The Let's Play Archive

The Closer: Game of the Year Edition

by TheMcD

Part 11: Update IX - We Freed The World Of Zizek's Strange Anime Game.

Update IX - We Freed The World Of Zizek's Strange Anime Game.

♪ BGM: Closer's Theme

So, last time, a whole bunch of stuff happened. But I guess we're now ready to get to Game Seven, now that Bobson has learned a new secondary pitch.

We'd deleted the player character who had forced them to cater to his whims. More than that, we'd pulled one of the NPCs from the world to let her live her own life. I didn't understand how any of it worked, but Zizek assured me that it wouldn't disrupt reality... at least not anymore than anything else we did. I had to put all of that out of my head. The sun had risen, and we were less than twelve hours away from the beginning of game seven. I hadn't gotten any sleep, and hoped that once we returned to the clubhouse I could fit in a little nap before pre-game workouts. Little did I know that my journey was far from over.

Here we are, back at the clubhouse. Let's go talk to people.

What do you mean?
Oh, you don't know? You should talk to coach.

That doesn't sound good at all.

Yeah, sure.

Thanks! Here, have this Dr. Pepper. I don't need it anymore.

Looks like we're at the beginning of a trading chain. That'll be fun. Anyway, here's what all the other people have to say.

I know that was a bad pitch, but this seems excessive...

If you ask me, coach is being unreasonable.

This sucks, but we've gotta do what we've gotta do.
What sucks?
Oh... Nothing.

The good news is that you can relax and watch the game tonight.
What are you talking about?

You should go talk to coach.

Well, I'm sure you can already work out what's happening here, since we already had a little bird tell us that something was happening. And by bird, I mean a Cardinal. And by Cardinal, I mean The Machine.

What the hell is everyone outside chatting about? They're apologizing to me and not for the things they do to piss me off.
I've made a decision, Bobson. If we get that far, you won't be closing out Game 7.

♪ BGM: Moose

Everyone in the media is calling for it after what happened last night. That was a awful pitch you threw.
This is a terrible idea! Why are you making your managerial decisions based off of what people in the media say? The media are idiots!
This is true.
Besides, Bobson has learned a new pitch! He can throw a changeup now and he's more than ready to use it in a game situation.
I'm sorry, Bobson, but this is just how it has to be.
Just let us show you his new pitch! Trust us, it will change your mind.
I do not believe that this is about pitching. I believe that this is about the pressures of society, which are far more difficult to change.
He's right.
You understand what Zizek is talking about?
No, but he's right. Listen, any pitcher can blow a game. Even if Bobson is throwing Sandy Koufax's curveball, he might miss with his location and screw things up again. If he does, I'm toast, because everyone out there is acting like he needs to be pulled from the closer spot. Whereas if the new guy blows the game, I can't be second-guessed as much.
That's a terrible way to manage!
This is not happening.
Don't freak out, Bobson! Being a "closer" is totally overrated. Often middle relievers face more high leverage situations.
Ahhhh, don't make me think about facts right now! I'm too upset.

And off he goes.

Hey, where are you going?

Bobson has left the party!

Well that's not good.
I do not believe that he took that news very well.
Very observant, Zizek.
What the hell? Did he just walk out on the team?
It looks that way.
This is unacceptable! Moose, and whoever the hell you two are, go and find him!
I'm Kami.
And I am a fixed position in space in which matter is slightly denser than--
I don't care! Find my pitcher! Ask around and figure out where he went and BRING HIM BACK!

♪ BGM: Kaminari

I'll do it! Let's destroy some oppressive power structures with MATH!
Seconded. Kami should be the leader in Bobson's absence.
She just came into this world ten minutes ago!
I will not take back my vote, as that would destroy the legitimacy of the election. A legitimate election is too rare and beautiful thing to let die for any reason, even this reason.
Fine, Kami can be the leader. Now let's hurry up before Bobson gets too far. Coach is right, we should ask the other players what they think.

Time to ask around. Here's what everybody has to say.

Bobson? Oh yeah, he said he was going to go find something to make him even better.
Another pitch?
No, I think it was something chemical.
Oh no, I think he's going to try steroids! Not that steroids are nearly the demon traditional writers make them out to be.
How do you know anything about steroids? You're from 1943... a virtual 1943.

There is a lot of competition here, but I'm making the call - Kami is the best character in this game.

Yeah, he definitely said something that sounded like PEDs.
This isn't good...

I asked Bobson where he was going and he said that "he knew where to go". Then he muttered something about a factory I think? I don't know...
A factory, huh? Maybe he's going to seize the means of production!
I hope so.

I'm sad that Bobson is gone. I'm going to stuff my face with pizza. It's the only thing that keeps the pain away. Delicious pizza.

I ain't got a clue where Bobson is.

Bobson said something right before he left. He was trying to figure out why candy would make him a better player.
Did he mean nose candy? Like cocaine?
No, I don't think so. I think it was regular candy.

