Part 33: Herman Toothrot
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So here w... Hey wait a minute, what happened to Wally?
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Something terrible no doubt...
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Here I am, safe, with only minor severe head trauma.
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But never Wally...
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That little guy just can't get a break.
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He probably flew off onto an island filled with rabid man-eating wallabies.
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They're probably taking away his monocle and tearing him limb from limb right now.
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Poor little guy.
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But we can't dwell on that now.
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Because Big Whoop is here. But forget that, because...
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Look at all this wonderful wonderful stuff that's washed up on the beach to pick up! I love stuff!
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So we have acquired a glass bottle, a crowbar and a martini glass promptly filled with sea water and made drinkable with this handy still.
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Holy crap it's Herman Toothrot!
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Hi Herman.
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Oh, hi. I've been waiting for you.
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What do you mean you've been waiting for me?
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Our meeting comes at this, the final moment of my existence so far. All else has been in anticipation of this event.
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Oh god I shouldn't have left him alone all this time! He's turned into a smug asshole!
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Do you mean to tell me that your WHOLE LIFE has been a prelude to meeting me here today?
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Yours too. But see, already the moment passes. Now our meeting is just another note in the grand overture to the next passage.
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I'm gonna thump you.
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Nothing I say is ever the same, but it is all said the same way.
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I'm looking for a treasure, have you seen any?
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There are many treasures here, found and unfound. The beauty of the ocean, for example.
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I was thinking more along the lines of monetary gain.
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Money is seldom a treasure, my friend.
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What are you doing here?
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I'm teaching philosophy.
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I'm beginning to remember why I left you to die on Monkey Island.
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Right here, on the beach?
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Sure beats a tibetan mountaintop. I can go surfing when things are slow.
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What sort of philosophy are you teaching?
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I hate you with every fibre of my being.
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It's all the rage at cocktail parties this year.
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How many students have you got?
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Well... None, at the moment. But as soon as word gets out that a guru such as myself is teaching in a beautiful locale like this I'll have to beat them off with a stick.
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I'm going to regret this, aren't I.
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Could you teach me some philosophy?
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Okay, here's a Zen Koan for you.
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A what?
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A philosophical puzzle.
If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is around to hear it... What colour is the tree?
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Oh Herman, you underestimate me!
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Forest green.
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No.
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Oh... Uh, well this has to be it...
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Brown.
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I'm afraid not.
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Red?
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Nope.
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Magenta?
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All colours?
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Exactly! Now what has this experience taught you?
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You have learned all you can learn from me. Go forth into the world with confidence. I won't even charge you a buck.
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Oh that is IT!
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AAAAAAaaaaaahhhhhHHHH!
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I don't think I ought to do that.
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Oh fine. Maybe I'll get to throw shit at him in some future game.
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Hey there's a cracker in here.
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Well Polly can fuck off because this is my cracker.
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It's jungle exploring time.
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And I need my sustenance.
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Well this is kind of a pointless path...
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I can't reach it.
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My broken bottle rage shall not go to waste!
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You heard the box. Use that water.
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Off I go...
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More stuff!
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Sweet.
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Let's go find something to blow up!