The Let's Play Archive

The Bard's Tale

by Stabbey_the_Clown

Part 16: Chapter 3-03

This chapter is really heavy in explositon, and lengthy in cut-scenes. You may want to just watch the videos and skim the post, because it's sort-of redundant.

Chapter 3-03

Bodb - Snarky

Bodb - Nice

You chose to be snarky to Bodb. You have chosen... correctly.

: I ask the questions around here. I've been sent to you from Houton by one of your brothers. Do you have some music for me?
Bodb1 (2 peg-legs): *chuckles* Well, someone got up on the wrong side of the haystack this morning. How do I know you to be a trustworthy soul.

The Bard was in no mood for games. He put away his heavy claymore, and pulled out his Caldabog instead.

: How about this? Count to three, and if you're not dead, you can trust me.
Bodb1: A man of conviction, I can respect that. Listen my friend, my name is Bodb, but it is another Bodb you seek. I'll be glad to take you to him.
: As if you had a choice.
: The Bard and Bodb traveled together in search of another Bodb.

Bodb1: Hello there Bodb.
Bodb2 (2 hook-hands): Oh good day Bodb. How's Agnus?
Bodb1: Good, good. And your Agnus?
Bodb2: Oh, she's great. And the twins?
: Can we get on with this please?
Bodb2: And who is this?

: I'm the man who would gladly make one less Bodb around here if you don't tell me what I need to know.
Bodb2: Now my good man, no need for violence. You'll find that you cannot know enough Bodbs. I assure you we're here to help.
: You can help a little more by yapping a little less. Just teach me this magic and I'll be on my merry way, and your nose will remain in the middle of your face.
Bodb2: I must confess I like my nose where it is. That being said, had I known you wanted Magic Bodb, we could have saved a lot of time.

: You mean there's ANOTHER Bodb?
Bodb2: *laughs* Of course. If only you could have been more specific. Come along, I'll take you to him.
: For your sake, the third time had better be the charm.

: I'm almost afraid to ask this, but is your name Bodb?
Bodb3 (1 peg-leg, 1 hook-hand): That's the name I go by. And what do you call yourself?
: Your worst nightmare if you don't give me what I want.

Bodb3: I can see that if you were in my dreams I'd wake up in a cold sweat. Whatever I can do to keep you out of them, just ask.
: Unless you wish to be in a dream state permanently, you will give me the magical tune I came here for.

Bodb3: If you put me in a permanent dream state, then how could I take you to the Bodb who can actually help you? The magic I do is basic. Illusions, card tricks, palm readings. I'll take you to the Bodb who knows the magical tunes. Come along my friend.

Bodb4 (0 arms): Well why wasn't I invited to the party?
: Believe me, this is no party. I've no more patience with any of you.

Bodb4: Well that's a shame, without the four of us, I'm afraid you can't be helped.
: Like I always say, the more the merrier. What's one more Bodb gonna hurt. Come along.

: The Bard and the four Bodb's ventured forth. How quickly the rude are attracted to the rude.

Here are two videos that follow-up on being Nice to Bodb.

Bodb - Nice, then Snarky

Bodb - Whining Works

I'll post a bonus video of other Bodb moments at a later date.

The Four Bodbs gathered in a line outside the locked storeroom the Bard failed to open earlier, and then they started to sing.

Bodb Sings

It was a simple tune, and the Bard memorized it easily. The door to the storeroom swung open as they finished.

Bodb1: Once you're inside, work yourself through the maze until you find four barrels. Behind those barrels is a passage that will lead you atop the bluff. There you'll meet a very good friend of ours who'll show the way.
: Why to I have the feeling that this little run-around is far from over.
Bodb1: Believe us my friend, there is a method to our madness.

: I'm sure there is, but no reason to take me down with you.

The Bard, feeling he'd need to use the new tune, unsummoned his Crone, and entered the newly opened store room. It was just as dark as the others, so the Bard played his new song.

The creature that appeared indeed illuminated the darkness, which increased quickly, but not at a blinding rate.

