Part 13: I's the b'y that raids the boat

Whoops, I meant just five hundred I don't know money terms, probably because I have no money anymore.



Well that was a waste of time. Let's go see if Dog has any ideas.



: "See, now I'm curious. We dropped everyone in Drake Towers, so where are these guys even coming from now?"

: "Maybe from the Volcano. Volcaaano."

: "Your sass is getting more biting over the course of this journey."

: "I've made more puns tonight than I ever have before, and it terrifies me."

: "It's a disease."



On this dock, an exceptionally difficult to see item is here.

: "Oh gross."

: "Are those... mermaid scales?"

: "It looks like it. A mermaid must have gotten stuck on th... Why are you picking them up."

: "I dunno, Dog might want them. He wanted those leaves you had."

: "Those were sacred leaves from my homeland."

: "He also wanted a paperweight and a zombie bone."



: "Jake, are you carrying mermaid scales? And octopus ink?"

: "Yup"

: "With these items, I can confer unto you the Freeze Spell."

: "Oh no"

: "Oh YES."

Freeze is a pretty great spell I assume since I never found the mermaid scales before. At it's max level, it costs 10 MP, and freezes an enemy for THIRTY SECONDS. This isn't overly useful for random goons, but you can seriously fuck up some of the boss enemies with this.

Also oh lordy the ice puns it enables.

: "I'm not even going to make any right now. I'm going to save them."



: "Yeah, I'm going to pop out for now, I don't want to be around when the pun storm happens."

: "Category five hurripain, baby."

: "Right. If you need me, come see me at the Wastelands."

: "Can't I just rehire you now?"

: "Nope. Once I blow this thousand nuyen on drinks, I'll take another thousand though."

: "Fair enough."



So we COULD go to the Wastelands and pick up Froguetongue again, but we have a couple more runners we haven't spoken to yet.



Back to the Jagged Nails. You might remember the other two people we saw in here, given they were two of the three patrons. Including Jake.



: "Sup. Here."



: "Don't give me that look."



The fellow on the left is a Decker, and also one of the best runners overall. He's also REALLY FUCKING EXPENSIVE. as in five keys expensive without Negotiation maxed out. Fuuuuuuuck that.

On the left is a bit more fiscally responsible choice.



This line wierds me the fuck out. Technomancers were (As far as I know, I might be so fucking wrong about this) introduced in the 4th Edition of Shadowrun, released in 2005. This game was released in 1993, concurrent with 2e.

Technomancers also first appeared after the Matrix Crash in 2064, the game clearly states this is 2050.

So Technomancers don't exist in-universe OR as a game mechanic for twelve more years.

What is your deal, Spatter.

: "Don't insult me! We're talking more like 2000 nuyen if you want the magic on your side. Money buys power!"

: "I don't like this man."

: "What's the matter, scared I'm a better caster than you?"

: "Sounds like someone in the room is begging for a fist to their nard--"

: "KITSUNE WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN"

: "Whoops, I'm gonna go hang with Glutman for a bit."

: "I PAID YOU FOURTY THOUSAND NUYEN FOR THIS SHOW"

: "Hey just an FYI, I'm taking one of your two customers. Also I lost your strobes, probably."



"DON'T INSULT ME I WANT TWO THOUSAND yes probably one and a half is good enough" Spatter is a moron.



Spatter is also a really meh mage. He has powerball, which is useless, a lesser heal than either Kitsune or Jake, and only 80 MP. The ONLY magical advantage he has is the Armour spell, which is only really useful for half of Drake Tower.

He is however, a decent enough gunslinger, but if you wanted a gunslinger, Anders and Frogtongue are both far better. Norbert's on a whole other level.



I also took the time to level up Freeze. Powerball will be left at level one. Fuck powerball.



Let's head back to the docks and see if the ferryman has had a change of heart.



: "Aye."

: "Aye?"

: "Aye."

: "Aye. Mermaids are gone."

: "Where did they go?"

: "Someone dumped a truck full of ice into the harbour. Drove them all off and killed all the babies that couldn't swim fast enough. Not sure who did it."

: "I."

: "Aye?"

: "Aye."

: "I..."



You need to have 1000 nuyen to hire the boat, but once we pay him once, he'll take us whenever we want.



Off to Bremerton we go!



