The Let's Play Archive


by Various

Part 1: Prologue: Twilight of the Old World Order


Twilight of the Old World Order

Rumors of war spread widely as the world inches towards the brink of calamity. Of the all the nations, six distinct factions have emerged, each of which has everything to gain by exploiting this unique moment of crisis. They are:

Commander: General G.D. Googington

G. D. Googington started off as a mere cog in the political wheels of the country now known as Maudania; he served as an assistant to one of the members of the country's Senate, which in the time before his rise to power ruled the poor citizenry with a tyrannical iron fist. The Senate was completely ineffectual in bringing prosperity to its people, instead bringing misery and shame to the country both internally and abroad. At the urging of a dear friend, Googington ran for his superior's office after he strangely and tragically vanished; he was elected in an absolute landslide, as the people recognized his gifted leadership and obvious intellectual superiority.

Now serving on the Senate, Googington provided the lone voice of reason in a sea of chaos, crying out that the Board must do more to help the disenfranchised people and less to line their own pockets. Tragically, his efforts were blocked by the uncooperative and unimaginative Senate, and tyranny continued to rule the day. As fate would have it, each member of the Senate vanished in a manner much like that which fell Googington's former superior; luckily, Googington himself was saved from these cruel twists. Standing now as the lone member of the Senate, Googington was convinced--again by his most trusted friend--that in order to fix the problems that faced his country, an entire new government had to be formed. He installed himself as leader, forming the new Senate as the current nonbinding body that it is today, and the rest--as they say--is history.

The people of Maudania are a quiet, industrious folk, the likes of which were very easily manipulated by the past tyrannical regimes. Luckily, now that they have free choice in whom they elect to the Senate, they have realized that Mr. Googington is clearly the most capable leader they have ever had, and therefore it does not matter that there exists no provision for him to be removed from his office. It is plain to see that great times lay ahead for Maudania, as their great leader marches them forward into unimaginable glory.

~Alexandre DuMal - High Communicator of Maudania

Commander: Decider Roomforthetuna

Decider Roomforthetuna first came to "power" as editor of the Clambodia's
Choice newspaper. He achieved this mostly by doing the previous editor's
job for him, so as to be a natural successor when the editor retired.

After "editing" popular opinion so as to encourage vetoing the previous
decider's decisions, Editor Roomforthetuna stepped forward as a more in-
tune representative of the people. With the news reporting no disagreement
with this claim, the decision was duly made.

Once in power, Roomforthetuna turned out to be a lot more benevolent than
one might expect from the story so far. Even the rumours about unwanted
vetoers were nothing more than rumours, well-documented only by
Clambodia's Choice. In fact, the populace of Clambodia have all been
relatively happy under Roomforthetuna's rule. Until now.

As a mostly pacifistic people, this latest decision of "let's make the whole
world a unanimocracy, by force if needs be" isn't so popular - but nobody
wants to be the one person to stand in the way of what appears to be the
greater good.

Commander: The Glorious Leader Smarms

The humble leader of Smarmadonia, Our Glorious Leader, took the burden of leadership upon his most broad and dashing shoulders with much despair. He knew not how he, a simple man, could lead a wondrous people such as the incredibly hard-working and diligent peasant class of Smarmadonia, leading exporter of both dirt and mud. The mantle of leadership was thrust upon him by a mandate of the people, many of whom had dined with Our Glorious Leader on multiple occasions, feasting on the best fowl and grubs in the land.

With a heavy heart and a beleaguered mind, Our Glorious Leader went about righting the wrongs of our previous leader, the most vile and wicked peace-nic Cimmy Jarter, who used the wealth of our working class not for brutal expansionism and imperialism, but for the fool's errands of health care and education! Who needs to know math in our glorious land, when we all aspire to become mud farmers?

The people of Smarmadonia are a hardworking bunch. They are healthy and hale, immune to most mud-borne diseases. Interestingly enough, the invention of both bug spray and the fly swatter came from Smarmadonia, in efforts to repel the mighty mosquitoes of the region. The military is commanded solely by Our Glorious Leader, and the leadership hierarchy flows directly from the fruit of Our Glorious Leader's loins, with many of our top ranking officials being sons of Our Glorious Leader, to enable better communication.

The army itself is made up of mostly disabled mud farmers who can no longer tend their farms, for the firing of a rifle is far easier than the heaving of a shovel!

