Introduction

Umineko no Naku Koro ni, literally When the Seagulls Cry, is a 2007 sound novel by Ryukishi07, the author of the generally more well-known Higurashi series. It's simultaneously a murder mystery, a loving metatextual homage to the genre of murder mysteries, a deconstruction of his previous work, and a wild over-the-top anime fantasy adventure. In short, it's a hell of a thing.

With the first half of the game finally getting a proper western release on Steam (go get it!), I figured it's about time I dragged some more people through this fever dream of a story.

The ground rules:

• As usual, a screenshot LP, with music links and occasional video links. It will be possible to fully enjoy the story without clicking on them, but Umineko's music is seriously fantastic, so I don't recommend skipping them.
  
• There are a total of eight episodes in the story; I'll be trying for now to make it through the first four. After I get that far, I'll decide whether or not to continue based on my stamina and whether or not I've found a good text dump for episodes 6 and onwards.
  
• Updates will come three times a week, on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, or more frequently if my backlog is more than 10 updates long. I'll try to be upfront about when I'll have to miss updates. Between Episodes, I'll probably take some time off for my own sanity. This game is seriously huge, after all.
  
• I'm using the PS3 art assets and the Steam translation. My game copy is using a different translation and I'm adopting some of its conventions, so technically the final product won't quite be matching any existing translation, but I hope to make things as readable as possible.
  
• While the game itself is almost completely a linear story, this doesn't mean you can just sit back and relax. Your job, once the mystery is afoot, will be to try and stay one step ahead of Battler and solve the many mysteries of Rokkenjima.
  
• While I'll be including video links of particularly major scenes, if you want to see/hear a scene in video but I didn't record it, let me know. If I was on the fence about it, or if there's enough demand, I'll go back and edit a video in.
  
• Hoo boy.
  

Are you going to be less of a spoiler nazi than usual?
I'm going to be just as much of a spoiler nazi as usual! Umineko is a whodunnit at heart, so it's possible for even a small spoiler to ruin huge swaths of the experience. Even commenting on how important a scene is in retrospect can be a massive, mystery-cracking hint, so don't even think about it.

If you've played this game before, be very careful about what you say. Don't even think about posting spoilers disguised as "speculation", either. A true Umineko fan realizes that half the fun is watching new players flounder around in the dark and form crazy theories, and won't do anything to make things easier for them. If anything, you should be trying to constantly mislead people like a proper enigmatic witch, a suggestion that will hopefully at least make new readers second-guess any accidental spoilers they come across.

I just had a great idea for a post that won't quite look like spoilers, but in hindsight will turn out to have been secret spoilers all along!
This is not nearly as clever as it sounds in your head. Please reconsider.

Table of Contents

Episode 1: Legend of the Golden Witch
Chapter 1: Prologue
Chapter 2: Arrival at Rokkenjima
Chapter 3: Arrival at Rokkenjima II
Chapter 4: Guesthouse
Chapter 5: Dining Room
Chapter 6: Dining Room II
Chapter 7: Epitaph on the Portrait
Chapter 8: Sandy Beach
Chapter 9: Letter and Umbrella
Chapter 10: Letter and Umbrella II
Chapter 11: Legend of the Gold
Chapter 12: Night of the Storm
Chapter 13: The Six Chosen by the Key
Chapter 14: The Six Chosen by the Key II
Chapter 15: The Curtain Rises on Tragedy
Chapter 16: The Curtain Rises on Tragedy II
Chapter 17: Occult
Chapter 18: Occult II
Chapter 19: The Two Who Are Close
Chapter 20: The Two Who Are Close II
Chapter 21: Boiler Room
Chapter 22: Boiler Room II
Chapter 23: Besieged
Chapter 24: Besieged II
Chapter 25: Besieged III
Chapter 26: The Golden Witch
Tea Party
????

Episode 2: Turn of the Golden Witch
Chapter 1: Prologue
Chapter 2: Furniture
Chapter 3: Furniture II
Chapter 4: Wonderful Utopia
Chapter 5: School Culture Festival
Chapter 6: School Culture Festival II
Chapter 7: Chessboard Preparations
Chapter 8: Chessboard Preparations II
Chapter 9: Guest of Honor
Chapter 10: Guest of Honor II
Chapter 11: The Witch's Move
Chapter 12: The Witch's Move II
Chapter 13: Furniture and People
Chapter 14: Furniture and People II
Chapter 15: Wedding Ring
Chapter 16: Halloween
Chapter 17: Halloween II
Chapter 18: Jessica and Kanon
Chapter 19: Jessica and Kanon II
Chapter 20: New Rule
Chapter 21: New Rule II
Chapter 22: A Suspect
Chapter 23: A Suspect II
Chapter 24: Wolves and Sheep Puzzle
Chapter 25: Wolves and Sheep Puzzle II
Chapter 26: Devil's Proof
Chapter 27: Devil's Proof II
Chapter 28: Fleeting Resistance
Chapter 29: Fleeting Resistance II
Chapter 30: Surrender
Chapter 31: Resurrection
Chapter 32: Banquet of the Witch
Tea Party
????

