The Let's Play Archive

Umineko no Naku Koro ni

by ProfessorProf

Part 150: ???

Video: Parting Comments

BGM: About Face

A fork was stuck into a shortcake peeking out of a gift box, and there were decanters with drinks of various colors lined up on a side table. But the color of the partially finished drink that had been poured into a cup was venomous, matching none of the decanters. Someone had probably been playing around, mixing various things together. That can be lots of fun, if you don't mind the taste.

On top of the fluffy bed were several colorful, big pillows like something from a dream. And on this bed that looked like something out of a child's dream world, Bernkastel lay face down, and Lambdadelta lay face up, clutching a pillow and relaxing...

"...What a rude witch, to start a game like this and try to end it by throwing it away."
"Wasn't Ange a good piece? After Beato ran for it, Ange dragged her back and made her resume the game. Although it's a shame that she gave Battler a little too much enthusiasm."
"...After all, I knew Battler was a softy."
"No kidding. He looked like he might even go easy on Beato, his enemy."
"...I was uneasy that, like the last game, he might actually feel compassion for Beato and take the game in a weird direction. Ange was a trump card to get Battler back on track when he mistook his goal. Although I wanted her to support him a bit more before using her up. She really did get used right off the bat. What a waste for a piece that required so much preparation."
"Hehheheheh! Good thing I shackled her with that rule about not giving her name! If that hadn't been set up, the brother-sister tag team would've swallowed Beato up and won in the blink of an eye."
"...I thought it'd be a chance for them to press her all at once, but your mark was so restrictive that I couldn't make the best use of her. Aaah, what a waste that piece was."
"Well, yeah? That piece was super OP, I needed her out of there, like, yesterday. Well, in the end, she did a good job of preventing the suspension of the game, and that helps me out too. The way she made both our interests match is what made her a truly wonderful piece."
"...She was an innocent kid like Battler, so it was easy to get her to do as I said. Morons and impulsive types make the best pieces. Aaah, I really can't stand losing that piece."
"By now, that kid's minced meat! Hey, let's make hamburgers out of her later on☆ Oh wait, didn't you like gyoza more? I wonder what little sister tastes like, *giggle*, hilarious!"
"...Is it really okay for you to be so relaxed? Thanks to Ange, Battler has gotten all fired up. I'm pretty sure he's started a hot pursuit of Beato, making this game take a big turn in my favor, right...? I mean, didn't Battler just solve almost all the mysteries up until now?"

"...Yeah, it really ticks me off. If it were me, I'd thoroughly cut down all of it with the red."
"...Oh, really? And I was sure that those were all correct. Well, I don't know about that small bomb part though."

BGM: Happy Maria! (Instrumental)

"Next, Kanon might've died in an accident in the boiler room, but...*giggle*! What kind of accident could drive a stake into his chest? Are you a moron? I'll slice it with that red treasured sword thing."

"The final trap X to kill Natsuhi was also ridiculous. The thing that shot Natsuhi wasn't a trap, it was a real shooting murder with a gun raised and trigger pulled! *giggle* Sucks for you...!"
"...You shouldn't do that. Saying something like that in red. That kid's trying to say that she bounced Natsuhi's bullet back with magic and killed her."
"Ohohohoh, oh my, how terrible of me, you're right...! Even the blue truth for the second game was way too naive."

"It's also laughable to say that, in the case where Nanjo and Kumasawa were killed in the servant room, someone else inherited Kanon's name. No one else can go by Kanon's name! A different person can't claim that as their name!"
"And that theory about borrowing the master key from Rosa for Natsuhi's room is also worthless! After the master keys came into Rosa's control, never did any of them leave her hands! Except for the time when she lent one to Battler to unlock Natsuhi's room. I can keep on going, but just taking a quick look at them turns out like this, get it?"
"...Forget taking a quick look, you've just denied Battler's blue truth for the first and second games across the board. My, my, what a shame. If Battler heard, he'd faint."
"...Right? Beato wasn't cornered at all. Looks like that kid's a pretty good actress after all. I'm sure she planned to make it look like she was getting cornered this game, and then sometime next game, *bang*, she'll slice it up with a single red stroke to make Battler freak."
"*giggle* And then I'm sure she'll say it again with a huge smile. 'Witches neeever get into a pinch'! Pff, *giggle*giggle*giggle*!!"
"...Then that whole tragic atmosphere as though Beato was getting cornered was all an act?"
"Isn't it obvious?! She really is a great actress! Even though she wasn't cornered at all, it felt like an astonishing, last-episode climax! She's totally the winner for best supporting actress this year!! Oh, but of course I'm the star! You'd do fine too, Beeern!"
"...At the end, she said something like 'Kill me' and laid out a big riddle. Wasn't that her last stand, with Beato to be finished for good if that riddle was solved?"
"*giggle*giggle*...! Come on, were you seriously tricked too, Bern? That wasn't even close to a last stand! Beato's still holding back a killer hidden move. When she stuck out both hands to give the final riddle, did you notice how she lowered just her right hand?"
"...Yeah, now that you mention it. Is that what that meant?"
"Sure is! That kid still had plenty of hidden moves left! And none of the mysteries have been solved...!"