: "Admittedly I don't remember anything before I woke up in the morgue, but I'm decently sure this isn't Bremerton."



: "Yeah, pretty sure this isn't it."

: "Dog said something about the Jester Spirit being a spirit of "Technology in Decay""

: "This is more technology torpedoed to shit."



So this is the boat level. If any of you saw the two and a half hour nightmare of a Jurassic Park LP from the 2007 LP thread, you'll know Boats and Danaru don't mix at all. I cut out a TON of confused backtracking here. It's not even that difficult of an area, I'm just REALLY incompetent.



The upper deck is just really a straight shot, but you may notice a lot of doors. They're all rusted shut.



A dog attacks us up here. We get "Dog Tag" from it. You can probably guess who it's for.



Now this door, this door is different. It LOOKS the same, but if you remember, we have a crowbar we looted from a dead Rust Stilettos member. God help you if you forgot that crowbar.



: "Ewwwwww."

: "Jake, how is shooting the puddle of ooze going to..."



: "...Well apparently you CAN solve any problem by shooting it."

: "Been saying that all my life."



There's a button here. It looks kinda like a light, but it opens the door downstairs. it's a fairly good way of conveying what you're supposed to be looking for. Also yes there will be button puzzles.



For now though, they're keeping it simple. Push button, open door.



The boat can be kind of confusing, especially compared to Drake Towers' straight shot upward. To most people it would be a fairly simple maze. I am no normal man.





There are three identical flights of stairs downwards here. What the hell kind of ship IS this



At the very bottom is this guy and a safe. Safe means presents!



Conveniently, he had the key on him. For as many "Want to make progress?! Hope you knew to steal that scalpel and save the shaman to get a magical action figure motherfucker!" dick moves there are, there's a lot of simple gimmes too. It's like the devs couldn't figure out if they liked or hated the player.



Inside are two items, a detonator!



...And a broken bottle. The bottle has no use. Zero. None.



The detonator on the other hand, immediately combines with the explosives we stole from the dude on the dock to make the Time Bomb.

: "eeeeeee"



The broken bottle had Toxic Desolver in it. But it's broken, so it doesn't anymore.

Why was this item put in the game but the cell phone was dummied out. Dick move guys.



A couple more guys respawned along the stair case. Honestly nothing in here is as strong as what we fought in Drake Tower. I rarely even had to heal the gang.

: "This boat doesn't even seem to be that damaged aside from that one hole in the deck. She still floats just fine, and apparently houses a good sized crew."

: "Who cares, let's just get this over with."

: "What's wrong? Scared of a couple goons and a spirit?"

: "Sick of the wet-dog smell, more like it."

: "I'm a FOX you little shit"

: "Down girl, I spent fifteen hundred on him, don't kill him."

: "Grrr..."



There are a lot of paths to go down, but most of them either loop, or go immediately to a dead end.



In this room, everyone starts blasting that black puddle over there for some reason.



: "Like I need provocation to shoot something."



Once it... dies? It leaves behind a gross puddle.



: "What am I doing with my life?"



And now we have the toxic water. Whoo.



ANOTHER set of three identical flights of stairs, but these are slightly less identical.



: "Button!"



: ""

Well that does nothing, let's continue down.



: "Button!"



: "Uhhhh"

: "Do you hear someone banging and shouting?"

: "Oh hey, maybe that other button works now!"

Let's head back up!



: "Okay yeah I definitely heard the screams that time."

: "Nice to see those ears aren't just for show."

: "I swear to god."

: "Man, that is a TERRIBLE way to die."



: "Well let's go look for loot."



So here's the deal, let's imagine you, the sharp-eyed adventure game player that you are, decides to come all the way down without pushing the buttons first. You're immediately greeted by four invincible orcs. They can ONLY be killed by drowning/crushing them through water pressure. Which was easy for you because you spotted those buttons the first time. You think you're better than me, don't you.



: "At least this is safe! "

The safe key doesn't work, so let's confer to our panel of party members for ideas.

: "Who cares about some stupid safe, are we going to finish this run or what?"

: "Do we have a way of picking the lock? or just straight up destroying the door?"

: "I already planted that time bomb."



The explosion somehow did zero damage to both Jake and Kitsune. At least it did the job of destroying the door!



Inside is a bottle of Toxic Dissolver.

An unbroken bottle.

