The Let's Play Archive

The Bard's Tale

by Stabbey_the_Clown

Part 12: Chapter 2 - 02

This update took FOREVER to do. I hope it's worth it.

It took longer then the others for a couple of reasons. Not only is there 12 pages of double-spaced (or less) text, there were a whopping FOURTEEN videos to process and upload (TWICE).

Chapter 2 - 02

Haggle with Chubnik

Threaten Chubnik

Pay Chubnik in Full

The Bard sucked air across his teeth. "15, eh? I don't know, that sounds a little high. Since you seem to love the river so much, perhaps you'd care for a little swim?"
Chubnik: I see. It's obviously your first visit to Neversdale and as a first time visitor I may be able to give you a small discount. Now don't tell your friends. This is a special deal only for you. 10 silver.
: That sounds more reasonable. I'm tired of listening to my own wet boots stomp through the forest anyway.
Chubnik: Ready to board?
: Aye aye, captain.

The Bard boarded the ferry.

Chubnik: Now keep your arms and legs inside the vessel at all time. You aren't pregnant are you? No, of course you're not. ... The raging chubnik rover and the surrounding Chubnik valley contain over 1000 types of flora and fauna. Let me point out a few.

The Ferry reached the far side.

Chubnik: Be careful as you disembark and thank you for choosing Chubnik's magical waterway transportation service... We know that you have a choice in your waterway transportation services and we value your patronage.

In a clearing a few meters from the river's edge, the bard witnessed an odd scene. A young bow was facing down a Kunal Trow archer.
Ogan: Prepare to die! I am Ogan! The chosen one! Nothing will stop me from my quest to save the princess and drive the evil from this land. Have at you!

The Death of Ogan Caddell - Snarky

The Death of Ogan Caddell -Nice

The Trow casually nocked an arrow and fired it straight through the unfortunate boy's skull.

As the Bard stepped forward, the Trow noticed him.
Trow: And what have we here!? Another Chosen One, off to save the princess?

The Kunal Trow was standing casually, but the Bard was not at ease. He could sense many unfriendly eyes watching him. The Heroine gripped the Bard's arm and inclined her head towards the bushes. The Bard nodded in acknowledgement. He too could hear the sound of several Trow trying to move quietly into an ambush. There would be no talking his way out of this one...

: Brave talk for someone who picks on crazed half-wits with more bravery then common sense. I assure you that you will soon join him.

Then a half-dozen Trow leapt from the underbrush, and the battle was on. The first few fell easily, but then the Bard felt a strange tingling, and after that, every hit he landed barely seemed to scratch the Trow, while he was unable to block their own hits adequately. Stumbling back under the onslaught, the Bard glimpsed a pair of Trow war-mages at the edge of the clearing. It was a Curse of Bad Luck that they were inflicting on the Bard.

Steeling himself, the Bard pressed the attack.

: With a great deal of skill, or perhaps a tremendous amount of luck, the Bard disposed of the murderous Trow. With a bit more luck, he may even come out the other end of the forest without an arrow coming out the other end of his head.
: Always the optimist.

Our noble hero then turned to the matter of Ogan - specifically, relieving him of his worldly possessions before the body had a chance to cool.

: Daft young fool. What was he on about? Some sort of princess he was going to rescue? Ha. Chosen one? Heh, he must have been out of his mind.
: The Bard of course was overcome with sympathy for the poor deceased young man.

Reward: 15 silver
Experience: 250

: By the way, your mum says hello.

As the Bard stood up he saw the same three Peerie Trow from the Kirkwall farm run up. The Bard wanted to shout, but to his horror (and my blessed relief), he found he was unable to speak.

It's Bad Luck to be You - Ogan

Oh, it's bad luck to be you.
A chosen one of many isn't new
When you think you're full of luck
in the bullock's you'll get struck
Oh, it's bad luck to be you.

Now, Ogan came young from the farm.
And tried to save the princess from all harm.
Equipped with just a stick
And a head made out of brick.
His rabbit's foot failed as a charm.

Oh, it's bad luck to be you.
The prophecy is never coming true
In a pickle you'll be stuck
Like a chicken you'll cluck
Oh, it's bad luck to be you.

Believing that he was the one
His Ego weighed in at a ton.
His Mum's a crazy bat.
Did we mention that she was fat.
And she'll need a pine box for her son.

Oh, it's bad luck to be you.
Don't think for just a second it's not true

When your life has run amuck
You'll see that you're the schmuck.
Oh, it's bad luck to be
Really bad luck to be
Nobody could disagree.
It's a freaking guarantee.
Oh, it's bad luck to be you.
Diddly doo.

