Part 18: Aspirations of K
Chapter 12 - Aspirations of K
You know, I've been thinking about it and there was something I forgot to tell you guys. I've also been into B's friend K for awhile. Not secretly in love with her like with B, just you know - like a crush thing. But K always had a boyfriend, and even down here on vacation, she's dating King Dickbag!
But things were different now... amazingly, I had proof that King Dickbag and A were making out! Yes, A! L's A! Well, sorta proof...
I saw them making out on the ski lift. I think.
What I did see was...
Besides the exact same outfits and similar hair on a ski lift, they even leaned in toward each other! Now was my chance! I could break up K and DB2 so that I could finally hook up with K! It was brilliant! I was brilliant!
I couldn't chance it! I had to tell her!
I even made another Powerpoint!
With that, I called K and had her meet me at the nature trail. And then I told her what I saw. (Or thought I did.)
It was off to a rocky start.
Crap, I don't know what to do!
What should I say, Internet?
Watch and learn.
Damn right, baby. This was it. Moment of truth.
Oh, crap. I blanked.
Dick-O! It's the Brett-Man!
Er... I could think of a LOT to say this time around.
Note: There are 3 options in the last picture.
Listen, I was having some girl trouble and thought maybe you could give me some advice...
Before your last advice, the conversation looked like this:
Your opponent says:
Now the conversation looks like:
Who do you think are the hottest girls?
...I didn't think this through...
You guys are crazy! I can't introduce the accusation right now!
Instead, I blurted out:
They're all hot to me.
I hate this guy.
What I really want is dirt.
Zinged again! Curse you, Dickbag!
Hmmm... I wasn't getting anywhere... or was I?
I heard that a certain woman on the mountain gets a little wild on the dance floor.
I heard a specific female specimen is a drop-dead awesome kisser.
There was only one thing I could think of saying.
Do you know anyone who's into me?
He could only be talking about Erica, though.
Uh oh... I was losing him!
Oh jeez, there was another reason I wanted to talk to you...
It suddenly occurred to me that there was a price, if I didn't get the point - or any point - across.
I had to make sure that I could at least pin down Dickbag to some location the time I saw him... and maybe even...
Well, at any rate. I had to take a deep breath and start over.
I just wanted to see how those new skis were handling.
Gotta keep up the deception. I have to get facts from him. Things I can maybe point out the contradictions on. Wait. No, that's Phoenix Wright. Get it guys? Haha. Anyway.
I'm not calling for the store, I'm calling because I want to buy my own pair.
Part of me wanted to just burst into tears and say, "I hate you Dickbag!"
You broken 'em in yet?
This is pertinent information.
Must be great to have some one-on-one time with the slopes.
More pertinent data acquired! Only one thing I could say here:
If I kept collecting information like this, Dickbag would just blurt out the truth, I bet!
So if you overcompensate on a right turn, you trash your right ankle.
I'm sure these random skiing tidbits would come in handy!
Oh yeah, there was another reason I wanted to talk to you.
K gave her approval and put on DB2's giant novelty glasses for a second. Those must be in fashion.
Now, to hit him again and make more progress.
Paco? How did Dickbag know I loved tacos?! And good God, do I look sexy.
If nothing else, the thing that annoyed me most about Dickbag was his grossly elongated thumbs that I was picturing as I talked to him. How do I respond to this?
I don't know guys. Shining Dickbag on might actually lead to a skiing competition!
Yeah, but none of them are you, so what does it matter?
And while this would go directly into a montage with some training highlights and inspirational 80's music - which incidentally, makes up the majority of my iPod - it would also lead to:
Me losing out on K. And I always wanted K, so I can't let that happen! I had to keep prying for information.
Do it, then. I dare you.
His sweet burn aside, I had the most important piece of evidence yet.
...Wait. Fuck, I was supposed to be learning about Dickbag cheating on K! Crap. Well, still, I felt like I was on the right track.
edit: Holy shit, 100 pages! Yay for Sprung, I guess.
The only problem with burning Dickbag was that it hurt! Hahaha! Like a scrotum!
Nah, I'm just kidding guys! Anyway, the only problem with burning Dickbag (haha) is that it would be blowing things early - I wanted the ultimate burn! Showing him off to be the cheating bastard that maybe he was! And getting his girlfriend! K!
I didn't know your mom could ski.
Which would lead to him hanging up again, undoubtedly. So, lemme try:
And I suppose you have more important people [to] tackle runs with.
Yeah, the circle jerks thing was pretty funny. It would probably just cause him to hang up, though. Like:
I had to keep my eyes on the prize. The prize sitting across from me at the table with her orange top, and sexy highlights. The prize who was turned on when I got cocky. I mean Kiki.
With who? Or is it whom?
Okay, correcting my grammar is usually a line-crosser in my book, but I had to let it slide. Play it cool.
This could be a pertinent clue. I had to pretend I was like Vett, gathering clues so I could trap him in a myriad of lies. Delicious lies!
Wait wait wait! One more thing.
Even K was rooting for me now! Maybe she'd suspected all along. Or maybe she even wanted Dickbag to be cheating; just so she could get with me. Maybe my crush was... dare I say... requited?! Nevertheless, time to press on.
Now it was back to square one... I decided to try an avenue I'd tried before...
Listen, I was having some girl trouble and thought maybe you could give me some advice.
Heh heh. Yeah, I bet you are. I don't know why you'd think I'd help you, though.
Listen- I ain't lookin' to swipe a steak from you, I just want you to throw me a bone.
