Part 17: Episode XVI: None Wang Angel

Episode XVI: None Wang Angel



Where were we...? Ah yes. The machines just merged together and birthed a Ken Doll Sephiroth. That’s a kinda sentence you don’t type very often.


New Music: Birth of a Wish (This Cannot Continue) (Go listen to this right now!)



Meet Adam. I’m sure there’s nothing to read into with that moniker. Nothing the machines do means anything, right? For all we know they’ve just gotten their hands on some archives detailing Final Fantasy VII and there’s dickless Vincent Valentine being birthed two towns over. Hmm... Mulling that over, we should probably kill this dude immediately.



Having only just been birthed, Adam is but a Level 1 baby and isn’t immediately hostile. He looks somewhat confused, really. Regardless, after a couple of seconds 9S will attack if 2B doesn’t since he's totally not into anything that is transpiring in this weird robot sex dungeon.





We should PROBABLY follow suit and murder the shit out of this guy before he becomes a thre—wait, did he just level up? Machines aren’t supposed to do that. That’s an android thing. You’re breaking gameplay conventions!







Okay, my dude. You’re going to need to bulk up to about twice the size before you can even begin attempting a snarling stance like that and come off as the least bit threatening. And even then, it’s not happening with the Sadako meets 80s anime villain hairdo you’re rocking at the moment.



Why...fight...?





Well, at the moment it’s mostly because you’re now Level 3 and have learned to lightning karate kick with Chun Li’s hundred leg kick follow-up. Diplomacy has obviously failed when you’re busting out fighting game moves.



Also, you’re continuing to level up without grinding enemies and that means you have access to some manner of Cheat Engine functionality or the like. Androids cannot abide by anyone who’d hack in bogus stats to gain an advantage in a duel. I hope you enjoy your getting the machine lifeforms’ shared account VAC banned after we murder you, chief.



Projectile...deflect...
I think he’s... evolving. We’d better finish this quick!





Now that he’s Level 5, Adam has gained the ability to summon a temporary shield. If 2B or 9S fires upon the shield for a couple seconds, Adam will outright parry the shots and fling them back in their direction.





This shield will also parry melee attacks. Time will briefly freeze and he’ll immediately follow-up with a quick hit towards 2B or 9S. It’s possible to perfect dodge if we’re quick. But it’s probably best just not to attack him when he’s got a weird time displacement bubble in general. Not that we can tell 9S to do the same. He REALLY isn’t into this guy.



He’s also learned to string together some of his kick attacks to form basic combos. Instead of just spamming the one decent attack he knows over and over like most novice fighting game players. Aww beans, he is learning. Soon he’ll figure out wake-up attacks and dodge cancelling.



Adam also has a secondary shield that just blocks everything, including Pod Program shots, if we get cheeky wailing on him too often from afar. He even gets smart enough to lower his shield and put up the parry one if we run in to switch to melee attacks.



After Adam drops to 50% health, he decides to Level Up again and switch tactics...





Also he can teleport now. So that’s new and probably worth a mention. I don’t recall there being talk of machine lifeforms being able to teleport. Spawn abruptly from the heavens and drop from the sky for a fight, sure. But actual teleportation seems like a recent development.



Adam also learned down, forward, punch is a Hadoken and is already spamming them non-stop. This dude is fast learner. God help us all if he learns command throws. There is NOTHING more undignified than getting a spinning pile-driver from a nude Sephiroth. That shit scars you for life.





The fast learning man-machine has learned to dodge and will warp out of the way from Pod Program’s laser fire or too many concentrated hits from the Gatling or missiles. At least occasionally. He’ll still eat a number before teleporting to another out of reach area.



Since Hadokens were evidentially not enough firepower, Level 7 Adam also learned the technique of semi-tracking ground explosions. That’s a classic play out of the 2D platformer boss book. He’d better not be reading up on other genres now. I am uninstalling this game and abandoning the LP if he starts busting out rhythm commands.





After enough hits, Adam will grow tired of lobbing fireballs and explosion from afar and return to the ground to settle up things with the androids. He has brought his teleportation and fireballs skills with him to ground level. Unfortunately he's not a Pokemon and isn't forgetting old skills to learn new ones. Hmm... robotic dystopia Pokemon... It'd probably be into that.



But he’s also straight up got a Flash Kick now. Sure, why not? Keep it up. What’s next? You got a Psycho Crusher or a Tiger Upper queued up for the next round, guy?



9S. Hey, 9S! You got this? I just saw him do a Flash Kick on you. That looked like it sucked. That was face full of robot taint, huh? You need a minute, 9S? That’s cool. Take your time. 2B will tag in.



Rounding out his fighting game move list, as Adam’s HP falls to dangerous levels, despite his constant leveling up, he’ll start concentrating his random ground explosions into more of a controlled Geese Howard Raging Storm if 2B applies pressure at close range. This guy better not start dabbling in SNK moves. We’ve got to take this guy’s head off post haste if he starts doing Genocide Cutters or summoning tornados and shit.



Music: ENDS



Keeping up the pressure, Adam is challenging enough for an early game boss. But our androids handily defeat him and...



