The Let's Play Archive

Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge

by Clavius

Part 3: Something of the Body

As much as I like exhuming corpses... That'll have to wait.

Let's hit the town!

He really goes against my grain! I'd like to make an end table out of him... But I don't have the guts. Even with all my tools I can't make the one thing that could do this island some good...

No. Like a voodoo doll of Largo LaGrande.

Well there goes my bitchin' three headed monkey tattoo idea...

Nice apron. Are you some sort of chef?

No, I'm a woodsmith.

Oh so it's like that is it!

A woodchuck could chuck no amount of wood since a woodchuck can't chuck wood.

But if a woodchuck could chuck and would chuck some amount of wood, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck?

Even if a woodchuck could chuck wood, and even if a woodchuck would chuck wood, should a woodchuck chuck wood?

A woodchuck should chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood, as long as a woodchuck would chuck wood.

Aha! The battle of wits is mine!

But I must have her!

You can't keep our love apart!

I don't think he'd like that... He looks buff.

Don't worry buzzsaw girl... I could never leave you behind. I'll be back.

Why is everyone on this island so small? Must be the water or something...

Uh-huh. I'm Wally. Wally B. Feed. At your service.

What exactly do you do here?

I'm a cartographer.

You do open heart surgery? In here?

Uh, no. I'm the mapmaking sort of cartographer.


Nobody does anything cool around here...

Is that all you do? Make maps?

Well, I do some restoration work too. I paste them together, re-copy them... Paint little cupids in the corners... You know, artsy fartsy stuff. Maps are very, very important.

Actually, I prefer to just stop and ask directions.

That's what Magellan thought.

Sorry, Cartographer joke.

Do you know anything about Big Whoop?

Uh-oh. Who sent you here?

I have this deadly looking stick and I'm not afraid to use it! It... looks kinda sharp...

The who? You'd better not try for my files! All my research on Big Whoop is in there.

Can I see your files?

Actually, there isn't anything in them... I haven't been able to find much hard information... What do YOU know about it?

I know I'm looking for it and that's about it...

You mean you've never heard of the four men who buried it?

No. Tell me all about it.

Well all anyone knows for sure is that there was a shipwreck. Only four crew members survived. They washed up on a remote, deserted island. Some say its name was "Inky Island". That's where they supposedly found Big Whoop.

But what IS Big Whoop?

Whatever it was. It was so wonderful... or so horrible... that they never wanted anyone else to find it. So they took the map of the island, and split it between the four of them. And they went their separate ways. If I could just see the map of the island, I could recognise the shape of the land and track down the island myself.

Well that neatly explains what we're going to have to accomplish later...

Where's the Governors Mansion?

There is not Governor on Scabb.

The only authority on this island is that bully Largo.

Thanks, that's all I need to know.

Look at his little bed, it's so cute!

I should just take him with me, he'd be so useful...

Aw, look at the little guy. He's adorable! Let's steal his monocle and see what happens.

I hope I didn't lose it...

I'll never be able to afford a new one.
How am I supposed to work?
I'm such a dope.
Can't I do anything right?

I'm starting to feel a little bad...

For crying out loud!
I hope it didn't roll onto the floor. Nobody move!

Okay, very bad...

Why me
I never hurt anybody...
If I don't find it soon I'm going to lose all the monocle grabbing muscles in my eye.
I'd go for help but I'm afraid to walk around like this...
I'm stuck here forever!
I'm going to starve to death here!

This has gone on long enough. Let's give it back...


Well we know what we're doing later, but no Largo bits... Let's try down here.

That's it! Booze! The solution to all lifes problems!

Yeah, boy.

Grog please.

Ha ha ha! Maybe you'd like a shirley temple instead.

I'm old enough! Look at my beard!

Ha! That's the oldest trick in the book. I could let you have some near-grog. It doesn't have any alcohol in it... But it's just as nasty-smelling and foul-tasting as the stuff grown-ups drink.

Oh wait, what am I saying? I just sold the last of it to Kate. Sorry.


Of course, if you had some ID...

The beard line fell flat, but this can't possibly fail!

You'll have to do better than that. No ID, no service.

Now you're just being a dick... I thought there was no law around here anyway.

Wanna see my scar?

Depends. Is there a good story behind it?

As a matter of fact there is. It's the story of the ghost pirate LeChuck and his gruesome demise-

Heard it.

Not exactly...

Frankly I don't care for stories that promote moderation in drinking. I do have a business to run you know.

And yet you still won't sell me some sweet sweet booze...

How's business?

It's just terrible... No-one ever comes down here anymore. Largo's got all my regulars spooked.

And here comes the spit...

It's soaring majestically!

And it's good!

From your nose.

That's all I have.

Well you better have more tomorrow. Or we might have to have this dump relocated... To, say, the bottom of the ocean.

Bodily fluids here I come!

And here I was thinking i'd have to... never mind...