Episode 3: Banquet of the Golden Witch
Chapter 1: Prologue
Chapter 2: Days as a Young Girl
Chapter 3: My Preparations Are Already Complete
Chapter 4: My Preparations Are Already Complete II
Chapter 5: The Witch's Written Challenge
Chapter 6: The Witch's Written Challenge II
Chapter 7: Possibility of a 19th Person
Chapter 8: Possibility of a 19th Person II
Chapter 9: Rosa and the Witch of the Forest
Chapter 10: Rosa and the Witch of the Forest II
Chapter 11: Rosa and the Witch of the Forest III
Chapter 12: The Beginning of the Ritual
Chapter 13: The Beginning of the Ritual II
Chapter 14: Madam Beatrice
Chapter 15: Madam Beatrice II
Chapter 16: Virgilia
Chapter 17: Skirmish
Chapter 18: Skirmish II
Chapter 19: The Key to the Golden Land
Chapter 20: The Key to the Golden Land II
Chapter 21: Coronation
Chapter 22: Coronation II
Chapter 23: The New Witch
Chapter 24: The New Witch II
Chapter 25: Announcement of Sacrifices
Chapter 26: Battle to the Death in the Hall
Chapter 27: Battle to the Death in the Hall II
Chapter 28: Battle to the Death in the Hall III
Chapter 29: The Definition of a Witch
Chapter 30: The Definition of a Witch II
Chapter 31: Real Magic
Chapter 32: Real Magic II
Chapter 33: The Witch's Courtroom
Chapter 34: The Witch's Courtroom II
Chapter 35: The Witch's Courtroom III
Chapter 36: The Witch's Courtroom IV
Chapter 37: The Witch's Courtroom V
Chapter 38: The Witch Illusion
Tea Party
????

Episode 4: Alliance of the Golden Witch
Chapter 1: Prologue
Chapter 2: The New Guest
Chapter 3: Ange and Maria
Chapter 4: Ange and Maria II
Chapter 5: The Future 12 Years Later
Chapter 6: The Future 12 Years Later II
Chapter 7: Red Truth, Blue Truth
Chapter 8: Red Truth, Blue Truth II
Chapter 9: Ange's Recollection
Chapter 10: Ange's Recollection II
Chapter 11: Mariage Sorcière
Chapter 12: Mariage Sorcière II
Chapter 13: Invitation to Fantasy
Chapter 14: Invitation to Fantasy II
Chapter 15: My World
Chapter 16: My World II
Chapter 17: Sakutaro
Chapter 18: Sakutaro II
Chapter 19: To the Island of the Witch
Chapter 20: To the Island of the Witch II
Chapter 21: Ushiromiya Kinzo
Chapter 22: Ushiromiya Kinzo II
Chapter 23: Ushiromiya Kinzo III
Chapter 24: The Sweet World of Witches
Chapter 25: The Sweet World of Witches II
Chapter 26: Dungeon
Chapter 27: Dungeon II
Chapter 28: My Mission
Chapter 29: My Mission II
Chapter 30: Final Family Conference
Chapter 31: The Next Head
Chapter 32: The Next Head II
Chapter 33: The Next Head III
Chapter 34: The Next Head IV
Chapter 35: The Next Head V
Chapter 36: The Next Head VI
Chapter 37: Cause of the Tragedy
Chapter 38: Cause of the Tragedy II
Chapter 39: Cause of the Tragedy III
Chapter 40: Journey's Endpoint
Chapter 41: Journey's Endpoint II
Chapter 42: Journey's Endpoint III
Chapter 43: Ushiromiya Ange
Chapter 44: Ushiromiya Ange II
Chapter 45: Tea Party
Chapter 46: Tea Party II
Chapter 47: Tea Party III
Chapter 48: ???

A letter from Ryukishi07

Profile Archive
EP1 Profiles
EP2 Profiles
EP3 Profiles
EP4 Profiles

Episode 1 TIPS
Epitaph on the Portrait
The Witch's Letter
The Witch's Letter II
The Witch's Letter III
The Witch's Game Record
Sawed-off Winchester M-1894
The Seven Stakes of Purgatory

Episode 2 TIPS
Epitaph on the Portrait
The Witch's Letter
The Witch's Letter II
The Witch's Letter III
The Witch's Letter IV
The Witch's Game Record
Golden Butterfly Brooch

Episode 3 TIPS
Epitaph on the Portrait
The Witch's Letter
The Witch's Game Record
Chiester Sisters Imperial Guard Corps
The Chiesters' Golden Bow
Regarding the Succession of the Witch

Episode 4 TIPS
Mariage Sorcière
System of Magic
Grimoire
Beatrice's Titles
Regarding Witches
Regarding Voyagers
Regarding Creators

Guest Updates (courtesy of oath2order and tiistai)
Bernkastel's Letter
Memoirs by Lady Lambdadelta
Notes from a Certain Chef
Letter from a Summoner
A Certain Witch Hunter's Interview Tape
The Seven Sisters' Valentine
Beatrice's White Day

They insisted I preserve this, so here it is.