So the bottle can clearly survive an explosion. Meaning they purposely put a broken bottle in the other safe.

Drake's goons are fucking idiots.



Heading back up, we kill more of them. Who cares.







: "Gah what the hell?"

This green slime immediately beelines for Jake and starts stunlocking him. It can actually damage him too, unlike most of the goons on the ship.

You might be thinking "Use the toxic dissolver!", which is the obvious answer.



The... obvious answer that doesn't work. There's no way to get rid of this slime.



However, if we manage to tank our way past it...



We're back where we started! Fuck you too, Shadowrun.



I'm not letting some slime force me to take the long way around again. I will literally walk through acid solely to spite the acid.



In fact, you never need to go through the slime room to progress. If you're smart, you don't go through it at all. If you're stupid, you go through it twice.





Gang Leaders are a hilariously obsolete enemy by now. They're also shadows of the one we saw in the arena. I don't even think these guys are as strong as the gang leader over in the Rust Stiletto's house.



: "I'm no boat expert, but I'm decently sure the water's supposed to be on the outside."

: "Seek a door that carries a [9]"



Once again we come upon green slimes, but if our toxic dissolver doesn't work, and shooting it doesn't work, what works?



Oh wait, the toxic dissolver works now. Okay. Whatever. I'm not even mad about it.



Buttons! Having the left one on and the right one off makes the mines in the next room explode. Nothing hints at that, or at the fact that there are mines in the next room.



This button just opens the door.



: "Har! HAR!"

: "Awesome!"

: "What's that on the other side? Is that..."



: "Yeeahhh that's a portal."

: "The hell?"

: "Well, let's head in I guess. Maybe it'll take us somewhere nice."



: "Oh huh, not as bad as I was expecting."

: "What?!"

: "Tonight's events have made me a bit of a pessimist."



: "That is the goofiest thing I've seen all night."

This is the Naga. It looks fairly doofy, but it can dish out a respectable amount of damage. It also has a fair amount of defense, but it's health is only 30. It's not really an issue unless you're going solo.



That's all there really is to it. I guess we could have used Spatters' armour spell but who cares.



: "This place is gross."

: "Wimp."

: "I can't believe this is the second time we can bring up Dark Seed. This place is totally Geiger."



Bubbles! You can't kill these, but you can make them stop vomitting bubbles everywhere by shooting them a bit.



Pictured here are more bubbles. If you shoot them, they bounce and you can jump under them. Your dudes will become obsessed with shooting them forever, so keep walking.



: "Are ALL spirit dimensions like this?!"

: "Some of them. This isn't my first rodeo in a metaplane. Some of them are actually kind of nice."

: "You have? Really?"

: "I've had to put some uppity spirits in their place before. Or shitty mages."

: "The hell is that supposed to mean?"

: "Haha you reacted when I said "Shitty Mage" as if I was talking about you"

: "..."

: "I WAS, but still, haha"

: "Yeah okay so about these streams of fireballs hurtling at us."



So while you're in this room, fireballs will hurl in straight lines at you. SERPENTINE for christ's sake. One fireball can easily nail all of your party members.



Play your cards right and you should get to Giggles here no problem.



Jester Spirit has some harsh moves, and there's not a lot you can do about them. If you're careful, you CAN dodge them, but they're fast, so he'll keep you on the defensive.



Also stay as close to the wall as you can, Jester Spirit will fly backwards to try to mess up your cursor lock, which can waste a lot of aiming time.



When he says this, you won the fight. He'll keep attacking you, but unless you're an idiot, you'll immediately know what to do.





: "God you are SO lame."

: "Run, run, run as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'm the razorblade man!"

: "Uuuuuuuuugh"

: "Just say his name already, he's so lame he's making puns seem funny."

: "I would NEVER deign to partake in puns. They're the lowest form of comedy."

: "Your name is Laughlyn, that's basically a pun"



: "Oh, right, hey"

If you say Nirwanda here, he just says "You guessed wrong, little man!", and then you have to figure out Vlad lied to you and go stab him. Or stab him again if you only stabbed him once and accepted Nirwanda as the name. Thank god I'm the hacker equivalent of a kleptomaniac. And the regular equivalent I guess.



: "Choose wisely where you wish to summon my power, for only once it will be."