But instead of going through the maze, the Bard peered through cracks in the door until he was sure the Bodbs had gone.

After all, he didn't want anyone to see him robbing the storerooms.

: The Bodyguard was sworn to defend his charges from any and all manner of ranged attack. Perhaps someone should have gotten him a larger shield.

After he was satisfied that there was nothing else worth having, the Bard returned to the store room that Bodb's had unlocked with their song.

: After stumbling around in the dark, and with the help of his newfound companion, our hero found the secret passage to the top of the bluff.

Waiting for him, was a new man, clad similarly to the Bodbs.

Meet Homely

Bobd5 (all limbs): I've been expecting you. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is...
: I must say your future will become very bleak if you say Bodb right now.
Bodb5: As you wish. Far be it for me to shorten my own future.
: Just tell me, are you the one I seek? And I emphasize the word, THE.
Bodb5: I am he who you seek. For safety's sake, you may call me... well... whatever you'd like, actually.

: Then I'll call you homely, for that's an apt description.
Homely (Bodb5): As you wish. I'll even dance if it keeps that sword out of my belly.
: I've seen enough song and dance for one day. So, Homely, why have I been summoned to this armpit of a town?
Homely: You've not been summoned my friend, you have been chosen. Quite an honor I might add, for only the strongest and most courageous in all the land would have been chosen by the beautiful Princess Caleigh.

The Bard's patience was already at a record low.

Homely - Snarky

Homely - Nice

: If you tell me that I've been chosen again, I'll run you through. Now, without using the "C" word, explain what the hell you're on about.
Homely: Errmm... er, uh...Yes, well... uh, uh, as I was saying, you were... asked to come here by the fair Princess Caleigh, the good lord bless her.

: *sigh* Why does this always happen to me? Oh, go ahead and spit it out, for God's sake.
Homely: Our fair princess is being held captive atop an ancient tower. Dark forces keep her locked away in a mystical prison. Only she...

: Yeah, yeah, only she can defeat the evil. Please, oh please, could you risk your neck to save her? Blah, blah, blah... etcetera, etcetera. I've heard it all before. Is that all you've got?
Homely: I... that is... well, you pretty much covered it.
: Yeah, I think you've wasted enough of both our time. Why don't you go and recruit some idealistic young orphan to do it? They're pretty gullible.
Homely: Wait! Did I mention that she's as rich as she is beautiful?
: Rich? How rich are we talking?
Homely: The Barest portion of her wealth could buy Dounby a hundred times over.
: Not bad. And, uh, you said she's beautiful as well?
Homely: The fairest in all the land.

: Prove it.
Homely: Err... Ummm... prove it?
: Yeah, prove it. If she's rich, then hand over some coin on her behalf. And if she's so bloody beautiful, then show her to me. If you can do neither of these things, then I'll be on my way.
Homely: Wait! I can show you the princess... give you a chance to see her. As for the payment... is this sufficient?
Reward: 150

: That should do... for now. I warn you though, if you're playing me false, I'll take it out of your hide.
Homely: No need for that... follow me. The Princess will convince you. I'm sure of it.

: With visions of coin, cleavage, and carnage jiggling in his head, the Bard and his newfound friend head off to be in the presence of the mysterious Princess Caleigh.

The Bard and Homely traveled beside a low stone structure, and then turned around to the front where Homely stopped.

Homely: Here we are my friend.

: I see no tower here. I thought you were taking me to see this princess.
Homely: Aye, and you shall speak with her, just uh... not in the flesh.
: But I do see flesh eventually, right?
Homely: In due time, my impatient friend. In due time.

The Bard followed Homely inside the Temple of Caleigh. The four other Bodbs were already waiting.

Temple of Caleigh

Homely: You remember my brothers?
: Yes, but I'm so bad with names.
All Bodbs: Bodb!
: Now I remember. Can we get on with this? If I don't see this princess soon, believe me, Bodbs will roll.
Homely: As you wish. As I mentioned to you before, Princess Caleigh is in an impenetrable tower.
: I don't remember you mentioning the word 'impenetrable.'
Homely: I didn't? Well, that's because it's only impenetrable, uh, to the likes of us. A strapping fellow such as yourself should have no problem.

