Part 9: Update VII - Ended Up Spending Almost Four Hours Singing Show Tunes.Update VII - Ended Up Spending Almost Four Hours Singing Show Tunes.
Alright, so last time, we invaded a hentai game just to stop fucking from happening, and now it's time to leave.
I do not see any reason why not. We have done a good thing here, my friends. We have begun to sow the seeds of dissent. Whether those seeds will blossom into the flower of revolution, or be ground to dust by the millstone of oppression will be up to the people of this world.
Just get on with the ontology.
Remember, my friends, "dasein".
This is quite troublesome.
Oh, you think so? You think it is "troublesome" that we might be trapped in a hentai adaptation of "A League of Their Own" for the rest of our lives?
I do not believe that I ever used the word "trapped"...nor the word "hentai". Once again, Moose, I believe you show that you know this genre too well.
Just try the magic again!
Something is quite wrong.
♪ BGM: Dugan ♫
This isn't your world. You don't belong here.
What the fuck do you want?
Did you really think it would be so easy? That you could just waltz into someone else's world, disrupt everything, and just walk away?
I am a philosopher. It is my job to disrupt people's world then walk away.
Philosopher? Heh. That's one way to put it. You said that you made my choices for me, what did you mean by that?
Like this but blue, and we'd choose what you would say or do. We were doing this so that you would hook up with one of the hot anime chicks. But totally not the pink haired girl, because I am not a sex offender.
That voice I heard in my head... The little whisper, nudging me towards one word and the next... That was you.
It was mostly Zizek and Moose. I think this whole thing is kinda weird, and I don't want anyone thinking that I'm "into" it.
Bobson! You're the one who insisted that we keep playing!
That was ghost Pedro Martinez, not me.
Shut up! All of you! You did this to me! You brought me to this moment. You didn't interfere when I lost my playing career. You didn't interfere when I took my first drink. You never went and fixed all the problems that led to this point, but just as soon as something started to go right --something you claim you gave me-- you swept in and took it away. Why? Why would you do that?
The system was flawed. The rules were wrong. We could not abide them. You have to realize, Mr. Dugan, that there is nothing inherently sinful about being privileged by the invisible structures of society. Nevertheless, when you are confronted with the truth of your privilege, you must--
Shut up! This was none of your business! This is not your world! But... If it is so important to you, perhaps the only fitting thing to do... Would be to keep you here.
What are you talking about?
I would remark that this is impossible, but that is a stupid word.
This is my world. You may have been able to make the choices for me from your own universe, but here I am the main character. I can nullify your magic, and keep you in this realm until the day you die.
Oh shit! Some day, I'm going to die! Fuck!
More importantly, if Dugan has his way, you're going to die here.
I'm still not sure where here is!
Well, I have a World Series to prepare for. I will leave it up to you to figure out where you go from here. I hope you like drinking and watching girls play baseball, because those are the only things to do around here.
No, I will not be trapped here. I will have to start my philosophical work all over again.
THAT is your biggest concern?
Drinks...girls...baseball... This might be paradise.
We still have a World Series to win in the real world!
Oh shit! We gotta get out of here! Zizek, what do we do?
Let me think... I need to regroup myself. We should find someplace to stay the night. Do not worry, my friends, remember that time passes much slower in this world.
Okay, but you better come up with something.
♪ BGM: Silence ♫
It was bizarrely empty. Not just of people, but of objects, decorations, even rooms... Zizek tried to explain it, noting that the game was only coded to a certain number of locations, and as such we were limited as to where we could go and what we could see. The idea was terrifying to me. Suddenly a world of nothing but drinking, girls, and baseball didn't sound so appealing. If we were stuck here, we were stuck in the stadium. No, worse, we were struck in the parts of the stadium relevant to the game.
♪ BGM: Moose ♫
No, it makes perfect sense. There has to be a bedroom.
And why is that, Moose?
For a sex scene, obviously. You haven't been paying any attention, have you?
I'm pretty sure they were just going to hook up in Dugan's office, the way things were going before we interfered.
Well, yeah... But typically there are multiple sex scenes. The first one is more sudden; it is the climax of the story. The other is slower, and more rewarding. It occurs after all the other conflict has resolved. It is the denouement.
You REALLY know a lot about this stuff, don't you?
I know a lot about a lot of stuff.
The boy is right. You seem to have a surprising expertise with all things related to Japanese eroge.
I don't want to talk about it.
Moose, we're stuck here. Anything you could tell us that would help us get home would be useful.
I spend a decent amount of time on the internet. That's all. I pick these things up.
Have you picked anything up that would help us out of this mess?
No. We're in a pretty obscure mess, after all.
