Part 1: The Cult of Darkrai
Ten people are pictured here. I sincerely hope none of them ever wind up reading this, because I'm gonna spend quite a lot of time savaging this game.
Please support the official release.
We don't have to press any buttons here. The game moves on after a few seconds.
I've beaten this game. I still don't know why Giratina is on the title screen. I can think of close to a half dozen other legendaries that have more cause to be there.
EDIT FROM APRIL, 2019: It's because of a bug. It's supposed to be Mew.
No, I don't think we need to load my endgame save. Let's ignore the question of why I have two Gardevoir... or why it looks like I have a purple maned boar.
Much better! Do official pokemon games have multiple save files? I don't believe ORAS did, but I didn't pay too close attention regardless.
Just need to change a few settings real quick. First off, text speed goes to max where it will never leave.
Music gets muted and sounds get cut to 80% of normal. The music that comes with the game doesn't loop correctly. For instance, the pokecenter theme is 30 seconds of music and then 5 seconds of nothing while it repeats.
I'm sure I could fix it, but that's expending effort and it's a lot easier to just open iTunes and catch up on my growing podcast backlog.
Difficulty will stay on Normal for most of the game. The difficulty setting only affects rival battles, gym battles, and major plot battles. Teams on Easy generally have lower levels and the movesets aren't as dickish. Hard mode is just All Competitive Viable Teams All The Time, and fuck that noise.
Turbo speed doesn't matter because after the first update I'm gonna open CheatEngine and toggle the speedhack. For whatever reason this game is really goddamned slow by default. Turbo is supposed to alleviate that, but it doesn't work during scene transitions or during some pokemon moves... or during plot moments. Also it's a "hold to activate" thing, so it's a lot easier to tell CheatEngine to run the game at 1.75x speed and have something playable.
Purity mode is going to be off because this game has something called Delta Pokemon that are equal parts amazing and stupid and they need to be shared with the world. I unironically love them and Purity Mode disables them.
Constant Daytime is on because otherwise the game is way too dark at night.
Anyway, that's all the options that I needed to toggle. Let's boogy!
I mentioned above that I've beaten this game before. I'm kinda curious how some plot details go in the traditional story. We're not gonna find out because this is a pokemon fangame LP. We're in this for the atrocity tourism. Dark all the way!
switch later on if it's too tame or edgy.
This setting can be changed at pretty much any time, as long as we're in a pokecenter. The story isn't even all that edgelord-y, to be honest. This is certainly no Reborn.
The framerate takes a sharp nosedive when the view turns like this. That aside, this is a pretty nice view of the region.
The game even does this stylish little spin for us.
That desert is right next to an ocean, but it's entirely enclosed by a mountain. That's more thought than most map designers give!
: We live in dark times, my friends. A grave loss has recently befallen us all.
protect his people.
This game has a lot of text and while I'm sure a transcript exists somewhere, I don't care that much. This isn't high art, it's a pulpy pokemon fantasy story.
"As you know."
: They won't rest until the world is remade exactly how they want it to be.
: He saved us.
The Augur is pretty much the leader of the region. You know all the crap you see Champions up to in mainline pokemon games? The Augur does that here. So what we're seeing is some rando standing up and saying "Hey. Look at me. I'm the Captain now."
: We will stand our ground! We will not let these cultists... these insurgents... split apart ouf families and destroy the place we call home! Long live the Torren Region!
Fuck no! People that would do a challenge run of Pokemon Insurgence are not well. My first run had multiple fights where the only reason I won was because I kept stalling with revives. I'm no competitive battler, but I've been playing these games since they first came out in the US over 20 years ago. This game is really fucking hard.
Invoking Arceus as you would a diety is such an awkward way to phrase things.
: If you value your memories at all, you'll listen to what I have to say.
In the grand tradition of pokemon LPs, this is a female protagonist. Her name was picked at random.
Our three choices are "pasty" "anime character" and "slightly tanned." These pictures are also all liars because our character does not, and in fact will never, wear shoes. We will walk through multiple active volcanoes, a marsh, and several snowy fields.
Some searching has turned up that with the 1.2.3 patch that came out more than 2 years ago, the player character decided to forego shoes for whatever dumb reason. Sure, why not?
For what it's worth, we're playing as an anime character with purple hair.
: Thank goodness. You still remember everything!
We're being menaced by a Gengar.
: You need to wake up!
: Soon, Dream Eater will rid the prisoner of the last of her memories. Hopefully we'll be done within the hour.
This is Persephone. She's one of the game's many, many, many antagonists, and a particularly annoying one at that.
: Excellent. Finally, we'll have fulfilled our end of the bargain. Good work, you two.
: Will you be attending?
