Part 5: Bonus - Why I Hate Dickbag

Why I Hate Dickbag

This update has less to do with the story proper, but I feel like I should tell it anyway.

So, at this point in the thread, Dickbag maybe an obnoxious, whiny, rich little prick, but some may think he didn't earn the name "Dickbag" yet. Well those some people would have been WRONG.

After getting my phone numbers and winning the bet, I had to meet the Southern Asian girl (let's call her Thailand) outside in ten minutes. We were dangerously close to the ten-minute mark when D and L made me get them food.

Thankfully, they wolfed it down. Unfortunately, I'd left my money in the club, so I had to wash dishes really quick (hence my earlier Photoshop), but I managed to complete all this in a mere nine minutes. It's then that the DJ stopped the music and announced, "Hey everybody! We're gonna play Dickbag Sez!"

Dickbag Sez? What the hell?

"And today's contestant is... Brett!"

OH FUCK. I had to meet Thailand outside in like 40 seconds! What the hell man? I decided to make a run for it. I grabbed D's disguise kit (he's a prop comic) and tried to get out of there, but no dice! Dickbag pulled me up to raised stage, and suddenly the monitors displayed:



Then we were on the video screens. The entire club was watching. What the hell was he planning? I decided to just smile through the entire ordeal, whatever it was. I hoped Thailand wouldn't be pissed that I'd be late. Or Herr Swabbo, whichever.

Whatever this thing was, I had to get through it as quickly as I could.



Then he brought a big crowd up to where we were. There was a microphone nearby. I could see L, pounding a beer, and D laughing at nothing in particular. And then... Oh God, B was here! With K! (K is the girl in the orange top whose number I got for a rose.)

Even worse, if I got it wrong, I bet Dickbag would have made me do it all over again.



Just ignore him and keep smiling. You have better things to think about. Like what would B think if she saw I gave K the rose?!

Crap crap crap. And then the game began.



Uh, it's B?

I mean, who the hell else? How could he possibly think I'd mistake my childhood friend and secret crush?

And then...



That's B. You showed me her before. And that's L next to her.



Even D and L seemed annoyed by the stupidity and randomness of this.

Uh, B again. And L again. And D. Dickbag, what is the point of all-"



I know it's right! I've been friends with these people for years! Why are you doing-




Good God. B, L, D, and K. Are we about done here?



I guess not.




B seemed to feel bad for me. L was pretty drunk, I guess. D seemed to think I'd actually forget who he was. K seemed to be getting more annoyed by this. And amazingly, as I started naming them, L walked to the end of the line so I had to name him again!

B, L, D, K and... L, stop that! L. This is really stupid, by the way. You stopped the music for this?! Look, people are leaving the club-



You're calling me bungwad? How are the owners even letting you get away with this?

But then the next round began.




I didn't really like the fact that L seemed really into me all of a sudden. He had to drink less, I think he had a problem. At least D seemed amused by my plight.

But then L and B wandered to the back of the line again and I had to name them again!

...K, L, and B again. Are we done? This is like retarded Simon Says. I mean, I really gotta get going-



No seriously! You guys are my friends! Why are you participating in this?





This seemed to be turning K on at least. I guess B noticed because she seemed a little odd toward me all of a sudden.

Oh for God's- B, L, D, K, L, B, K.



What?! I hope to God you were shining me on there, because-




D, are you turning gay too? What the fuck?




Jazz hands?

And on it went.

Holy crap. K must be into guys with good memories! Plus, everyone kept wandering around, so I had to guess them more than once in the same order and- ugh. If I'd just written this down, this would be a completely pointless challenge. So I guessed them in the right order. AGAIN.

This is seriously getting tedious. Can we stop-



THANK GOD.





Shit, Thailand! And she saw me without the disguise! Then I remembered had seen me before without it, so maybe she thought I was the guy who crashed and burned earlier than when I got her number. Whatever. I said their names in the right order and got my prize.



B woke up and cheered my victory! And then she gave me:



Nice! How'd she know CSI was my favorite show?

Next update: Thailand + Me + Hot Tub = Awesome!