The Let's Play Archive

Oregon Trail

by Chewbot

Part 4: Worst Town Meeting Ever

Susan could tell that Cyrus' wanderlust was nearing critical mass, though she had no concept of what critical mass was. He would talk endlessly about "just throwing our stuff in the wagon and taking off", and she would always calmly remind him about the children and the business and the fact that she was happy here amongst the educated folks of Boston who had never tried to smear poop on her by waving it around on the end of a stick, a claim that could not be made of certain other places she had lived.

As she slept peacefully that night, her husband tossed and turned restlessly, images of family road trip dancing in his head. Suddenly he bolted upright and shook his slumbering wife violently.

Susan! Oh God in heaven, I need guidance! Wake up!

Mmmrph gfrr?

I couldn't sleep and I was thinking, it's over two thousand miles to Oregon. We need to figure out the best time to leave! If we choose wrong it could be catastrophy! DOOM! OH JEEZY CREEZY, we need to start packing the oxen now! Wait, we need to buy some Oxen! When do you think we should leave?!

Go back ter ssleee...

He slapped his wife hard across the face.

Listen, woman, our very lives are on the line, don't give me your sass!

Fer cryin out loud, if it's that important to you why don't we just go to one of those public meetings for "folks with the California-Oregon fever"?

He considered slapping her again for her insolence but it turned out she wasn't making fun of him. The next morning with great anticipation they headed over to the town hall, a bustling crowd milling about, excited to get started on their own journeys across the country. In the sweltering heat and dust they huddled together, pushing to get any view of the podium they could. Finally, as the crowd had begun to become dangerously restless and sunburned, a presenter stepped up to the box, a short, fat troll of a man, and began his speech.

With that he promptly waddled himself away. The crowd hung around, waiting for the next presenter, but slowly began to trickle off as they realized noone else was coming.

What the fuck was that!? I hate this city.

His wife sighed audibly.

So when do you want to leave?

Well, when are they gonna leave?