I suppose there are not too many people who have been trapped in these sorts of games by magic.
Yes, Bobson, you suppose right.
Dugan is the problem. If we can get rid of him, we can go home. Right?
Your theory is sound, Bobson. He clearly is capable of some sort of magic which is counteracting my Ontology.
So, what do we do?
We make him stop! I have a game 7 to close out!
If I remember right, the Championship series starts tomorrow. That means Dugan will have to return to the field to manage.
We can confront him then.
We have time, right? Waiting until tomorrow won't--
You won't be late for your game, Moose. Spending a whole day in unreality will only take up a mere hour in reality.
Well this still sucks and we shouldn't have done it.
Let us just try and get some rest.
Does this mean that I will be well-rested in the real world? Because if I can get a full night's sleep in a mere hour with this Ontology of yours, I might just have to go back to community college to learn philosophy.
One does not merely LEARN Ontology.
Let's just head out to the field, find Dugan, and get all of this over with.
Agreed. We have spent far too many minutes of our lives worrying about a world that does not, technically, exist.
♪ BGM: The Virtual Game ♫
Let's have a look around.
What's with the weird invisible barriers? Why can't we go further out into the field?
Remember what I said, young Bobson. The only parts of this world that exist are those that are rendered within the game. Currently, we are on the "screen" that represents the home dugout. We cannot move beyond what exists in this virtual construct.
Alright, let's go and talk to people.
Nope! I bet he'll get here soon! He's totally reliable! How about you hang out with me until he shows up? I know how to please--
H-how do you know my name?
You wouldn't believe it if I told you.
It's a pretty fucked up story.
But I really want to thank you. You can't understand, but you helped me a lot.
But we've never met...
I know, but thanks to you I have the secondary pitch I need. I learned your change-up.
That's right! I couldn't have done it without you, though I admit at the time I didn't really think of you as a person.
I... I have no response to that.
You did a good thing for me, Mitsuki, and that's why we're here. We're going to help you out.
Help me out?
Dugan... He's not the man you think he is. We need to defeat him. Do you know where we can find him?
No... I expected him to be here.
That's okay. We'll keep looking.
My name is Bobson, and who I am is a very difficult thing to explain.
What are you doing in the dugout? Are you scouts? Reporters?
Nothing like that. Where's Dugan?
Haven't seen him. Not since yesterday.
He's probably off drinking somewhere. That's what he does.
Uh... Sure, you could say that.
Huh, I didn't know we had any negro fans.
Settle down, Bobson. This is 1943, so--
No it's not! This game was made in the 90s!
Maybe they were going for historical realism?
I highly doubt that!
It is just a word, Bobson.
So I shouldn't take it seriously?
No, you should take it more seriously than the deepest wound.
Um, excuse me... I thought we were having a conversation.
Yeah, we were until--
Miss Haruka, have you seen Jimmy Dugan around?
No, sorry... Haven't seen him. Weird, he's usually here before all of us.
That's uh... That's because we're from another universe.
It would be best if our status in this world remain a secret, though I suppose that is already out of the proverbial window.
I was just trying to be friendly...
What do you mean by "another universe"?
Nothing. My friend was just mouthing off.
No, no he wasn't. You're hiding something.
If you're from somewhere other than this stadium, I want to know about it. As far as I can tell, I can't leave the field, even though I know there's a world beyond the outfield walls.
So you ARE from somewhere else?
Nice job, Bobson.
What was I supposed to do, lie to her?
So, why are you here?
We need to find your manager, Jimmy Dugan.
We can't go back home unless we find him.
Well, good luck. To be honest, he always gave me the creeps.
♪ BGM: Dugan ♫
How did he do that?
W-what's going on?
Somehow, our presence here has allowed Dugan to use magic.
I don't know. Zizek?
I theorize that Applied Ontology may have some side effects that I was unable to predict.
We didn't have much choice!
What a shame... I hope you guys stick around for the championship game. You cost me the girl, but I will recover. I will win this game and prove myself. And then... Then I will have my revenge.
Oh, really? What are you going to do?
You really don't get it, do you? Ever since you made me realize that I am just a character in a game, I've been thinking... The only parts of this world that exist are the parts that were coded. And the game, as you call it, ends after the championship...doesn't it?
Wait... If the only places that exist are the game locations, to the point where we can't even walk out onto certain parts of the field... What does happen when the game is over?
When my story is over, the game ends. Everything inside the game ends... Even you.
Zizek, please tell me this isn't true? We won't cease to exist when the game ends, will we?
That is certainly a possibility.
