Part 32: 32 - I Could Get Probated for This Update, Because This is a Shit Post
32 - I Could Get Probated for This Update, Because This Post is Full of Shit
[Here we are, the 'grand' finale of this game.]
[It has a pretty slow start as all we need to do is to drop down below to dump off the fifth spirit.]
[On the second floor we find a normal door that we could have accessed before.]
[Until now, however, there hadn't been any Plot Magic, so the whirlwind machine in here wasn't functional.]
[And that's that. There's a SharpClaw in the room, but I guess attacking while the enemy is prostrate and shitting an alien ghost out is considered bad form.]
The real kicker is that you don't have anything for the last Spirit either.
Don't remind me.
[I never understood it, but they only show the spirits that were previously there. The fifth spirit would be there if I was interested enough to actually look.]
[Yet more Plot Magic reveals that the final Shrine is actually right on top of the fucking palace.]
Well, let's get whatever retarded humiliation awaits over with.
You're such a pessimist.
You're one to talk.
A Life Force Door, and only one life...
That one life will be yours!
But the war is not over yet. Now you must face me!
[General Scales: Viddler]
Scales! You are no longer of any use to me!
Can't I beat the shit out of him, then?
Yeah, because you did so well the first time around.
I am your worst nightmare! I am the culmination of all the bad decisions made in this game brought together in one, massive, horribly amalgam!
Ok, your second worst nightmare!
The EarthWalkers could see me, but you could not.
This is retarded.
The sweet release of death?
No! The Spirit!
I'd sort of prefer the former.
You have no idea.
[Ok, let's just stop for a minute. The Spirit was inside Scales. When it left him he died. That means that all along Scales was essentially a Krazoa Spirit. I don't even know how I'm supposed to make sense of this. Was there some reason why we couldn't have a boss fight with him before this shit happened? Talk about cock-blocking.]
[This is only slightly less retarded. Why are the SharpClaws stealing Scales' belt and then dancing around? They suddenly don't care about world domination and are actually cool dudes? Oh fuck off.]
Maybe from both of the previous games?
Fuck it. Can I get tentacle raped for the last time so I can get the fuck off this planet?
Please tell me you aren't starting to relish it.
I...I don't know anymore.
Maybe it's just Stockholm Syndrome.
[The final drop off is opposite the very first one Fox used.]
Click here for the second retarded Krystal scene. Yes, it's still dumb. Viddler
What the hell are you doing? Just save the planet and let me leave already!
Why hasn't it ended?
God, I hope this is for the sake of the planet, otherwise it's just fucking gross.
I wish this was just a nightmare!
You know, at this point I take what I can get.
My beatstick! Let go!
There, you're up, now let go!
Ok, this? This is the point at which I give up. Seriously. I'm out of here. Fox, you're on your own.
Dude, I am so not equipped to deal with this kind of crap.
Look man, just deal with it like you should have dealt with this whole planet.
This thing is really becoming wholly inadequate.
Oh, fucking whatever.
Are you shitting me? That's your brilliant plan?! At least I understand what he meant by 'dealt with this whole planet'.
Nothing solves a problem like a few million terawatts of focused light.
I'll cover you from down here!
Yeah. Emphasis on down here, you retard.
[Final Boss - Commentary: Viddler]
[Final Boss - Music (Freedom Isn't Free/End of an Act by DVDA): Viddler]
[This fight is pretty much entirely recycled from previous Star Fox games, so I tell you what; I'll summarize the entirety of the fight in one animated gif.]
[There you have it, folks. My work here is done.]
What the fuck are you cheering for? Your leader, the one that led you out of ignominy, is dead and you're happy?
They'll be back to being the bitches of the other dinosaurs soon enough.
God, why are you back?
No, I did it, you useless twats. Now someone plot a course to somewhere very far away before any more stupid leaks off of that planet.
Let's pray we can fight a new boss in the future.
Heh, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Seriously, we need to be realistic.
Don't want to hear it.
Seriously, give us our money already.
...to hear that Andross was still alive.
Logic dictates that if, at any time, Nintendo can cop out on effort by reproducing a prior enemy or element, they will attempt to do so.
Wait, let me try and channel the idiots who came up with this and figure out the absolutely asinine logic that came up with this shit.
Ooh, it's like charades with more brain damage!
Wait, how the hell does she have that power? She's just some dumb bitch from another planet.
No, that explanation works for me; my brains are oozing out of my ears already!
Sweeter words have never been spoken.
Pff, nice hair cut, Falco, it really suits your jockstrap.
You're less annoying than Fox, at least.
Fuck you all.
Oh, Fox! I almost forgot...
Click here for the final retarded Krystal scene if you hate yourself. Viddler
Don't want to hear it.
What the hell? I was even hiding in the hallway for an awesome entrance.
What the fuck are you doing on my ship? How did you even get here?!
For Christ's sake, woman, get the fuck off my ship!
But we're supposed to-
GET OFF MY SHIP! Why don't you fly your dumb ass back to fucking deviant art where some more creepy furries can drool all over you?! I would rather get tentacle raped by another Krazoa than have to deal with you any longer!
Oh, shut the fuck up, Falco.
[Well, that's it, folks. It is well and truly over. I hope you enjoyed watching me systematically tear apart any and all rose-coloured illusions I had about this game!]
[You know what my greatest regret is though?]
[Fourteen fucking grubtubs! ]