...they waste absolutely no time making sure to follow up murdering the SHIT out of him in the following cutscene. Bootleg bishonen is already breaking gameplay conventions all willy-nilly. Can’t let him try any shit in the Cutscene Realm™ unchallenged.







RIP Adam the Machine Man. You died as you lived. Dickless.



Is this... really a machine?
.....
Wha!?



Yep... Still no junk. What, 9S? You just now noticing...? Get with the progr—





OK. Some please explain to the machines what a dick looks like. I think someone told them it’s the fifth limb and they’ve DEFINITELY misinterpreted that euphemism.





Or... another dude crawled out of the first dude’s stomach. That’s not something you see every day. Though to be fair, I’ve seen weirder. Call me back when a blood covered regeneration clone crawls out of a magic flower growing out of your eye socket.



Damn it, not another one!





RaaaaaaRRRRRRRR!!!!!





He doesn’t seem happy with us. And is, in fact, hollerin’ so loud that the entire area is collapsing. 9S and 2B wisely decide to cheese it out of the area. They may be in a touch over their heads at this point.







We’ll just leave Adam and Adam’s corpse to be buried at the bottom of this desert ruin. Surely, that’ll be the last we ever see of him. Trapped for eternity beneath an extremely low resolution texture. It’s basically the Phantom Zone for machines, you know.


New Music: Grandma (Destruction)



The way we entered here is inaccessible thanks to that early drop. But part of the surrounding structure conveniently collapses, revealing a new path out of the area.







I have no idea if you can actually die in this sequence or if it’s just false urgency. I’m going to hazard a guess of “probably”, since I’m not going to replay 20 minutes of the game to confirm or deny an unceremonious load screen upon death.



Despite the urgent music, the entire escape sequence is all of about 20 seconds long. Wasting the first use of a real good amped up remix of a song from the first game is a waste. Oh well, we’re in the clear.

Music: ENDS



What the hell just happened?
I know! I’ve never seen a machine like that before. We’d better report this to command.


Music: Memories of Dust (Vocal)





It seems we’ve ended up in a small canyon running adjacent to the huge slope connecting the Desert Zone to Desert Housing. There’s a quicksand river running off a bottomless cliff, but little else of note in the region.



Our new goal is to get the hell out of here and back above ground so we can report on the machine’s recent advances in silver hair man-butt technology. This could mean the beginning of NieR’s equivalent of the space race. Only instead of the moon being in space, it’s on the best crafted behind.





A bizarre gear filled block can be shoved out of the way from the end of the canyon to reveal a path back to civilization. Or well... a place where androids might hang out, at least.



Hey guys, sorry to burst through a wall while you’re just hanging out and suddenly murder you all. But question: did you all know about the Desert Housing... event? That was a weird scene to walk in on, guys. You all need to put up a warning sign or some shit in the future. Maybe a big Do Not Disturb sign or a tie on the door handle. I dunno. Figure it out, guys.



Following this cavern, we’ll eventually reach the surface level and 9S will contact his Operator. I think she’s only had one line so far (she confirms 2B and 9S are cleared to blow themselves up in the intro) but 9S has his own Operator, 21O. She is... considerably less friendly than 6O.



*ring* 9S to Bunker, do you copy?



Operator, we uh... We just encountered a pair of humanoid machines. We weren’t able to capture them... But I have combat data ready for upload.
Understood. Ready to receive.
Hopefully you can get something out of it.





Turns out we’ve ended up all the way back at the buffer zone between the Desert proper and the City Ruins. Well, since we did investigate the machine surge and... kinda handled it, I suppose we ought to head back towards the Resistance Camp to plan our next move. Or at least upgrade or something. We’ve collected a mess of cash and materials during that desert excursion.



Entering the base camp at the edge of the city, we find Jackass has relocated here and the shop keeper seems to want our attention. Let’s see what these two have for us.



So I guess... you know. Thanks or whatever.

That’s about as much gratitude as we’ll ever get out of Jackass. I’ll take it. Let’s just remember she’s hanging out in this location. We might drop by for a chat at a later date.



Thanks for securing access to those desert resources. It’s a huge help. I know it isn’t much, but please take this. It’s the least I can do. Oh, and be sure to swing by if you ever need anything, all right?



Yeah, guy. You weren’t kidding. This isn’t much. That said, it is a good lesson in that it’s worth chatting up the locals after major story beats. If they don’t have new dialog, at least they might cough up a few extra goodies. Anyway, let’s get out of this lousy desert...



Say, 2B? I was hoping we could talk about our next move. I’m worried about the damage we took in that last battle with the machines. Maybe we should return to the Resistance camp to resupply and conduct maintenance?
All right. Let’s go back.



And that concludes Chapter 3 of NieR: Automata. Tune in next time in which we report back to the Bunker and receive new orders. And then things get umm... festive, let’s say.






Video: Episode 16 Highlight Reel (It’s a boss fight, you should probably watch it!)





Desert Housing Concept Art – For as much concept art as this area gets, it’s probably one of the least used regions in the game.