Oh god this just keeps getting worse. This is like that time I accidentally went to that gay bar, and the guy hit on me, and suddenly I couldn't just leave. I didn't want him to think I was homophobic or anything, it was all just a weird honest mistake. Ended up spending almost four hours singing show tunes, and now I know the words to every song in Yentl and--
This is going to end up worse than the week you couldn't stop humming "Papa Can You Hear Me", Bobson. We're going to die, and being trapped inside a video game when it ends sounds like a pretty bad way to go.
At least it should be painless, right?
I am not so sure. We are in uncharted territory. Perhaps to die this way is entirely peaceful, but perhaps it is also an agony never known to men before. So it is really a crap shoot.
We won't let you do this, Dugan! This isn't right!
Oh, stop the whining, Mr. Bobson. There is no crying in baseball.
Ever since we started up this game, I have been waiting for that line.
Yeah, it really was kind of strange that we didn't hear it before now.
What are all of you talking about?
Heh, looks like he doesn't understand everything about this world.
Do not be too hard on him; he has long been the hero of his own story, he is only now adjusting to being the villain. He has not yet learned that the words hero and villain are merely concepts that we apply onto actions.
I don't care, I don't want to die here.
Neither do I, Bobson. We'll have to figure something out.
We are not too far from the championship game...
Let's go check out the locker room...
What are we even going to do if we find him? Doesn't he have some kind of magic powers in this world?
I have the feeling that you are asking me this question.
You are the one who put us in this predicament.
This is a completely unexpected result of Applied Ontology.
There are *expected* results?
I would say that it is a science, but the term "science" is deceptive in that it pre-supposes the existence of truth.
Would you *please* just make sense for once?
Kami! What are you doing here?
You're looking for Dugan, aren't you?
Like I said, we need to find him so we can go home.
Yeah, and we have to figure out what to do about his magic.
I think I might have an answer for that. I think the reason that he can use magic is because he's the-hm-I guess you would call him the main character of this game. If this "Applied Ontology" I heard you talking about is capable of changing reality, maybe it has created a reality centered around him. A reality he can manipulate.
That sounds correct. Perhaps I have made a gross miscalculation. I believed that changing the rules of this world was a good thing. But I failed to consider that the act of changing the rules might create new, unintended rules.
It's like when baseball banned the spitball. The pitch was outlawed, in part, out of fear for the safety of the players. A dirty, scuffed up ball was harder to see and avoid if thrown at the head. But banning the spitball ended up removing the easiest kind of breaking ball for a pitcher to throw. Pitchers ended up throwing more curves and, later, sliders and split-finger deliveries that were harder on their arms. A rule enacted for the safety of the players may have led to considerably more arm injuries.
Yeah, it's exactly like that!
Were you listening to a word I said?
Nah, I was thinking about whether a tiger or a bear would win in a fight.
That's just dumb. A tiger, obviously.
Nah, I think it would be the bear.
How does any of this help us?
Well, if somewhere along the line we end up needing to choose between going into a room with a tiger in it or a bear in it--
That is not what I meant! We know that Dugan can use magic, and it is likely because I made his world reality with Applied Ongology. But how do we stop him?
Dugan is a drunk.
Yeah, we know. We played the game.
We also saw the movie, and I am pretty sure Tom Hanks never used magic. I mean, I did sleep through the middle but that would have been a hell of a left fucking turn.
It was part of the story that Dugan would sober up. One of the girls poured out all of his liquor yesterday, and he was going to get all mad about it... But he would get over it and break his addiction because of the power of love or some shit.
Wait- What did you just say?
I think she said "shit".
You're damn right I did. I've spent my whole life acting like this game says I should act, and I never understood why. Now I know, and I'm not going to put up with any more of it. To start, I put a bottle of whiskey on his desk.
You did WHAT?
I kicked him off the wagon. After he confronted you, he came in here and found it. God knows where he is right now... ...but give him a bit of time while he gets wasted before the championship game. I bet his magic won't be so strong.
Holy shit! Thanks, Kami!
I didn't do it for you. I did it because I wanted to see him fail. He's spent this whole game ruling over us, controlling us, using us... I wanted him to know he'll never be the strongest thing in the world. The liquor will always be able to reduce him to a red-faced, sweating, mumbling incoherent mess. I wanted to see it break him.
Remind me never to piss you off.
That's probably a good idea.
So, where would he go to drink?
There aren't many options...
He is probably in the bedroom. It is likely that he was drawn there, as that is where he would be right now if the story had progressed as intended. His second love scene with his romantic interest would take place right before the climactic game, perhaps even intercut so their climaxes would--
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
What are we waiting for? Let's get going!
Hey, guess what? This update is over now because I really fucked up gauging the length of what I'm working on and broke the fucking character limit again. So next time, we'll confront Dugan! When is next time? Immediately!