As they ran off, the Bard got his voice back (unfortunately), and shouted after them, "Hey you!! Why are you following me?!" But they had already vanished.

A short distance later, the Bard found what he was sure was Ketill Swart's hideout, mainly because Ketill Swart was standing outside it.

Ketill Swart: Come and get me, you meanderin' moron!
: Ketill! Quit cowering up there like the frightened rodent that you are! Come out and fight!
Ketill Swart: Ah, your mother's a Firlbog and your old man's a Trow!
: You don't want to make me come up there!
Ketill Swart: Save yer singin' for the sheep, you croonin' coward!
: So, just to be clear, there's no point in askin' you to come quietly?

With that, Ketill Swart snorted and went back inside. The Bard went after him.

Ketill boss fight

WHAT IF... Ketill Swart is dead? (Ketill's Hideout)

: For an unarmed man, Ketill Sward proved to be surprisingly tough to take down. Perhaps the Bard was using the wrong end of the sword.
: I'll tell you what: I'll go up there and read the story, and you can come down here and get your arse handed to you, how 'bout that?

Eventually though, Ketill could take no more.

Ketill Swart: No more! No more! Don't kill me! I was only kiddin' about your sister. I'll come with you.
: Put your hands behind your back.
Ketill Swart: Now what!? You won't be tryin' any of them... preversions, will you.
: I'm making sure you can't run away again, or if you'd prefer, I could just cut you off at the knees.
Ketill Swart: But you're the one who let me go. And now you're takin' me back? Are you bored out of your skull, or just wrong in the head?

The Bard gave Ketill a whack in the back of the head.

Ketill Swart: Ow! Stop hitting me!
: Would you prefer I start stabbing you? Now shut your mouth and come with me.
: With Ketill in tow, the Bard moved on hoping to avoid the Trow and bring his prisoner back to Houton.
But first, since Ketill Swart would have no use for them in jail, the Bard decided to relieve him of his ill-gotten possessions, as is the unspoken custom among thieves. Among the pieces of Silver, the Bard found three things of note:

The first was a small wooden Bucker shield. "Hmmm..." the Bard said, "Probably a good idea for me to keep hold of this."

The second was a small token, the Eagle Charm. As the Bard he studied the intricate patterns decorating its surface, he gained a subtle understanding of how patters could apply to music as well.

The third was what appeared to be a magical tune. "Crone" was scribbled at the top of the sheet in crude letters.

As the Bard and Ketill emerged into the daylight once again, he heard the sudden sounding of an odd horn in the distance. Both the Bard's Heroine companion, and Ketill Swart recognized it immediately.

Ketill Swart: What are you doing? The Kunal Trow are looking everywhere. They'll kill you as soon as look at you. Untie me, and we might make a match, the pair of us.

The Bard hissed to Ketill, "That's not gonna happen, and if you don't want the Trow to find us, then you may want to STOP SHOUTIN'!"

Hoping his new bond-servant could be of use, the Bard unsummoned the Thunder Spider, and played the Crone's tune instead.

"And what can you do?" the Bard asked.

"Why don't I just show ya instead?" the Crone replied, "You look a little injured, dearie. Let me see what I can do about that."

The Crone raised her hands and cast a spell. A swirling blue light shimmered around the Bard and his wounds immediately felt much better.

"Thanks, old woman," the Bard said, "I think this could be the start of a beau-... er... the start of a... good... association. I still feel a bit hurt though."

"Don't be impatient laddie, I can only heal a portion of yer health at once, and it takes a bit o' time to get my energy up enough to do it again. So ye'd best not runnin' be into the middle of an army as if yer' wearin' dragonhide armor," the Crone snipped.

"Believe you an' me, if I see any armies, I'll most surely be runnin' the other way," the Bard said.

The Crone is an invaluable member of the Bard's group. It's best to keep her around at all times, and resummon her immediately if she dies. She heals the party in the following order: The Bard, The Bard's Summons, Herself, your dog. If the Bard is at 99% health and your Heroine is at 10%, she'll heal you before the Heroine. I think she heals fighting summons above support summons too, although I'm not sure.

The Bard and company headed back to the dock where he arrived in Neversdale, but when he arrived, he saw only a crudely made sign reading "Back in fyve minnutes."

Across the river, Chubnik's boat was docked, but there was no sign of the captain himself. The Bard was wondering whether or not to risk shouting for Chubnik, when the Kunal Trow made the decision for him. The Bard spotted a sizeable group of them emerge from the bushes on the far side of the river at the dock.

The Bard and Ketill beat a hasty retreat before they were spotted.

"We could fight," suggested the Heroine, "If they take the boat across, we could pick em' off while they're crowded in the boat."

