Part 53: Episode 52: Go Joe
Last time on Parasite Eve 2, a bunch of stuff happened, but mostly we learned that Golems can go get fucked. Seriously, fuck those guys.
Anyway, our quest to find No.9 and punch him in the junk has led us here, to the Underground Parking Garage of the Shelter. This place may be a hellish factory of death, but it is honestly the best thought-out evil laboratory I've ever seen. Umbrella labs never had a garage, or conveniently located sleeping quarters, or toilets.
: I don't think I need these.
Sadly, we don't get to drive the forklift through a mob of monsters. If this game were made today, that shit would be an achievement.
We can use this to get outside.
: 1. Stop vehicle on Turn Table.
2. Pass ID card through reader.
3. The gate will open.
So, in order to get outside, we need to get a car out of the garage and then use a pass-card. Because in case of fire, fuck you, basically.
Unfortunately, this isn't an ordinary garage.
You have to use this panel on the wall next to it to select the number of the container holding your car, and then an elaborate elevator system moves the selected container up to the door. Remember that crazy desert prison from Final Fantasy 8? It's kinda like that, but with slightly fewer monsters running loose.
Well, maybe we'll get lucky and there will be a car in Container 0.
Yeah, figured as much. So, only certain containers actually have cars, but we can't just pick any of them. We have to find the car that goes to that key we found earlier.
Further complicating things, we can't just press a number and call it. You need to use the four colored buttons at the bottom of the panel to move your selection. Red moves two down, Green moves one down. Blue is two right, and Yellow is one right. This seems really annoying to have to do every time you park, but we can probably chalk this puzzle up to the system malfunctioning.
Container 13 has this neat little prize. It's actually a Belt Pouch, but despite what Aya says, the control system continues to be as finicky as it wants whether we find this or not.
There's probably several goodies hidden in various containers here, but I really do not have the patience to check every one. As far as I know, there's no super awesome railgun or anything hidden in here, so who cares.
Anyway, all you need to know is that any lit up number contains a car.
Cya later shitlords
Container 3 holds the car we need. You can tell it's the right one because it's red and therefore 3 times faster than normal Jeeps!
: The key fits! I'm off...
we went a whole 4 feet, hell yeah!
Anyway, we still need to fiddle with this thingy. So, we need an employee ID, but where are gonna get one of those?
Unfortunately, an unspecified distance down the tunnel, we are forced to stop. I wonder why?
Oh. That'll do it. Well, let's just get it open.
: I'll have to hoof it from here.
Good thing there's a footpath!
Man, this a narrow corridor. Good thing there's no enemies chillin' out in here.
Well, that sucked. I decided to cast Heal after that one, and express my annoyance via whimsical sparklies.
The rest of the tunnel is crawling with Golems. You could take this as a sign that we're on the right path.
I just figured someone somewhere wanted me to have a buttload of BPs by the time I hit the next shop.
Also, Metabolism is pretty showy for such a basic curative spell.
: I remember this bike from the mines... Isn't it No.9's!? There's that leather holster with the bottle cap mark...
: This has to be his.
What? But you just said...
Oh. Hey, see this thing? This is completely optional, but trust me, you want this Teddy Bear. Seriously.
: No.9's bike. He's taken Eve. They may still be close by.
Thanks for the recap, Aya.
All told, this little tunnel section is pretty short. Seriously, there's only like one more room.
Oh, that gate was locked?
: Funny, a password has already been entered.
Nice of No.9 to somehow leave the password entered after presumably locking the gate behind him.
The metal thingy actually spins around a little and unlatches. Pretty neat.
There's a panel?
Oh whatever, into the next room.
Of course, we can't just leave without saying goodbye to our new friends. That would be rude.
Honestly, the upside of the Knight Golems is that they make every other Golem a breeze to fight in comparison.
Free ammo, nice. Airburst Grenades are more effective against large groups, so they aren't exactly the best option for dueling Golems. But they are free, so I like them.
Naturally, there's some stuff to see in here before we go.
: It looks like it's out of juice.
: It says [Chemical Fertilizer].
I hope they all die
That's a nice sentiment, but I still say we burn this joint to the ground and salt the earth. Even though I guess it's underground...
So, on the other side of this gate, we will get hit in the face with an FMV. A wonderful magical FMV
I highly recommend watching the following video.
Seriously, click this shit!
Aya sprints towards the daylight.
Because of the army of Golems, you see.
: A couple hundred super soldiers with laser swords?
: Bring that shit, chumps.
But some noob totally steals her kill
: Well, that was weird. Did you guys see that?
: OH GOD THE PAIN
Aya is stunned by this rampant murder that she is not responsible for. Who the fuck...?
Oh shit, the Army's here!?
Wait a minute, the army showing up in a horror game? I know how this goes. Those poor soldiers are gonna get torn to shreds by the Golems.
For the first time in genre history, the military rolls in and just wrecks shit up!
: Welcome to Earth!
: The horror...the horror...
: Almost? What do you mean?
: We are unable to enter one sector due to a biological barrier...
: But we just received word that the MIST agent destroyed the barrier.
: Recon says they've confirmed an additional, new barrier, sir.
: Around our objective, by any chance?
: As we have yet to confirm our objective, it's possible...
: What now, then? We're at the end of our options.
: How much time should we allow for withdrawal?
: Unfortunately, there's no time left.
: The fate of 260 million U.S. citizens is riding on this decision.