He wants to find something that he thinks will make him a better player, and he was overheard saying something that sounded like PEDs. Moreover, another teammate heard him asking questions about why candy would improve his performance.
None of this makes any sense!
Good! Now you are understanding this world. Nothing makes sense.
No, actually, it all fits together. Candy...factory...PEDs... Bobson heard all the buzz about PEDs, but misheard it since he's never been big on paying attention, and misinterpreted it because, well... sometimes he prefers to hear what he wants to hear. So he's been operating under the belief that PEZ was banned by MLB to prevent cheating. When, in fact, PEZ has simply lost popularity and largely disappeared during the same timeframe baseball banned PEDs.
PEZ? As in the pill-like candy that preps children for a life dependant on small doses of pleasure-inducing chemicals given by the nodding head of authority?
Yes, I guess that is what I mean.
You're fucking joking.
You don't know Bobson like I do.
It is remarkable that he even made it to adulthood.
Nah, he's very intelligent when he wants to be, he just has trouble paying attention.
So where has he gone?
The abandoned PEZ factory in upstate New York, no doubt.
Now that *is* a joke, right?
No joke. It's not far, but we should hurry. Looking at the clock, we only have about fourteen hours until game time.

I'm pretty sure we just time travelled right there.

All right! On to the Pez Factory!

♪ BGM: Pez Factory

Oh man, it is going to be a hassle if we have to search this whole place.
Hey, some noise is coming from that speaker over there!

C'mon, Bobson, this is childish. You are literally throwing a tantrum.
No, this is literally throwing a tantrum!

We hear something shatter.

What did you just break?
I think it was a mould for Pez dispensers.
Well, no big loss.
You're better than this, Bobson! Come on out!
No! I am not better than this! I won't come out until I'm named the closer again!
This isn't the way to goabout any of this, Bobson. This only makes you look worse. You look like a petulant baby!
I made my decision!
You should know that to make a decision is tantamount to treason against yourself.
I don't even know what that means! I never know what anything you say means!

And another thing shatters.

I guess there's no consoling him.
What the hell are we going to do?
Maybe we need to figure out a way to get his job back. If your coach is fixated on media narrative, maybe we can change the narrative before the game and he'll change his mind. We need to make the sportswriters and fans demand Bobson return to the closer role.
Yeah! You do that!
You make a good point, Kami, but how do we go about that? There is nothing more difficult to change than a narrative. We may as well sit upon the beach and command the tides to recede.
Hm... I have an idea.
What's the plan, Moose?
A media narrative isn't so impossible to change, especially for a short time. We just need to harness the power of social media. We need to go to Twitter.
Are you suggesting that we spend our time at a computer, typing words into the ether in the hopes that they have an effect on the world? If that is what you are suggesting, then you are a madman, and not the good kind.
No, better than that. We need to go to Twitter headquarters and change the narrative at the source.
Wait, there's a Twitter headquarters???
I thought that you didn't want to be part of the party, Bobson! If you want to join us, you can come right on out here!
No! I just wanted to know if there is a Twitter headquarters.
Of course there is. And we can go there and get into the system and alter the media narrative as we see fit. There areplenty of fans and reporters who know Bobson shouldn't lose his job. We make sure their tweets are seen and others are not. Once the media picks up on the new narrative, coach will re-install Bobson as the closer and all will be well.
I don't know what Twitter is but this sounds great!
As far as I know, it is like the telegraph, if the telegraph was pumped full of amphetamines and then suffered a massive head trauma.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
Well if you think it will be helpful in getting Bobson out of his funk, then that's good enough for me. Twitter here we come!

How long until game time?
Fourteen hours.

So we just didn't lose any time at all going there. Man, time is weird.


♪ BGM: Terminate

Where in the name of Friedrich Nietzsche is that music coming from?
That's Carlos Rodriguez's walkup music. But what is he doing here?
More importantly than that, how can he make music play wherever he goes?

How does he know that???
Kami, this is Carlos Rodriguez, better known as "The Machine". He's the one who hit the HR off of Bobson, putting us all in this mess. Though none of that explains why he's here, and not at the stadium with the rest of his team preparing for the game.
I heard that Bobson lost the closer job, just like I predicted.
And you came to gloat?
Something like that.
Leave Bobson alone! He's been through enough!
No, he hasn't. And I think that's the problem.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
It sounded like something I would say, and not in a good way. This man concerns me.
Oh, who is this?
Who am I? That is actually a good question, but not a question that we have time to discuss because there is a baseball game soon. However, all you need to know about me is that I am Bobson's friend, and that I will not let you harass him further.
Bobson's friend? Fascinating. I don't think you really understand what is going on here. The entire world was watching him. Millions of eyes fixed upon his every move and he failed. His pain and inadequacy were broadcast across the globe. On some level, you should know the feeling, Moose. Though perhaps not so acutely...
Despite all of that, despite everything that has happened in this world... I am Bobson's only friend.
You don't understand yet. Your vision is too narrow.
Take that back! If anything, my vision is considerably wider than it should be!
Heh, I'm really getting under your skin, aren't I?
You are a pompous, irritating man... And I will reveal that you are nothing but a boastful fool!
Watch out, Zizek, he's defeated both Bobson and me... He's dangerous.
Do not worry about me, Moose. This man knows nothing of philosophy. This will be simple.
Now this is interesting... You aren't a pitcher.
No I am not. A pitcher carries water, and I carry water for no one.
You're being deliberately obtuse.
That is what I do. If you figured it out so quickly, perhaps I should be careful.
Come at me, Zizek. I will destroy you just like I destroyed Bobson. And maybe you will be smart enough to thank me.

