Part 34: Miserable Failure
Chapter 32: Miserable Failure
Oh boy, we're starting today with some anime technobabble.
There's always a catch, isn't there.
Knox, in a surprising moment of not-brooding, takes the words right out of my mouth. Let's get this shit over with.
If the translation wasn't so hamfisted, or perhaps if you couldn't just tell Nemo and OPTIMUS to fuck off out of your party, this might actually be some foreshadowing.
So we warp to L'Aqua, which is a real place on the world map but doesn't even have a shop in it, and I don't even think you can sleep there until after this sequence, so you wouldn't want to bother visiting it under any other circumstances.
So basically, the Ten Main Villains have shacked up in a tower on the other side of the energy barrier that... you know what, I don't even know how the fuck this shit is supposed to work, so long story short: a wizard made a magical wall and we have to go under it by going underwater.
"A Herush! Oy vey!"
It looks like it is going to eat me and throw me back up just so it can eat me again.
Yeah that just makes everything better doesn't it.
We better not have to walk into its mouth or something.
Uh.
So somehow, we made it while riding on the thing's back.
This is Fienal. It's like a retarded spelling of "final," which by now you should all know is just par for the fucking course with this game.
DRAMATIC FMV ACTION
"what" is right
Okay so in a nutshell, these guys blab on about how they're going to take over the universe and how they could kick the Earth Federation's ass.
CAL
NUS
I FORGOT HOW TO PRONOUNCE THINGS I'VE BEEN SAYING ALL MY LIFE DERPAYDOO
"Your father is a sailor?"
"Something like that"
"That can't be right, you know what they say about sail--"
"Billy, shut up."
So now the Three Wise Men start shooting lasers at the spaceship on the screen.
For anyone playing as Rena, this is the first time you EVER see the bridge of this ship. Not only are you confused about that, but at this point you aren't even sure why you should even give a shit.
So, dramatic FMV time. This is the part where Ronixis' ship gets blown up and everyone dies and Geese gets his reason to fight the Ten Bad Guys. Let's give it some appropriately compelling and rockin' musicoh wait i forgot this game's composer is as shitty as its story
Ho get me my pimp cane
Can you imagine how retarded this scene would be if there was voice acting? Call me a codger, but I would really prefer it if games did pantomime and text boxes for the rest of time.
Yes Geese they will stop if only you whine a little harder.
There were apparently big leaps in technology in the space of time between Star Ocean 2 and Star Ocean 3 because by then, Earth is just totin' Class 2.x cannons like it weren't no thang.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
Was there voice acting at this part in the PSP remake? Please, please tell me there was voice acting right here.
"You're only a scripted boss, after all."
OH MY GOD WE'RE FIGHTING some trash dudes
yeah this is climactic as hell
Ugh, these Defense Force bros are useless. I can't fight a goddamn five-second long battle without them ALL DYING.
Yeah Geese, channel that anger. Channel it SO HARD that you can't even damage this boss.
Now, there's a trick you can do in this fight. It doesn't change the outcome, even though you win, but here's how it works:
oh never mind
So basically, the Algol shield has a hidden counterattack: an instant-kill that no enemy--not even Universe Iselia Queen or Limiter Off Indalecio--is immune to. The idea is to slap it on Chisato (OPTIMUS), and pray that she blocks. If she does, you'll kill this guy instantly and get the EXP credit for it (though as already stated, the plot proceeds as normal). Unfortunately, to make this hard on you, the game inflates this guy's stats SO MUCH that it's almost impossible to beat his Dexterity. If you SERIOUSLY want to try this, you'll need the following party:
1) A caster who knows Deep Mist (which may actually be bugged)
2) A caster who knows Angel Feather
3) A caster who knows Protect
4) A caster who knows Curse (which also might be bugged)
Fortunately, Celine (ZeeToo) fills this pretty well, with the exception of Angel Feather, who you can use either Rena or Noel for, but even after all the buffing and debuffing, it's still a massive crapshoot.
OH YOU THINK?
WE NEED TO KEEP A TEEN RATING
just ignore the fact that numerous different characters shout "BASTARD!" in battle when they're hit. even the twelve-year-old kid
Oh, so this is YOUR fault, huh?
Wait no, that can't be right.
It's THIS ASSHOLE's fault.
Narl, I hope you fucking die.
anime anime anime
drama drama drama
FADE TO BLACK
CUT TO THE NEXT SCENE
which will be addressed in the next update.