, you are indeed a hero of the people. I will dispose of all this in an appropriate manner. You will be remembered with fondness, comrade. You have saved us! I deeply appreciate your dedication to the cause of the masses. You will be remembered for your selfless action. Now you must do your duty and help us to find a way back to the red planet, so that I may return to Russia and redouble my efforts on behalf of my people. Spaseeba, my friend."
"The hell did you just call me?"
"In the English: thank you." He hugs you enthusiastically and pounds you on the back.
A glass lamp? Must be Lou Tiffany.
"Mom? Why are you here in this narrow dream hallway? And why are you hitting me?"
"Hah! I knew you had unresolved issues!"
"This doesn't concern you, Freud!"
"Ah, but quite the contrary."
"Screw this, I'm running."
"Watch out for that bottomless abyss!"
"The one you're staring into, Frau Steve."
"BLARG I DID NOT THINK IT WOULD STARE BACK."
"Well, that was suitably awkward. Let's see what's up around here."
You see a frantic, wild-eyed shop proprietor.
"Stop that bull! It's ruining everything! Help me!" It's difficult to hear him over the sound of shattering glass.
Get it, bull in a china shop.
No seriously, that's the entire joke. Basically you're supposed to waggle the rug in front of the minotaur and throw it into a little chamber off the north end of the room, then flip a switch that will lock it inside. Only problem is that, much like Carver's wormsbane plants, I couldn't get this to actually work, so I just stood on the last piece of glassware next to the switch until it accidentally wandered through the door far enough to be sealed in.
But Tiffany didn't care too much as long as I didn't let EVERYTHING break.
"I am truly indebted to you, Steve. You have freed me from my nightmare. I will await you in the Hall of Dreams."
One dream left. Footprints seem a bit strange there, but since I know H.G. Wells is the last person here, this must be his dream.
Wells's dream is bizarre, full of strange angles and abruptly ending walkways. It's also loaded with dreamstuff, that sparkly crap, and purple berries for telekinesis. I will need both.
Oh and also, for no reason, certain points in the dream invert your controls, or rotate them so that right is up or whatever, and this also applies to use/get/move prompting, and to mouse controls, as if you weren't completely fucked up as it is! What does that have to do with H.G. Wells? I don't know.
Dreamstuff can be used to imagine objects, but you don't really have control over what the Avatar will imagine.
Of course, this is Steve we're talking about, so things are at least somewhat predictable.
With a touch of effort, you can even conjure up useful things like weapons and ammo.
But just in case you do stupid things like lock yourself into this area of the dreamworld by imagining objects that cannot be moved (as I did here, the cannon and lamppost block me in), there's also an elephant gun in this carpet bag...
...and ammo in the barrel. There's always at least one purple berry, so you can always grab that.
Anyway I have to wake myself up and go back into the dream because I got stuck. Thanks a bunch, Martian Dreams.
"The inadequate dimensions of Mr. Wells's subconscious suggests that he has not fully come to terms with his surroundings. No doubt a result of poor early socialization, making it more difficult for him to relate to his own position in a changing environment."
"Wells is a wuss, roger dodger."
You see a pale, nervous man.
"They're back! You made them come back!"
"Them! They're invisible. If you move, they attack! I know you think I'm crazy, but they are there! If I move, they attack! I'm not going anywhere until you get rid of them. And HURRY!"
The monsters are, in fact, real (well, not real, but in dream terms they're real enough). They appear only as footprints, and the footprints linger. Your ammo is limited and the invisible monsters are quite tough, so the best thing to do is run to a corner and wait for the footprints to move right up next to you, shoot all the monsters, and run to another corner until no footprints follow you. It's actually not too hard, and at least your controls get fixed for this sequence.
Screw you, Wells.
"You did it! They're gone! I don't know how to thank you. I'm free!"
That leaves only one obelisk in this place. Wonder what Freud will say about these guys?