Okay, okay, I'm not without compassion. I help the weak and dying when they're in need. What do you want to know?
Okay, I'll give it a shot...
You're trying to manipulate the guy into admitting something about Alex and you pull out "He must be talking about Erica." Wtf. Proceed as you did before, and when he mentions the fungus or whatever it was, say "Are you talking about Alex?" With any luck (and hopefully some sense on the writers part), he'll say something "Nah dumbass I'm hooking up with her. It's Erica HAHAHA Erica ha!"
Do you know anybody who's into me?
Are you talking about A?
Another clue. Things were adding up. Now I'd confirmed that A was hot and that Dickbag liked to ski! It was only about twenty more logical jumps to get to "They made out!"
I think we had the right idea earlier, so I continued.
What I really want is dirt... I heard a specific female speciment is a drop-dead awesome kisser.
I think I know who you're talking about.
I finished off that line of conversation by asking who the hottest girls were. There was no info to be garnered there, so I just ended with saying I wanted a frame of comparison was all.
Then go buy a magazine.
What a douche. Anyway, it was almost time to drop the hammer. But first.
Wait wait wait. I had another reason to talk to you.
And then, my deftest move yet!
No reason. Just wanted to chat.
Keep it cool, Brett. We can do this.
Shit. I'm out of ideas. Help!
It was a toss-up between friends and cool parties, so I opted for the thing that we need most in life.
You heard about any good parties lately?
Oh no! The jig was up! All was lost!
Eh? Wrap party? I hope those were the kind of wraps you get at Subway, because that's all I eat. And an occasional taco.
Actually, this is the first I've heard of it, but it sounds cool though.
I had the feeling that I'd stepped on a grammar landmine there, but who cared? I wanted to party, dammit!
Actually, considering I'd seen only about 14 people* close up... no, I hadn't! But still, I had to play this the right way.
* Brett, Lucas, Danny, Conor, Elliot, Becky, Alex, Erica, Kiki, Leanne, Shana, the Indian, Jocko**, and the Old Woman make 14.
** Thanks, Pr3ddy
I'm trying to switch things up by taking mid-animation pictures. Er... I mean, mid-pose. Whatever.
Option 2 on account of the funny new face you made.
No, I honestly didn't.
Oh burn me, now, Dickbag. Little do you know how the sword of... er... Damacy? The sword of Damacy hangs over your head!
Unfortunately, K would probably just get impatient and interrupt the call (why was beyond me) if I went with Ho hum, so...
But do you think I can get invited to this one?
But... I wanted to go to a party...
I could be a model! I just don't apply myself!
Life preservers? Okay, I'm pretty dumb, but that made no sense.
I bet DB2 would flip if he could take pictures of me!
I now had another pertinent clue.
One more thing...
I think you know that I am!
Someday, Dickbag... you'll get yours... maybe in the next couple of updates...
We now return you to our regularly scheduled Let's Play.
Sorry, guys, Dickbag and I got into a pretty heated debate on what the definition of wearing 80s clothes ironically was.
So, what were we talking about? Oh yeah! The fact that he worked at Sanctuary and I needed a job, but hey already had it filled.
Now he was bringing B into this. Think I was unfair to call him what I did?
I had to remember that dissing him was only short time relief, and I wanted a long time ego bruise.
Yeah- what's his deal?
Wait a sec, I smell pertinent information!
But it wasn't enough...
Uh, the left.
You should have seen it. It was hee-larious.
That was sufficient, but there was a Golden Line to be found - I could feel it. Instead of asking for a job at Sanctuary, I got him back on that subject, and said I just wanted to dance.
I don't think they'd let you in, looking the way you do.
Yeah, it is kind of hard for me to be as classy as a guy who dresses like a pirate.
We talked about Sean again, but now... I'd gotten enough clues. It was time to drop the hammer on this (maybe) cheating bastard once and for all!
This was it. It was time to use the clues I amassed and take down Dickbag.
I saw you hooking up with Alex on the ski lift.
Maybe you can try intimidating me, I thought. But you can't intimdate the truth!
I didn't need help this time. I had him.
But you said you were skiing every day this week.
But you said you never skied alone.
Thankfully, KDB's pride kept him from just hanging up on me like a normal person. Now to trap him.
So you must have been skiing with Sean or Elliot like you said.
Keep digging your own grave, asshole.
But you said DB2 has been busy with 12-hour photo shoots.
But you said he hurt his ankle.
Wow. This guy had a shorter memory than I did.
While I had a couple other ideas...
But it was his left ankle, so his right turns would have been weak.
Oh right! Right! I DID see A briefly this afternoon. But she was messing around on the bunny trail for most of the day, so we wouldn't have been on the ski lift.
While some of my sillier ideas were sure to be met with:
But you said A was an awesome skier. Why would she be on the bunny hill?
Oh wait, maybe that was somebody else.
Shit... he was worming out of it...
That's right- Alex and I shared a lift up to different runs. But it was completely innocent.
And you did say she was attractive though, didn't you?
OR DOES IT?
No.. I had to go with something else.
And she does have that reputation for being an incredible kisser.
Hey Dickbag. Guess what rhymes with beakerphone? Brett doesn't actually say that. I just wish he did because it was the stupidest thing I could think of.
I hate you!
It was time for Photoshop.
K looks less mannish than that in real life, by the by.
Oh no. I felt really bad.
I might have to wait weeks to be able to fuck-
Yeah, never mind.