Part 33: Herman Toothrot
So here w... Hey wait a minute, what happened to Wally?
Something terrible no doubt...
Here I am, safe, with only minor severe head trauma.
But never Wally...
That little guy just can't get a break.
He probably flew off onto an island filled with rabid man-eating wallabies.
They're probably taking away his monocle and tearing him limb from limb right now.
Poor little guy.
But we can't dwell on that now.
Because Big Whoop is here. But forget that, because...
Look at all this wonderful wonderful stuff that's washed up on the beach to pick up! I love stuff!
So we have acquired a glass bottle, a crowbar and a martini glass promptly filled with sea water and made drinkable with this handy still.
Holy crap it's Herman Toothrot!
Oh, hi. I've been waiting for you.
What do you mean you've been waiting for me?
Our meeting comes at this, the final moment of my existence so far. All else has been in anticipation of this event.
Oh god I shouldn't have left him alone all this time! He's turned into a smug asshole!
Do you mean to tell me that your WHOLE LIFE has been a prelude to meeting me here today?
Yours too. But see, already the moment passes. Now our meeting is just another note in the grand overture to the next passage.
I'm gonna thump you.
Nothing I say is ever the same, but it is all said the same way.
I'm looking for a treasure, have you seen any?
There are many treasures here, found and unfound. The beauty of the ocean, for example.
I was thinking more along the lines of monetary gain.
Money is seldom a treasure, my friend.
What are you doing here?
I'm teaching philosophy.
I'm beginning to remember why I left you to die on Monkey Island.
Right here, on the beach?
Sure beats a tibetan mountaintop. I can go surfing when things are slow.
What sort of philosophy are you teaching?
I hate you with every fibre of my being.
It's all the rage at cocktail parties this year.
How many students have you got?
Well... None, at the moment. But as soon as word gets out that a guru such as myself is teaching in a beautiful locale like this I'll have to beat them off with a stick.
I'm going to regret this, aren't I.
Could you teach me some philosophy?
Okay, here's a Zen Koan for you.
A philosophical puzzle.
If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is around to hear it... What colour is the tree?
Oh Herman, you underestimate me!
Oh... Uh, well this has to be it...
I'm afraid not.
Exactly! Now what has this experience taught you?
You have learned all you can learn from me. Go forth into the world with confidence. I won't even charge you a buck.
Oh that is IT!
I don't think I ought to do that.
Oh fine. Maybe I'll get to throw shit at him in some future game.
Hey there's a cracker in here.
Polly want a cracker?
Well Polly can fuck off because this is my cracker.
It's jungle exploring time.
And I need my sustenance.
Well this is kind of a pointless path...
I can't reach it.
My broken bottle rage shall not go to waste!
You heard the box. Use that water.
Off I go...
Let's go find something to blow up!