Part 5: Episode IV: EngelsEpisode IV: Engels
Music: Bipolar Nightmare
Welp. This is happening now. Buckle up because the rest of the prologue here uhh... escalates. One might say dramatically so.
No response from long-range communications.
Doesnt matter. Ill just take em out.
Even however long in the future this game takes place, they never really locked down Codec frequencies getting jammed. All that high end text was lost long ago in the mythic time known only as the 80s.
Marx fights about the same way it did the first time around. I mean... theres only so much a giant buzzsaw can do, if you really get down to the heart of the matter. It can buzz horizontally and vertically... Thats kinda thats physically going for a circular saw, no matter how big you make it. Maybe if the machines had some kinda Robot Master that could SHOOT the buzzsaws, then there might be a paradigm shift in saw offensive tech. Alas...
The primary issue this go around is that here are TWO building sized saws tearing up the place in 2Bs general direction and sometimes they get clever and roll in from opposite directions.
2Bs window for dodging the saw attacks are still ridiculously generous and can be chained by spamming the dodge until shes successfully flipped to safety as much as about a half dozen times.
Theres an extremely brief window where i-frames end between dodges that its possible to get very unlucky with timing and take a hit. But its far less of a serious concern than youd think. A direct hit from a saw only takes off about a fifth of 2Bs energy and we can immediately negate that with the smallest level of healing item.
Offensively, the tactics havent changed since the first Marx battle. After completing a saw assault, both of the Marx units will simmer down for a moment, giving 2B ample time to get some melee hits in while they rest up for the next wave of attacks. And thats on top of concentrated Gatling fire from our Pod and the Laser program whenever weve got a decent shot.
We actually only have to get the two enemy units down to 50% HP for this fight. Its possible to come back here at a way higher level and discover that health bar is just for show. This is a timed battle.
Alright, so the buzzsaw carving up this bridge thing obviously isnt working too hot guys. Whats the back-up plan here? Is it a third buzzsaw? Are you getting one more friend?
Uhh... come again?
Hey, thats the platform we ran over and shot some birds off of earlier. Good times. Goddamn birds. So whatcha doing connecting to th
New Music: Bipolar Nightmare (Vocal) (You should listen to this. And most music.)
...THEYVE GOT A METAL GEAR!?
Welp. This is happening now! Meet [REDACTED] the actual real deal boss of the Prologue and what 2B and her highly incompetent co-workers were here to destroy. As I said earlier, the game will eventually rather unceremoniously start translating the boss names. This one is Engels. As in Friedrich Engels, the co-author of the Communist Manifesto and Karl Marxs number two dude. I mean technically, our goal was stated to seize the means of production from the machines in the facility. I suppose this naming scheme checks out.
Anyway, were now fighting a sentient oil rig with buzzsaws for arms. Thats not where I saw this mission going, but here we are...
Engels will use its newfound Marxist limbs in an attempt to crush 2Bs theories of surplus value. This comes in the form of a dual-arm strike which 2B is best off just hanging out in the middle of the platform to avoid. Turns out theres a sizable physical gap in the middle of two pieces of heavy machinery being slammed down into a road. Whod a thunk?
The communist doom bot can also release a volley of rocket artillery to pepper 2Bs position. I swear the hitboxes on these missiles are either broken or way more miniscule than their models. Ive had them explode right next to 2B before and do absolutely no damage.
Unfortunately, weve not got a lot of options for taking on this angry oil rig. Unlike Marx, which farted around after attacking, Engels quickly recoils after buzzsaw attacks. And peppering the thing with our Pods gunfire is only doing so much when its an enemy a couple levels ahead of 2B.
Ah. Good timing. So did anyone at command tell you the machines had a Metal Gear? I think that should have been made clearer in the mission briefing.
2B opts to perform a sick dodge. Just to make it seem like she was getting somewhere in this fight and not basically firing a stapler gun at a bulldozer.
This is the target. Im going to destroy it.
Uh... right. Ill provide support!
9S is now providing back-up and will fire his aerial units guns the same place 2B fires her Pod. Hmm. I mean... yeah, its a lot of 5s and 6s popping out of that things face now. But is that the best youve got for help, kid?
