Part 23: Episode XXII: FatherhoodEpisode XXII: Fatherhood
Dragon... What the FUCK just happened...?!
"I'm pretty sure we died..."
Well yeah, no shit... We died like every time! But what the hell was that burning barrel thing that hit us? I mean getting eaten by friggin' fifty foot tall infants that were getting shat out of a vagina in the sky I can deal with... Or going down fighting that army of mutant clones of my sister...
"That was weird..."
That was FUCKED. But getting stealth killed by steel birds is some goddamn weak bullshit...
"Oh well, at least it was a more dignified end than going down to that child of Inuart..."
"You do not recall that fate...?"
Nah... What ending was that...?
"The first one."
No shit...? I'm gonna be honest, dragon. I just got fucking HAMMERED after you...uhh....had whatever happened to you...
"I became the Goddess Seal."
Yeah... That bullshit. Last thing I remember was dragging that dumbass brat to every town I knew that had a decent bar and telling everyone what a little shitstick she was for getting possessed by space babies and turning into a friggin' giant and all that shit.
"How...did you do that without a voice....?"
I wrote a sign.
Hey...what in the fuck happened to all the weapons I collected?! Oh god DAMMIT!! Help me look for em, dragon!
"Uhh...we died, fool."
Yeah we died like so many times I lost track. I still got to hold onto my weapons. I am NOT waiting for 30 minutes in that stupid canyon again and not killing anything. Uncle fucking sonuvabitch! This day just keeps getting worse and worse!
"Yeah. And we need the Sealed Verses to cure her."
"What is it?"
"Well, I'm not sure if this will help, but I know a guy who has the same disease. He's a king, actually, and his kingdom has been working on a cure for a while. I guess it's possible they have something."
"Do you truly think they have discovered a cure?"
"I said it's possible. I didn't say it happened. The place is called Facade. It's deep within the desert."
"Any chance is better than no chance at all. I say we try it."
"If this proves successful, it would certainly make our task a good deal easier."
Welp...that was certainly a thing. Kainé is now officially a permanent party member at this point and we now have access to the third and final town of Nier. Yeah, there are only three towns. But Facade is...err...well, it is different... You'll see...
Anyway, let's head back to the village for a bit and rest for a bit after that small village demolishing climactic battle. And maybe check-up on Yonah. When was the last time we stopped at home...? The culinary disaster sidequest...?
Before entering town, Kainé interrupts our entry to the town for another chat.
"I'll wait outside."
"That's crazy. It's dangerous out here."
"I like being alone."
"If you head out from another exit, I'll just meet you there."
"You sure you won't come? I was hoping to introduce you to Yonah..."
"Don't force the issue, now. Her mind is clearly made up. Not everyone loves the company of others as much as you, mmm?"
"All right. I won't push it."
So yeah, Kainé is a bit anti-social and won't enter towns most of the time. It's mostly a rather transparent method of avoiding the need for banter with a third party member that may or may not be recruited at that point during BS sidequests. Though...there are plot reasons for it later on...
You might notice the glowing orange arrow over our mailbox. It seems we have received a letter...
"Don't Try So Hard"
...I think it's time to spend some time with Yonah.
It just so happens little Yonah has a new sidequest for Nier. I think we ought to hear out whatever request she has...
Sidequest: Yonah's Gift
So, upon asking Yonah, she requests a melon. Just...a melon. That's kind of vague but whatever...
Melons are readily available over in Seafront at their local grocery store for the nominal fee of...
1,200 gold?! Are you shitting me, Yonah?! I've done entire dumb side quests that paid out less than than that.
A trip back to the Village later...
Upon returning to Yonah, she thanks us for her present and then requests...a watermelon. Okay...sure, why not? Kiddo needs her fruit to stay healthy.
The thing is, we do not directly have access to watermelons at this epoch. The upcoming Facade does actually sell them in one of its stores but...uhh... Facade is...a rather involving place and it would take quite some time to get that watermelon and dammit...our little girl needs that shit sooner rather than later? What kind of jerk are we...?
Luckily, Nier picked up some Watermelon seeds off camera back in the Aerie during his clash across the side-scroller platforming section. So, Nier can just grow that mess in his garden. Huh... How long can it take to grow some in-game watermelons, anyway...? Sure, a real harvest is around three months or so... But...
24 REAL TIME HOURS LATER...
Stop trolling me Cavia, I did Drakengard Ending E... Show some mercy, dudes!
So yeah... If you are doing gardening in NIER...you are going to have to just go mess with the console's system clock if you wish to retain sanity. Gardening works via real time from planting a seed to gestation. It's usually an unadulterated 24 hour period. In most cases from your last save. But, if you piss off for more than a couple of days, then everything in your garden will wither and die when you return.
Have fun with that...
Taking the watermelon back to Yonah...
Upon giving our little girl her second gift request, she asks for one more fruit desire in the form of a pumpkin. Weiss finally pipes in with commentary at this point...
"She's always been that way. But if that's what she wants, then that's what I'll get."
"Being her guardian must present some unique challenges."
"I just need to see her smile; then it's all worth it."
Luckily, it's only a 500 Gold investment and sold right in town. I will just go on record and saying that last conversation is one of my favorites just because it's true of shit of being a dad. Layers upon layers of awful bullshit are totally worth it to have your little girl smile at the outcome at the end.
Returning to Yonah...
"I've been getting you lots of food lately, Yonah. What are you planning?"
"It's a secret! Just wait a little longer, okay?"
Some time later...
"...Is this a cake?"
"Yep! Popola taught me how to bake one! This is a big secret, Dad! It's why I needed all that fruit."
"Well, um...thanks, Yonah. This is really something."
"Come on! Try it, try it!"
"Oh. I'm not all that hungry, so I... Well, all right."
Nier downs the slice of the melon-watermelon-pumpkin cake monstrosity...
"Oh, yay! You work so hard for me, so I wanted to give you something back!"
"Uh, yes. Yes. This is great, Yonah. Thank you."
""Fatherhood can be a trying experience."
Yonah's Gift Chat
Proto Yonah Artwork