"That kid's been totally encouraged by her 'North Wind and the Sun Strategy' from last time, right? I'm sure Battler will sympathize with Beato again and fall for it completely...! After all, a single tear from a woman can fool a man, totally economical and profitable!!"
"...I wonder if Battler will get caught by the same move again. I've got to spur him on so he never feels sympathy again. Although Ange's mincemeat seems to have done that pretty well."
"A power-up from an Ange-flavored hamburger? Ohhohohohohohoho! Of course, I won't lose either. Starting here, I'll thoroughly support Beato to rally her up enough to compete with Battler. Beato won't lose. I mean, I'm threatening her with a wonderful punishment game if she loses♪"

BGM: About Face

"I've decided what to do for your next punishment game, Bern. Wanna hear? Wanna hear?"
"Come ooon, ask me☆"
"Guess what, guess what? I'll lock you in a wonderful, wonderful castle. That castle will be surrounded by pure white castle walls, 12 kilometers to a side. With a height of 10 meters. Magic and tricks are prohibited! You really couldn't jump over that, right?"
"1,440,000,000 cubic meters? You can stop there, I already know what you're going to say."
"Eheheheheh! And that place will start getting buried with gems, one every day! I'll lock you in it until the castle walls are packed with them, and you've been buried to death with gems. Isn't that a wonderful, romantic punishment game?"
"...If you multiply the length of the walls by five and make it one tenth its current height, I wouldn't mind if you shut me in it right now."
"Really?! That would make it 3,600,000,000 cubic meters, right?! The time period for the punishment game would more than double, right?!"
"Aaahh, I get to keep you as my prisoner for such a long time?! I really like you, Bern, I love you♪"

Lambdadelta playfully approached Bernkastel, who yawned, looking bored, as she touched the bottom of Lambdadelta's chin as though cuddling a cat...

"...I wouldn't. Her chances of winning are zero."
"Ohohoh! How truly pitiful, being told by the Witch of Miracles that there's no chance of a miracle! Although I wouldn't bet on her either, right?"
"I can say that with certainty!"
"...It's also pretty sad when the Witch of Certainty says that you're certainly screwed."

Unusually for them, they giggled together...

"I wonder how this game will resolve itself..."
"...Yeah, that's the one thing we can't predict. That's why it's fun."
"I won't permit escaping or suspensions any longer. I'll certainly make them continue their game, and I won't let them run away...! Even though I can't even imagine what will happen next, I know it certainly won't end that way."

"I mean, think about it. Neither of us is betting on Beato's victory! In other words, if it looks like Beato is gonna win, she'll have us two Great Witches as enemies...!"
"...Exactly. Our powers are most in equilibrium when balancing between a tie and Battler's advantage. If it tips too much in Beato's favor, both of us will line up along the same vector and drag Beato back."
"In other words, the instant Beato's in a superior position, she'll have to deal with both of us as enemies."
"...Ehheheheheh! A common front with Bern, sounds fuuun♪"
"...Thanks. But I'm not going into a konpeitou candy bath with you."
"Aaaw, and I was gonna cover you with melted marshmallows while taking a konpeitou shower."
"...How pitiful. That child is a living toy, a doll you caught so that you could play with me, Lambda."
"I'm good at playing with dolls. I really can do it well, okay? I'm proud of being able to play with a single toy for hundreds of years without getting tired of it."
"...You're her ally at some times and oppose her at others, toying with her for all eternity. How pitiful. That kid is now our doll."
"Hehheheh, that's right, that kid is our doll. No end has been prepared for that kid except the ones the two of us desire. In other words, I can say for sure that this can only end by repeating a tie for eternity because of me, or else with Beato losing and being destroyed because of you, Bern. ...Heheh, as far as this game ending with Beato's victory goes..."
"...I will proclaim it as the Witch of Miracles."
"Then I will proclaim it as the Witch of Certainty."

BGM: Prison Strip

May we meet again in the next LP.