Meanwhile, Engels has absolutely no interest in 9Ss intervention and keeps up the pressure on 2B. Not much more we can do than continuing to fire and get in the occasional close range swipe. Dont worry! Were definitely making progress.
Eventually, Engels decides its going for a swim. That usually doesnt bode well...
Yeah! Thanks, Pod. I got that! I died on that stupid collapsing bridge with the helicopter like five times in Metal Gear Rising. I have no idea if failing to evade is an instant kill. Never tested it because... we still havent hit a save point. I dont want to replay 20-30 minutes of this opening. I guarantee theres a terrible at video games streamer out there that has long since solved this cryptic puzzle.
This revolution in science continues its assault on the bridge. Hey, 9S... Could you maybe chip in a little more? I feel like this fight isnt going great... Dont tell anyone. Its almost entirely mechanically a timed scripted event. Still really rad!
The condition of the working class in England is not improved by Engels destroying this infrastructure like this. It cant be helping the machines either. Youve seen their tiny little baby legs! This is going to be terrible for their commute!
After a little bit more evading overhead strikes and the occasional missile, 9S decides to chime in again and do something. This better be good, kid!
What dummy put Wi-Fi into the missiles and didnt set a secure password? Everything that happens now is entirely your fault, Engels. IT security is no laughing matter.
<! ! ! REVERSAL OF FORTUNE! ! !>
Huh... Nice work, 9S. You took it out! Well done...
...I cannot believe you frikked this so bad, 9S.
Welp. Its hopeless. Nothing left for 2B to do but join her comrades in the CouldNotEvadeASlowMovingAttackWithLiterallySeveralSecondsofNotice Club.
On the one hand, you did Red Hot Kick that buzzsaw with a mech. On the other hand, you did get almost instantly owned. Im gonna call this one a wash on your performance review, 9S...
We havent really had anything to gauge how well androids hold up from fall damage. Hes probably fine, right? That was only... what? A couple hundred foot drop. Tops.
On the bright side, Engels has managed to get tucked out from this whole mess and takes a nap right on the end of the factory bridge.
Music: Alien Manifestation (Vocal)
9S black box signal detected. No response to communications.
Im going after him!
Alright, time for a rescue mission. Its going to look really poor on our after-action report if literally the entire team dies on assignment. Unless 2B is secretly a sexy robot HUNK type character.
Unfortunately, Engels naptime was VERY brief and its up and active again. Im not sure if it knows were running around on its back. Thats got to feel gross if it does.
Negative. Communications have been jammed.
There are a few Stubby machines roaming around on Engels back now. Im not even going to ask how they got on there. We dont have time for this.
All the way to the top we go. Its worth mentioning that 2B has retained Papa Nier's goofy ladder hopping fast climb technique from the first game. I was happy to see that dumb animation back.
Ouch... Turns out androids are terrible at handling fall damage. Good to know.
Machines, on the other hand, tank fall damage like champs. A set of stubby bots have seemingly been orbital dropped to 2Bs position to be a nuisance.
Thats cute youre trying to defend the holy family here. But we do need to attend to 9S. Hes gonna need a green herb or two here. Outta the way!
Pod, get me staunching gel and logic-virus vaccines. Then access the
Dr. Pod 042s diagnosis. Cut that there boy loose, girl. He done WAY too fucked up. You gotta Old Yeller his ass, dawg.
*choke* *hack* 2B... Just go...
You shut up too!
These androids over here getting all sappy and emotion and Pod 042 is just shaking its head going you know were still riding that giant robot, right?
It aint got time for this shit. Its gonna have to handle business itself.
HINT! HINT! said the robot internally as it slotted itself into the surprisingly intact war machine.
Tune in next time when a battle android fights an alien AI controlled oil rig with a jet/mecha suit as NieR: Automatas prologue comes to a close.
Video: Marx and Engels Boss Battle (Watch this.)
9S Concept Art Three belts on each of your boots. You androids grab those shoes from the Tetsuya Nomura Kingdom Hearts surplus supply?