: Nice try. Go on.
Homely: The only way we can communicate with our beloved princess is by summoning an image of her, we have this ritual that...
: Enough words, let's see some action, some action.
Homely: Very well. Are we ready my friends?

The Bodbs once again started singing.

: If this were a stage, I'd boo you off.

The center of the room started to shimmer with blue particles, and a familiar figure started to flicker in and out.

Homely: Now Bodb... The Bell!

The Third Bodb, who had his hand awkwardly held behind his back did nothing.

Homely: Now Bodb! Or we'll lose her!

The Third Bodb still did nothing, although he had a guilty look on his face.

Homely: RING IT! NOW!
Bodb3: Ding?

It didn't work. The figure faded, and the blue particles vanished.

: Was that her? Heh, she looked familiar?
Homely: Where's the bell?
: Was that Princess Calico?
Homely: Caleigh. Bodb, the bell?
Bodb3: I don't exactly have it.
: She's the one who appears when I use this pendant.
Homely: Who does exactly have it?
Bodb3: Farmer Finn.
: So she's the Princess... And she's rich you say?

Homely: Ugh... Gambling again?
Bodb3: I'm sorry. I'm weak when it comes to temptation.
: Join the club. Who needs the stinking bell. Can't I just go and rescue her? I could leave right now. Do you have a fast horse?

Homely: I'm afraid a rescue is impossible without information which only the princess can provide.
: Well I can summon her right now, she comes when I use this pendant.
Homely: Aye, let me see that... hmmmm, it is as I thought. Where did you get this?
: From the guy that sent me to you.
Homely: This pendant contains a portion of her magical essence, a little bit of her spirit if you will. It'll invoke her power, but does not allow for communication.
: Alright, so point me in the direction of this Farmer. If I can't buy it back, I can find a way to con it out of him.
Homely: I obviously can't trust Bodb to go get it. But you must hurry, time is an issue. Get that bell, and bring it back here as soon as you can.
: Then I can go get the princess, right? No more run around.
Homely: Aye, and she'll repay you many times over.
: And in many ways I hope. I'll be back before you know it.
: Our smitten Bard was on his way to see the farmer, with luck at his side and images in his head of the princess doing things I dare not mention.

Experience: 275

The Bard had barely left the temple, when a thought struck him. He went back inside.

Homely: Have you retrieved the bell, my friend?

: I was hoping you were just joking about the bell. You Bodbs seem to get a kick out of playing me the fool.
Homely: That is very true, but I'm afraid we do need that bell. Come back when you have it.

The Bard followed the hill down and saw the gate at the bottom led right into Farmer Finn's farm. Our hero went in search of Old Man Finn. But Finn found him first, and judging by the crossbow he carried, he wasn't in a friendly mood.

Meet Old Man Finn

Old Man Finn: Get off my land you filthy vagrant! You're not welcome here!
: Don't burst a blood vessel old man. I was sent here to reclaim an important artifact.
Old Man Finn: There are no artifacts on this land you idiot, mostly just chickens. Did Connor send you? If so, you can tell that I'll get him his money and the wedding is still off. My daughter doesn't want anything to do with him. You go back and tell him that!

: I don't know any Connor. ... And you're a bitter old coot, aren't you?
Old Man Finn: You have until I count to ten. 1, 2, 3, 4, ... uh, 5, ... 6... 7... 8... Oh Damn, where was I?
: Three.
Old Man Finn: Right. 3. 3... 4... uh, 5... 6... 7... 8...

Vote: Should we be snarky or nice to the farmer?

All Movies:

Bodb - Snarky

Bodb - Nice

Bodb - Nice, Snarky

Bodb - Whining Works

Bodb Sings

Meet Homely

Homely - Snarky

Homely - Nice

Temple of Caleigh

Meet Old Man Finn