Call me a pessimist, but I don't think this is going to end well. Well, let's give it a shot.

Zizek applies a Marxist critique!

You are well paid for your efforts as a baseball player, are you not?
Of course! I'm one of the best there is!
How can you justify your salary when you know that others starve? There is no doubt that you are talented. There are no questions about whether you are able to perform your duties... but when it comes right down to it, you earn millions of dollars by playing a child's game. How can you accept that? Other men break their backs to simply eat. You play and you are wealthy beyond their wildest dreams.
You're right. It's totally unfair. Among all the men in the world, it is clear that I do not objectively deserve my salary.
But it's not so simple. Ultimately, there are thousands of people who pay lots of money to see me play at the stadium. There are even more people who sign up for cable television to watch my team. In a perfect world, all this money would to a better cause. But this isn't a perfect world. Baseball teams make hundreds of millions of dollars a year. Where should that money go? Should it go to the owners, who do not play the game? The fans do not watch the games for the owners. They do not buy ownership merchandise. They tune in to watch me and my teammates. And we're the ones who work--both in the games and in the offseason to keep in shape. So shouldn't we be the ones to reap the rewards?
I suppose, in the practical sense, you are right. If someone *must* become wealthy off of baseball, it should be the players. You... You are right!

Zizek lost the ability to use [Marxist Critique] against Carlos Rodriguez!


Zizek applies a Kantian critique!

No matter what you claim, you are clearly the villain of this story.
Oh, really? How so?
You have done nothing but impede us at every turn. We are trying to help Bobson return to the pitcher he once was before. Our goal is noble——the restoration of our friend--thus your obstruction is... clearly nothing less than immoral, against the righteous and so on, and so on.
You're barking up the wrong tree.
I am not a dog, and my reasoning is valid. There are purposes in this world which are clearly good. No matter what you believe, restoring the confidence of a man is unquestionably good.
What if that man was a monster?
Bobson is not a monster!
No, but what if his success has dire consequences that even you are unable to predict? Would stopping him be immoral then?
I do not know what you are talking about. He is a pitcher. A baseball player. How could regaining his confidence be bad?
That's a good question, Zizek. But do you trust yourself to make that judgement call? Are you so certain about your own righteousness that you are unwilling to consider that you are advancing a negative cause? Some of the most evil men in history were sure that they were doing the right thing. Who is to say what happens if Bobson becomes a good pitcher again?
I... I don't know. I guess nothing can be so black and white. You... You are right!

Zizek lost the ability to use [Kantian Critique] against Carlos Rodriguez!


Zizek applies a feminist critique!

So, you are a baseball player like Moose and Bobson.
Nice observation, Professor.
Professional sports within the United States and much of the so-called "western" world is overtly masculine in orientation. Baseball, especially, finds itself awash with masculine imagery.
This should be entertaining.
The hitter is judged by his ability with the bat, a phallic object that he wields as an extension of his own manhood. Further, the pitcher is judged by his ability to penetrate the hitter's defenses, forcing his way past the hitter's resistance. Meanwhile, the only way the man can prevent himself from being penetrated is to wield the instrument of his own extended manhood. As such, the pitcher seeks to castrate the hitter, and feminize him in an act known as the "strikeout".
Ah, but the best hitters know when to hold back. They do not wield their bat-- their extended manhood as you call it-- and they succeed by being passive... they succeed by taking a walk, by allowing the hypermasculine pitcher to attempt to overpower them and using that aggression to their advantage. The best hitters in baseball are as receptive as they are combative, and thus you are wrong.
You... You are right!

Zizek lost the ability to use [Feminist Critique] against Carlos Rodriguez! Zizek no longer has any critiques to use against Carlos Rodriguez!


♪ BGM: Silence ♫

How... How is this possible? You are just a baseball player. How can you command such a presence in the field of philosophy?
Once again Bobson surrounds himself with failures.
That may be true, but so do we all! Truly all of mankind is made up of failures, so your point is both well taken and utterly meaningless.
Stop playing word games to hide that you were defeated by me, Zizek. And good luck with whatever foolishness you get up to next.

And he's gone...
Shouldn't we chase after him or something?
What would be the point?
Zizek is right. It is clear now that only Bobson can defeat Carlos Rodriguez. We need to focus on getting him back in the game. Then we can worry about Rodriguez.
We continue with our original plan to assault Twitter headquarters and force a media narrative returning Bobson to the closer position.
Let's not use the word "assault." We are going there to talk.
All speech is assault, dear Moose.
Well, I'm glad defeat hasn't changed you.

That'll be it for this update. Next time, we'll take a look at just what exactly Bobson is planning on doing in that factory.