The Let's Play Archive


by Various

Part 10: Inevitable

Chapter 9: Inevitable

The world stands thus:

Jargonia is calling up all its reserves to fend off the pink menace, rapidly sashaying their way...

Meanwhile, in China, General Googinton makes the most of his new caddy and sushi chef.

Initiative goes to...


General Ironicus advanced from Irkutsk, pouring every available reserve into a single massed assault designed to dislodge the Jargonians from Asia and turn the tide of the war in the east.

His massive army, 13 full divisions, marched across the border into Kamchatka, where 11 divisions of Jargonian defenders awaited him.

The Iron Legion assault was swift and brutal.

Surrounding the enemy from all sides, Ironicus ordered his troops to charge their encircled foe and press the attack from every direction.

The Jargonians, however, were unintimidated. From their tightly woven lines came the horrendous roar of massed artillery in rifle fire. Blankets of lead tore in to the advancing Imperial divisions, sending flailing torsos and exquisite geysers of blood spiraling skywards.

And yet, on they came. As the encircling lines closed, so too did their gaps. Surrounded on all sides, the Jargonians found themselves with little room to maneuver, and became easy targets for the Iron Legion's artillery. Volley after volley of Imperial shells rained down on the Jargonian center, rending limb from limb and drowning out the din of battle with agonized cries of their mangled victims.

As the tumultuous, wretched, bloody affair wore on, the toll of attrition began to work against the now beleaguered defenders.

Facing defeat, and seeing no alternative, the Jargonian commander ordered his men to make one final thrust in a blind gambit to break through the enemy's stranglehold and regroup to attack from their rear.

Over the earthen ramparts they came, banners waving, and at a full sprint downhill brought the battle to their enemy. With sword and bayonet, hatchet and club, they smashed into the enemy's lines, battering and butchering their foes with merciless abandon.

But they could not break through.

Slowly, but with the crushing weight of inevitability, the Iron Legions whittled the last of the Jargonian force away, leaving nothing save a scorched, blackened hill, pocked round with deepening pools of blood.

Having reclaimed control of Asia, at the cost of almost his entire force, General Ironicus ordered his last remaining armies to seize the Alaskan Territory from its vulnerable defenders.

His army shattered, though victorious, Ironicus could go no further.

Meanwhile, in the south, the Iron Legion was on the move. Marching from Brazil, a force of 5 Neo-Roman divisions made short work of their opponents in Argentina and Peru, extending Imperial control over most of the continent.

Neo-Rome takes Kamchatka, Alaska, Argentina, and Peru!

Massing their forces in a spectacular defense, the armies of Smarmadonia hunkered down and prepared for the worst.

Their Glorious Leader, however, was nowhere to be found...

Having been thwarted in the east, Chief Medibot was left only one meaningful front upon which to engage the enemy. Desperate to somewhere take the initiative, he deployed his forces in Iceland to break the wall of Neo-Roman resistance in Scandinavia.

Though strong in numbers, Medibot knew he could not afford to suffer the kind of losses his opponent was capable of absorbing. He moved cautiously to make his landing on the continent.

Sensing their enemy's trepidation, Iron Legion commanders launched a full force counter-attack against the Jargonian beachheads.

Outflanked on land, and with less than half his divisions having even made landfall, Medibot was left no choice but to abandon his armies on the beach and retreat back to Iceland.

On the beach the stranded Jargonians found themselves hopelessly outnumbered and, with their backs to the sea, were swiftly butchered in the sand.


The noose is tightening on Jargonia, having now lost control of both North and South America to the invading Iron Legions. Though certain to defend their frigid lands to the last, there seems precious chance remaining that they will be able to halt the enemy's advance. Only one other nation stands to oppose the Empire, yet though they are well defended, the mysterious absence of their Glorious Leader has rendered them immobile.

Coming soon, turn 10, in which we will all pretend to act surprised!

Cards are still worth 15 armies