"Did you see how many there were?" the Bard exclaimed, "An' it looks like half of them have bows, too. Even with the Crone here helpin' I doubt even you could take out more'n half of them."

The Bard turned to his prisoner, "This is your hideout, Ketill, where's the back way out of here - and don't tell me you don't have one 'cause I know you do."

Ketill grumbled for a minute, but finally did speak up, "Aye, there is a back way, but we can't use it."

"And why not, exactly?" The Bard asked, idly fingering his sword.

"This section of Neversdale is on a kind of plateau, there's nothing but high cliffs to the east and west, to the north is a steep cliff down to a gorge. If you want we could try it -" Ketill started, but the Bard cut him off.

"No! I mean - no, you're right , we can't go that way," the Bard said, utterly failing to disguise his fear of heights, "I'm not gonna untie you, you can't climb with your hands bound, and I'm not carrying you down. So I'll ask you one more time: Is there any other way out his TRAP that you call a hideout?"

"Well, there's always the ferry," Ketill started.

"Hello? Anyone home? We were just there," the Bard snapped impatiently.

"I know that you idiot," Ketill said, "you interrupted me. There's another ferry farther upstream, it's not too far. We'll just have to hope the Trow don't know about it."

With little other choice, the Bard and Ketill headed back, There were two paths out of the clearing where Ketill's hideout was yet to be taken.

"So, uh, which one goes to the second ferry?" the Bard asked.

"Um... that one, I think," Ketill said hesitatingly.

As the Bard and Ketill approached the sound of the river, they burst into a clearing. They could clearly see a boat on the water's edge. But it was not the ferry. It was a boat filled with an angry mob of Kunal Trow, including some spear-wielding boar riders.

"Bugger," The Bard swore.

The fight was long and perilous, but thanks to he healing powers of the Crone, the Bard prevailed.

"Now, to get their boat an-" the Bard trailed off. In all the confusion and fighting, none of the Trow had tied up their boat, and it had already drifted far town the river. As the Bard watched, the swift current smashed it to kindling on jagged rocks.

"Double Bugger," the Bard swore again, and kicked a stump heavily. The lid of the fake stump popped open. Inside was a pair of badger-hide gloves. The Bard sensed a magical aura around them, and when he put them on, he felt slightly stronger.

"Nice directions. This ain't no dock, Ketill," the Bard grumbled.
"Hey listen, I was in that jail a long time, people forget stuff, you know," Ketill explained.
"I thought you were only in jail for a day," the Bard said suspiciously.
"Yes, well... my memory isn't what it used to be," Ketill said sheepishly.

Retracing their steps, the Bard and company headed down the other remaining path. But the Trow were waiting for them.

The Bard fought his way through, and sure enough, there was another ferry at a dock. It wasn't Chubnik manning the vessel, though. The Bard peered across the river, and seeing no Trow waiting on the far bank, he proceeded with caution to the Peerie Trow.

Piskey - Haggle with Chubnik

Piskey - Threaten Chubnik

Piskey - Pay Chubnik in Full

Piskey: Belcome to Piskey's baggical matermay transpor... transpor... transport thingie... to the future! *groooannn*
: Excuse me?
Piskey: I don't smell anything... *hic* Wait! You're the Barf! Right, my brother told me about you. What did he say? Oh yeah, he said the Barf... Hey Ketill, what are you doing here! You know Fnarf is looking for you. Fnarf rhymes with Barf! *giggles drunkenly* I can make up a song about you two.

A Trow horn sounded again, this time it sounded like it came from somewhere behind them.

: Listen, I uh, don't have time for your ramblings. Perhaps you could take me across the river.
Piskey: Taking the Bard across the river! That was it! Now what was the special Barf deal?

Distant shouting could now be heard approaching.

: Seeing as I'm in a bit of a hurry and you're not in much condition to sail. Why don't I just take that ferry across on my own?
Piskey: Oh can't do that. Too danger dangerous the Piskey river is, for the novice. How much did my brother pay or charge you?
: 10 Silver, I think.
Piskey: Give him a bit of a ribbing, did you?
: Maybe.
Piskey: Oh, good. He's too upright anyway. I'll take you over for the same price. Ready to shoot on across the Piskey river?

[it]With unusual speed, the Bard handed over the coins.[/I]

Piskey: Keep your arms in your legs. Let's get this road on the ship.

Piskey: You know as the captain of this ship I can legally marry you two, if you want.

Piskey: Now be fareful as you get out because the dock is made out of hickory wood and it can get slick if its wet. Which makes it a very slippery hickory dock.

Piskey then sailed the ferry back across the river.

The Bard and Ketill headed quietly towards the edge of the forest. The Heroine frowned, "I don't like it, it's too quiet."

