Part 23: Rash Licks B Cup
Loongear: God's gift to breeding [Jan 3rd, 1005|9:11 am]
[Current Mood| woomp there it is]
[Current Music|Tag Team - Woomp There It Is]
Today, we storm the B Cup and crush all those who stand in our way. To the B Cup!
One side, lunatic! We have a tournament to win!
You broke my cone... It cost me, like, five bucks!
Colt stuck her nose up and strutted behind me. I think she's letting my attitude get to her head.
Our opening match was against some kind of dumbass walking shrub.
Judging by the huge brown patches on our lawn, I'd say Rash has some sort of weedkiller ingredient in its saliva. Rash most likely realizes this, as it spat one hell of a loogie at the plant thing.
I am so tempted to harvest Rash's saliva for some kind of gardening product. However, that would mean I'd have to get close to Rash, and there ain't no way I'm doing that.
Next up was... I'm not even sure what it's supposed to be. It's like a mammoth mated with a dog.
Rash stood in place in the center of the arena. A strange electric field grew out of its eye, slowly reaching for the mammothdoggy.
The electro-charged mammothdoggy crashed into the arena wall, and bounced right back to Rash's foot-analogue. It was like a big, glowing, furry pinball.
The next opponent was a rabbit someone dressed up in gold. I don't know. I think most monster breeders are brain damaged.
Did you know gold conducts electricity? I sure didn't, but it looks like it does now.
I was tempted to steal the rabbit's jewelry, but half the audience beat me to it. Vultures, all of them.
WHAT KIND OF LOVING GOD WOULD MAKE SUCH A THING!?
Kill it, Rash! Kill it before it has a chance to breed!
Rash couldn't finish it off before the time went up, but I think I have a shotgun in the back of my car. I can wait until the tournament is over, and save the world from seeing that thing ever again.
The next match had Rash facing off against a robot. I heard about these guys being prominent in FIMBA, but here? It's weird.
Oh well. It was short circuited pretty easily. I guess they don't make ancient deathbots like they used to.
Up next was an ugly black worm. It looked like it was struggling just to keep alive.
And I guess it lost that struggle just before the fight began.
I've seen this monster on TV before, but that was in an ad for Captain Pirrat's Seafood Emporium.
You could hear the monster's own scream out "DON'T WORRY, LADDY! YOU'LL FILL UP MANY A FAMILY PACK!". Note to self: Never eat at Captain Pirrat's.
Disturbing fast food revelations aside, we won! Colt has taken to pumping her fist in victory along with me. She's getting to be a little too impressionable.
We also gained a crapload of fame from this tournament. I guess killing the mascot of Captain Pirrat was a pretty big thing.
What am I looking at?
Okaaay, why am I looking at Rash?
I dunno, I just felt like looking. But hey, we also got our rank up notice.
Do you think I'll be on TV some day?
Only Unsolved Mysteries.
I don't get it.
I'm implying I'm going to kill you and nobody will ever find out what happened.
So gang, what kind of training should I put Rash into next? I think I'm gonna avoid official cups for a little while, so make it a good plan.