: Very well. I'll see you upstairs, then.
: Kill them, of course. I expect you upstairs within two minutes.
: Why are we bothering to wipe their memories if we're just going to kill them anyways?
Persephone is kind of a terrible boss. The "violently psychotic" sort.
This is the only pokemon voice clip in the game. Everything else uses the clips from the real games. Well, kinda. For some reason Chansey uses Fearow's noise... and Charmander's cry plays its second half before its first half.
What I'm getting at is sound isn't this game's strong suit.
Mew chases off the Gengar...
: The Gengar's gone... go. Follow Mew, get out of here, and never look back. Good luck.
We're finally given control! So let's wander around and explore our prison.
The game's a tad buggy. This will sort itself out eventually.
The hallway twists around back on itself. There's a RPG Maker map below.
Items typically show up on the field as the thing they are. So a purple bottle means a regular potion, for instance.
We started in the top left. The potion room is the top right. Our next stop is the bookcase in the bottom middle.
Long story short, there's five cults: Cult of Darkrai, Abyssal Cult, Infernal Cult, Sky Cult, and Perfection. We're being held prisoner by the Cult of Darkrai who, for some reason, worship the Legendary Pokemon of Nightmares.
All the other doors on the floor are locked. So let's just head upstairs...
No point in posting a map. We can only go one place. So let's keep heading up!
Okay cool. We now have a quest: we need to find some DNA.
I guess the Cult of Darkrai isn't very hygenic.
Gross. Do you want diseases? Because this is how you get diseases!
So Mew has been following us around. This isn't just because it likes us. Insurgence is like HGSS in that the first pokemon in your party will follow you around on the overworld. You can talk to them and they'll give a cute little text box about whatever it is they're doing. Mew, however, is special in that it can use its special powers.
So let's turn into a smelly cultist and get the hell out of here.
Did I say "get out of here"? I meant "let's steal everything that isn't nailed down."
Well shit that didn't last long.
Moving on, let's go down first.
This is the exit. Maybe if we ask really nicely, this religious fanatic will move aside.
Also grabbing that potion up above. The positioning for these items is a little finicky. You have to be just above its sprite in order to take it.
More goodies in the toxic waste meeting hall up north.
Up on the next floor is a large pool of Ecto Cooler. We can't get back in here until the very end of the game, but there's actually a Master Ball hidden just out of sight south of where we're standing now. Not being able to get it is a tad frustrating, but it's not like I'd actually use it even if I did have it.
Over to the right here we can find another gathering hall.
I guess Persephone really likes Darkrai?
Also I want to give a shout out to awkward phrasing that makes it sound like all the cults want to summon Darkrai.
"The exports of Kalos are numerous in amount. One thing they export is corn, or as the Native Unovans call it, "maize". Another famous Unovan was Hilda. In conclusion, Kalos is a land of contrasts."
Isn't this the backstory of that weird immortal that appeared out of nowhere at the end of the plot in XY? Well, whatever. Let's move on.
That's a lot of cultists.
Seems like Darkrai is on everyone's minds currently. Makes sense.
"Yeah, we ate together at lunch earlier."
This person is not strictly wrong.
I don't get it, but bless your heart regardless.
Is it the stab wounds? I bet it's the stab wounds.
The jerk on the left and middle say the same thing, and we can't talk to the guy on the right because he's past the cutscene trigger zone. So let's watch the sacrifice I guess?
: And so we begin...
: Miss! Please, you can't do this! I don't want to die!
Persephone is a rules lawyer it seems.
: Activate the ritual circle!
: I call upon you to enter our world!
of nightmares forever!
In Insurgence, Legendary pokemon all have a special animation when they appear.
A design appears that I guess somehow relates to the pokemon in question, and their cry can be heard repeatedly.
I'm gonna just put her entire speech in with no commentary. You'll understand why.
Pffhahahahaha. I'd feel bad for laughing at her, but she's so pathetic.
: ... ... ...
The game loves its ellipsis abuse.
: What a waste of a grunt...
: Get out of my way.
Most of the grunts have new dialogue, but it's all some combination of "what went wrong?" or "Wow, Persephone sucks. I wish I wasn't a cultist."
Well, okay. Maybe not that last one.
You can count the number of remaining cultists on two hands. Give it enough time and she'll run out of cannon foder.
Wayyy ahead of you.
This is back near the exit.
How this cult survived this long I'll never know.
Let's get the hell out of here.
The exit to the forest area is just below us. But before I end this update, let's find out what happens if we get into a fight...
Mew is kinda powerful, as it turns out.
I personally wouldn't use Ancient Power, but that's just me not liking moves with only 5PP.
So let's end the update here.
NEXT TIME: We explore the first town and get our starter