She was right of course, for the party ran right into a large group of Kunal Trow waiting for them. Their leader was easily identifiable with a headpiece and armor made of spiky tangles of roots.

Boss: Fnarf (Ketill unbound)

Ketill's Fit to be tied

WHAT IF... Ketill Swart is dead? (Fnarf)

Fnarf: Well now. What have we here? I don't know you. But Ketill my clandestine companion, when was the last time we saw each other?
Ketill: Well now, let's see. I was on my way to Houton and...
Fnarf: Oh wait... I remember... yes... it was... when you pilfered my prized possession, my exquisite Eagle Charm.
Ketill: Twasn't me, Fnarf! It was this beggar right here who stole it! I was bringin' him back to you when he knocked me over the head, took it from me person and tied me up.
: Hold on a minute! I never saw this thing before in my life: I found it in Ketill's house when I came to take him back to Houton.
Fnarf: Ahhh... The perplexing problem is, if I were to let you go, my feral friends here would consider me a coward. You see they might even get into their noggins the notion that they could takeover this bloodthirsty band. So we're going to bash your brains and purloin your property. Nothin' personal, you understand.

: If there's one thing I hate, it's Kunal Trow with delusions of grandeur.
Ketill: Quick, cut me loose, so I can fight!

: Like hell! You'll bugger off as soon as I do!
Ketill: Are you daft, man!? Let me loose or they'll kill us both!

: All right Ketill. I'm trusting you!

Together, with support from the Heroine and Crone, the Bard and Ketill Sward fought side by side, and decimated the Kunal Trow, until only Fnarf himself was left.

"Give my regards to the Sheriff, you simpleton! Ha, ha, ha!" Ketill taunted as he ran off into the forest.
: Ketill of course took the opportunity to run away.
: Thank you, I can see that.

Fnarf, seeing that he was all alone, decided that perhaps a bit of cowardice was called for after all.

Fnarf: I've got to go see a guy about a gelding. So I'll suffer you to survive for now! When we assemble again you won't find yourself as fortunate.

Fnarf ran off into the forest.

: Despite the Bard's warm and shining personality, people continued to run from him like the plague. Perhaps he would one day learn that in order to keep friends near, a man such as himself needed to keep them tied up.

: If only I could find a sock big enough to put in that mouth of yours.
: Though Fnarf had escaped, the Bard had the unmistakeable feeling that they would meet again.
: Of course, that's how these things always work. If they just stayed around the first time and took their beating like a man for the first time, they'd save me a lot of trouble.
: If only the Bard would take his own advice.

Experience: 350

As the Bard despairingly picked through the possessions of the slain Trow for anything of value, his dog had other things in mind. After whining for a while, the Bard finally paid attention. "All right Bitey, what is it?" Bitey barked eagerly, then headed off through the forest, nose to the ground. "Yer dog is trackin' something, Bard," commented the Heroine. "Yeah, I get it," said the Bard.

The Bard followed, and sure enough... there was Ketill Swart, hiding in a side clearing. He hadn't dared to cross the river with the Trow war-party on the far side.

Experience: 300

Re-capturing Ketill

"You can run, Ketill, but you can't hide," the Bard said triumphantly.
Ketill: You'd never have found me if it weren't for that... mangy dog!
: Mangy? Well, there's the pot calling the kettle black, or Ketill calling the pot black. Or... forget it. Just start walking.
Ketill: Just you wait! My brother Shaw'll hear about this. Then you're going to get it! You'll see! He doesn't like people picking on his kid brother. No sir...
: Shut your gob... and stand downwind. You're making my dog sick.

The Bard triumphantly returned to Houton with Ketill Swart.

Ketill returned to Houton

Sheriff Rucky: So you swine! Happy to see me? Just you try runnin' again and it's fodder for the finfolk you'll be.
: Now, about my reward...
Sheriff Rucky: Reward? You're lucky I don't throw you in jail.
: So no reward then?
Sheriff Rucky: Out with you!

All Videos:

Haggle with Chubnik

Threaten Chubnik

Pay Chubnik in Full

The Death of Ogan Caddell - Snarky

The Death of Ogan Caddell -Nice

It's Bad Luck to be You - Ogan

Ketill Boss Fight

WHAT IF... Ketill Swart is dead? (Ketill's Hideout)

Piskey - Haggle with Chubnik

Piskey - Threaten Chubnik

Piskey - Pay Chubnik in Full

Boss: Fnarf (Ketill unbound)

Ketill's Fit to be tied

WHAT IF... Ketill Swart is dead? (Fnarf)

Re-capturing Ketill

Ketill returned to Houton