Part 2: The Locker Room of My Heart
Chapter 2 - The Locker Room of My Heart
As soon as we got off the ski lift, B and I said goodbyes, but I never forgot the sweet cheek kiss I got. Score! It may not have been first base, but it was something like leading off first. Well, you're not really allowed to do that in baseball, but you guys know what I mean.
So, anyway, I decided to go to the locker room to set up for skiing with my friends D and L.
I had known D and L for awhile (not as long as B) and they were my best boys. They always wanted to help me fill my void of a dating life.
D was a stand-up comic, even though most people called him lame. I knew if I talked to him about B, then he'd say I should follow my heart and go after her.
L was a snowboarding junkie, and he was the best with girls of the three of us. Or at least he said he was. Anyway, I knew what he'd say - I should forget B and use the vacation to get as many girls as humanly possible.
I wasn't sure what to do with everything I was thinking, so I decided to hit them up for advice. In other words, it was time to either equip myself for either severe babe-hunting or one-on-one romancing.
I wrote myself an inspirational e-mail to remind myself of today's objective. I even gave it big fonts and a background and stuff.
I then met D and L where we were staying. For reference sake, here's a picture.
... Wait a minute. Wasn't I supposed to be meeting them in the locker room? Oh, I guess I meant it metaphorically. Anyway, yeah, after some skiing, and then the locker room, we went back to where we were staying. Here's pics of D & L:
It was time to decide which dating force to align with and equip myself accordingly.
Guys, what would you think if I asked B out?
L thought I was sprung? Me?! What do I even say to that?
'Outie' bellybuttons always made me feel kinda strange on the inside.
Well, it's true.
Well, L was completely off-topic, but maybe D had a point...
Hey Slowbeef, may we have the contents of the items stored in your puffy blue vest, just for reference? ... Or is it a jacket with pea-colored sleeves? I don't know anymore.
Inventory: You are carrying a brown wallet (empty), a bulky cellphone, a lucky rabbit's foot keychain, chewing gum, Amorous Action, and a Golden Line Notebook. Your Golden Line Notebook contains: - "No, you look like an aerobics instructor."
...I guess I knew all along.
B is smart, beautiful, funny ... she could have any guy she wants!
What could D have meant by that?
Uh... okay... suddenly a strange urge came over me. I kissed D in the way that B wouldn't kiss me.
Maxwell Adams posted:
Amorous action! Amorous action!
That didn't go so well. Now what do I say?
(Why did I look so disgusted in that picture?)
Well give it to me!
That didn't make sense. Oh, I guess he was talking about the thing to make B swoon. But then why'd he even offer it. Gasp! Holy shit, what if B is his girlfriend in North Dakota!
Wait no. I'm not thinking right. Crap, now I have to say something else.
What if B thinks of me as 'just a friend?'
Not sure who I agree with.
L is right. [L has the really translucent looking goatee thing]
I'd be happy being just friend with the funniest, smartest, most beautiful woman I know.
Maybe if this thread goes well through the whole vacation, I can convince her to start another E/N thread.
So you can play as Becky on this game. Is that like an easy mode?
Then again, we're not even through like a sixth of my story yet, so I hope it doesn't get stale or anything...
No, it just sounded good to say.
Eh? What am I, psychic? It seemed like our conversation was starting to go in circles, so I decided to take some initiative in what I could say.
And if there is a problem, then you'll know why. Brett, I say go for her. It's just like in all of those movies, the rich, good-looking guys with the cool cars never get the girl!
We're too young to be tied down to just one chick! We've got one week left at the lodge.
Well give it to me!
Only if you promise to use its powers for evil!
Quality, not quantity!
This was the biggest choice. What if it could affect my entire trip?! But what if it didn't? I mean what if this entire conversation is completely worthless and only serves to get me items for my collection and I'm leaving the majority of the choices up to the Internet because it just gets you different and possibly funnier responses, but ultimately this decision was of no consequence whatsoever?
No, certainly not. That couldn't be the case.
First you guys tell me to be true to myself and go with B, and now I should follow L's advice? Well, maybe this aphrodisiac thing could actually help, so.
I think I'm with Lucas on this one.
Lucas, tell me, what's wrong with admitting that you're in love?
Dude, shouldn't you be writing some comic monologue about the last time you got dumped?
I wasn't sure what to say here, so I went with my gut.
Guys, knock it off!
I figured D would be more of a pushover and side with me regardless, so:
Enough! I'm going to play the field.
Fine! Just don't come crying to me, thinking that you missed out of 'The One'!
And with that, I got my first number! D's!
However, this might net you a solo portion of woman if you're just looking for a single-decker sandwich snack.
What? Who says that? Well, L. That's just the kind of guy he is. And then, just because my life makes too much sense as is...
L gave me the bronze medal he got from beating the third best Tekken player in the world!
And then I got my next number, L's! And I thought D had left, but-
This would be sure to help my dating cause! Now I had to get to work, because I'm already late! I thought it would be a really good idea to get a job for my week away. I don't even know why they only employed me for a single week. I guess it would be a really busy week!
I couldn't believe how it felt like D and L were pulling me into different directions.
So I made another Photoshop.
(Why did it keep getting cut off in the middle like that?)
Suddenly, D came back.
Hey, Brett! Nice job on that level ... pretty much a breeze so far, huh? Enjoy it while you can! But take this, always be prepared!
And he gave me a pocket knife.
Hey! I almost forgot to give you this! Safety first!
And then he gave me pepper spray.
Just in case you're walking around late at night in one of the bad parts of Snow Bird Mountain! ... real quick! Did you hear the one about the guy with five legs?
His pants fit like a glove! No? Not so much? Ah, whatever, go ahead and take it, it might come in handy.
Then he gave me a Joke book which contained "The one about the guy with the 5 legs..."
Ha. That was D. Always just dumping items on you.
Two ways to go ... which will I choose?
(Didn't I choose already?)
And so ended my second chapter of the ski vacation of my life.