Commander: H.R.M of the House of Thorns, Balthor III

Verdania is an old and crumbling empire. The glory days of conquest are now but fodder for the patriotic productions of the playhouses, and Verdonia has been steadily losing territory to political turmoil for the last two centuries. Her people are quite varied racially and culturally, but are united by their religious devotion to the Orthodox Holy Mother Church of the True. Verdania is somewhat backwards technologically, however, that may soon change. H.R.M. Balthor III has ascended the throne after the untimely death of his father H.R.M. Balthor II, and has already made great strides towards modernization. Balthor III has made many political enemies amongst the aristocrats by forming a Parliament in which non-nobles are given legal representation. He deemed this was necessary, as many portions of Verdania had been lost already due to the abuses of the entrenched upper class.

Balthor III is a young, vigorous and shrewd leader. He was christened king at the age of 27 after the assassination of his father by assailants unknown. Balthor has a great fascination with all things foreign and technological, and he seeks to revitalize his empire through education and modernization. His military career was brief, merely a short stint in the army during which he was involved in a few minor skirmishes with revolutionary forces. Balthor is publicly a very deeply pious man, privately not so, and has declared as his personal quest to spread the authority of the Church of the True to all corners of the globe. Verdania is gearing up for inevitable war to come, and every Verdanian looks forward to the day when all see the light.

Commander: Chief of Operations Medibot

The People's Republic of Jargonia, often simply called Jargonia, was established in 1971 by Albert Jarvis and Edmund Gonsworth. The two were on the run from the British government, wanted on charges of mustache wax smuggling. Originally designed to be a tax haven and tourist attraction, a vital power shift occurred in 1998 when a drunken tourist mistook the elderly ruling pair for muggers and shot them. The two had not planned to die simultaneously, so there was considerable turmoil for two weeks regarding the issue of succession. This was resolved when the main government office's computer mainframe declared itself the rightful inheritor of the throne, being the only sentient entity previously in possession of the co-dictators. Some opposition groups were formed, but they died down when all members were executed in the streets five minutes later.

Although the computer was (and still is) the Supreme Dictator of Jargonia, all daily management is left to the Chief of Operations. The Chief of Operations serves a one-year term. A new Chief is selected each July, when the current Chief sings the national anthem to the Supreme Dictator. The audio data is hashed against a database containing the residents of the Grand Jargonia Hotel at the time Jarvis and Gonsworth were killed. No person may serve more than one term as Chief of Operations. After serving the term, the former Chief is entitled to a lifetime pension, unless the Supreme Dictator is particularly displeased with their reign. In this case, the pension amount is halved, and the former Chief is exiled to Nowhere, a timeless void outside the reaches of mortal man.

Although the Chief of Operations has complete control over all of Jargonia's resources, he or she may be overruled at any time by the Supreme Dictator. If, after a debate lasting no more than one week, an agreement is not reached, the matter is resolved by demolition derby. This has not occurred frequently, except under the leadership of Chief of Operations Lorraine, who ruled from 2002 to 2003. As a mother of two young boys, she often deliberately disagreed so as to amuse her children with the ensuing automotive carnage. Although the Supreme Dictator was somewhat displeased by this behavior, Chief of Operations Lorraine's invention of a highly efficient electric mobility scooter during her second to last month in office and the resulting economic growth greatly overshadowed the arguably irresponsible use of demolition derby-related resources.

The citizens of Jargonia consist mainly of tourists who decided that they would rather not return to whatever life they had decided to take a vacation from. As Jargonia has no extradition treaties with any other nation, many former unsavory-types choose to retire to pleasant and relaxing Jargonia, living off their ill-gotten riches. However, crime in Jargonia is lower than one might expect, largely due to the ever-watchful optical sensors of the Supreme Dictator's Peace-Bots, whose patrol is unending and whose hands do not forgive.

As the Chief of Operations 2009-2010, I plan to work with the Supreme Dictator to expand Jargonia's economy in the agricultural, tourism, and world domination sectors.

Commander: General Ironicus

I live to serve the child Emperor Adolphus Caesar and expand our borders to as many lands as he sees fit, which is to say all that exist on this world or any other. We have been given great technology by the Malevilus Gods: Babiyon, Abiss, Epok, Nekros, and the mighty Magog; allowing us to maintain our historic culture of conquest through the construction of automatons, of which I am one.

My experience is centuries of warfare crossing the boundaries of realities to acquire the resources necessary for further conquest, and to convert the conquered to our enlightened way of life. Our people enjoy many benefits, including the right to serve as slaves to our Emperor. Our technology has granted them long life and and the greatest gladiatorial combat of all time featuring beasts from across the galaxy.

~General Ironicus

The current disposition of forces is as follows:

All commanders are now free to submit their orders for the first round.