: "Tell me what you know about Drake"

: "Protector of the jokers. You will be in for a warm reception if you plan to challenge him, for a Volcano is his home. If this is where you intend to call on me, then so be it!"

: "VOLCANO"

: "There, fuck, now we can go to the stupid volcano"

: "VULCAYNUH"

: "Are you done"

: "VULCAYNUH JEHK ERMATERGE"

: "I must say, human, I'm impressed. I did not expect you to find out my true name. What will you do with my powers?"

: "Stuff you in my pants for now, who knows what'll come up."



GO THROUGH THIS PORTAL. It is 100% possible to backtrack, and if you immediately run out, you might not notice the portal coming down. Going through this portal activates a couple VERY important flags. Gun related flags.



Wait for it to come down, and then...



: "WHAT THE HELL WAS ANY OF THAT"



Back up through Drake Tower, we've got a key word to say!



: "...What?"

: "Are you betraying us?"

: "Die, dirtbag!"

: "I think he's betraying us."

: "...I uh, I was expecting a bunch of Drake's men to back me up, he said..."

: "Yeah we sorta slaughtered everyone in the building before we even hired you."

: "...Oh."

: "Kitsune, if you don't mind?"

: "Oh I've SO been waiting for this."



So yeah, if you're doing this normally, and Spatter betrays you amidst all the street samurai, it can be extremely dangerous. As it is, he died in seconds.

Also yeah he's dead forever. Who cares.



He also somehow lost 1400 nuyen in the last while.

So now it's just a straight shot to the roof. Let's head to the volcano!

Or... Actually, let's not. The game pulled a LOT of dick moves on us this update. Why don't we pay the game back a bit?



Talking to Kitsune, you may notice a lot of our keywords are gone. At a couple points in the game, it'll clean up your inventory of useless items and keywords to get rid of clutter. Specifically, you'll notice Laughlyn and Nirwanda are gone.



Before we get started, we finally have a new tier of weapon. Our current shotgun has a damage level of eight, this has a damage of ten, and requires a strength of five. Five is the max strength you'll ever need.



We also have this. Our current jacket has a defence of two, while this baby has a defense of FIVE. We basically can't get hurt by street mooks anymore.

But now we're broke, and we can't have that, but how can we make some more money?



: "How am I alive?! Why am I alive?!"

: "Heeeeyyyyy buddy!"

: "No no NO!"

That's right! Vlad is programmed to always be here if you don't know the word Laughlyn, to avoid killing him permanently and making Laughlyn unlearnable. That means we can kill him again!




And that's five thousand more nuyen! But that's not quite enough, is it?



Let's take a quick trip back to the boat. Everyone's dead, so aside from the bubbles (which will start battles and eventually cause you to run out of time with your runners, but who cares.) it's a clean shot through.



Back through the portal and...

: "Hey I forgot the Jester Spirit's name again! Let's go see Vlad!"



: "Why are you doing this?!"

: "I need money fast!"

: "This is... REALLY messed up."

You can do this INFINITE times. It's free money. There are NO drawbacks to this. I'm not going to do it forever since I have some semblance of integrity, but I did it enough times to get ourselves some cyberware. This game OWES me for my childhood.



And the cyberware that's available is great! These boosted reflexes let us shoot faster, from 2.6 shots a second to 1.8.



Maplethorpe also updated his stock with this! Dermal Plating adds two armour points to whatever you're wearing, meaning we went from two armour points to SEVEN. And all we had to do was resurrect a vampire specifically to murder him!

BY THE WAY YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT THE LAST TWO SCREENSHOTS LOOK DIFFERENT, IT'S BECAUSE I FINALLY REALIZED THAT THE SCREEN WAS EVER SO SLIGHTLY RESIZED SMALLER THAN NORMAL AND THAT'S WHY EVERY SCREENSHOT BEFORE LOOKED LIKE IT WAS RESIZED INCORRECTLY. IT TOOK ME ELEVEN UPDATES TO FIGURE OUT WHY IT WAS HAPPENING. I'M SO COMPETENT IT PHYSICALLY HURTS.

Seriously though CirclMastr this is the level of stupid you're letting into your pen and paper RPG. I hope you're ready.

: "Okay the datajack and the skill software were low essence, but this is seriously going to cause you problems, Jake."

: "Ehhhhh it'll get done."