Part 45: A Brief Q&A
Let's get down to business with some questions. We gathered up some ancient magics and we... blah, blah, blah. Let's try not to think about how this happened and focus on the fact that it is actually happening.
To Nigel, Bloodgut, and Vilefeast:
Why aren't you more dapper by now?
: What!? I'm plenty "dapper."
: I think that's more directed at Vilefeast and me.
: Well then that's a silly question. I'll never allow you idiots to get actual people clothes. By the Nether, it's fun just watching Vilefeast freeze his loincloth off every other week.
: Eee-hee-hee! Me knees all chilly!
Vilefeast, what's your favorite sound something makes when they die?
: Hmm... this tricky.
: Use your big boy words.
: Me think favorite sound be... "BLARGHGHAGAGHGH-Frrrrrrrrrrrt!"
: Ogre gassy. Even in death.
How much beer can a Thunderbrew chug if a Thunderbrew chugs beer?
: Thunderbrew? Those wee lads? Pfft. Ne'er as much as a Firefist! 'Course, our brew is mostly gunpowder...
: Is all of dwarven society centered around either killing yourself slowly or killing yourself quickly?
Why are you so bald?
: Yes, Chieftain?
: Have that man killed.
Nigel, most terrible and dapper of orcish chieftains,
If you had the opportunity, either through bloodshed or subterfuge, to acquire Admiral Proudmoore's hat (as seen in the Warcraft 2 box art), would you chose to wear that one instead of your top hat?
Follow up question if you answer yes to the above: Would you also trade the monocle for an eyepatch?
: Mmm... I've heard of these hats. Great mariners wear them as a point of pride. I could possibly partake of such a thing. However, the eyepatch simply would not do. I could not be seen as a bumbling idiot who happened to lose an eye doing something stupid.
: 'Ey, Chief!
Why aren't they used more?
: A... what?
: Mmm, I'll have to admit that I've never heard of such a thing.
: Aye, we used ta have them in Ironforge! Massive beasties ye'd race down th' mountain slopes in. So named fer... no one survivin' the impact.
To Mag'fon: Could you speak the King's Common perfectly if your life depended on it orrrrr if it would net you ten dead elves?
: Ya sayin' I don't speak perfect Common already, mon?
: Ahem... you're speaking Orcish right now, Mag'fon.
: Poorly, might I add.
: I'm the only one among us well-read enough to speak Common, even.
: I could still do it, mon! Ahem...
: Oh, this'll be good.
: Eye yam berry hoppy too ee ooo. Mee chow ooo gewd tiem. Joltox?
: What is 'joltox' supposed to mean...?
What is best in
: To crush enemies. See enemies crushed before you. Also crush their women. Keep on crushing.
Hey Ravigaz, let's say you were to try to wrest dominion of the mages of Azeroth (and by extension all of the world). Let's also say that you knew of the birth of a boy that would destroy you, and in your attempt to destroy this boy, his mother mysteriously destroyed you, but not completely. Both of his parents died in this attack, and he is sent to live with his uncle.
Now the boy is of age to study magic and you are without a corporeal form. While you can influence and dominate some people, and may have some supporters that will help you, you cannot directly act in the physical world (yet). What do you do?
: What... what kind of question is that!?
: Yes, that certainly is a mouthful.
: No, it's just too easy! I'd use my incorporeal form and dominate some of those loose elven women over in Quel'Thalas and I-
: And ye call me people sick?
Really to anyone on the Horde side, where DID the dragonmaw get all that green paint for those dragons?
: Yes, a very astute question. ...That I will defer to Bloodgut.
: What? Oh, I... well, I suppose the dragons are born very young so they... uh... pass?
: Green mean good friend! Vilefeast know colors!
You are dapper even by human standards, yet you wear a monocle as if it's fused to your eye socket. What's the point of a monocle if it's not a-poppin out of your eye?
: I'm fairly certain that's happened at least once before. I can't say I'd like to relive that.
: You drawn silly!
Bloodgut, do you plan to go back to plain old peoning after having known the thrill of commanding men and leading them to glory?
: Well, I like to think that right now, I am far more than a "plain, old peon." I am the second-in-command to one of the most... To one of the Chieftains. I guide his actions with my advice and I-
: BLOODGUT! More rum for my rum bath!
: Coming, Chieftain!
you build a barracks where previously there was nothing, and over time all these orcs start pouring out of it. Where are these orcs coming from?
: Well, the orcs are actually on-site, you see. We merely provide the training and housing for them within the barracks. the Chieftain travels with around 100 orcs at all times, preparing them for battle as needed.
: Ja, mon. Ya tink dey just pop into existence or someting?
: ...I thought that's what happened.
Why the nether does a Mage Tower cost 200 lumber? Its made completely from stone and magic!
: We do need to furnish the thing. Tables, chairs, bookcases-
: 'Oi, mage-boy! Ye're gonna mention all those ale casks ye needed fer yer mage towers, right?
: NOT NOW, RUKU.
Nigel, how did you teach Vilefeast to eat pinecones, or did he come that way?
: You don't teach a lug like that anything. You just sort of play to his... strengths.
: Mrrfh... Eyyye chnnk frrrm!
: Don't talk with your moth full! ...What is that?
: It's, uh, "squirrel."
Hello Varin, my name is Timmy and I am five years old and when I grow up I want to be a wizard like my father who is a wizard in Dalaran, for christmas I want my daddy to come home because he's in Dalaran right now and one day a man in a shiny suit and said something to my mommy and now she is sad, I don't want her to be sad so I want my daddy to come home for christmas so that she don't have to be sad anymore. Can you tell my daddy to come home for christmas, Varin?
With best regards
: Oh, Light. Um, well... Son, your father was a true champion of the Alliance, and uh... Gaz, could you-?
: Oh, no. Leave me out of this.
: I dunno what's so hard fer ya two. Sounds like the boyo's da is dead and buried. Easy answer. No, lad, he won't be makin' it.
: ...You're a monster.
Bobbin Threadbare posted:
Hey Nigel, if the leaders of the orc hordes were to keel over and die and/or wisely step down in favor of your superior management skills, how would you change the course of the war?
: Haha, I think you mean, "when they keel over and die and/or grow brains." I'll be War Chief soon enough. As for what I'd do... Well, first things first: Kill Gul'dan immediately. I have no idea why Doomhammer let him live. Then, I'd attack the Capital City directly. Why is this so difficult to understand?
: Chieftain... I don't think it's that's simple.
: Of course it is! Then I'd sit on the throne and I'd have Doomhammer licking my boots! Bwahahaha!
: Me boots taste bad.
What do you think of shamanism? You know the worship of the Elements of nature. Would you ever take orders from a Shaman if he ordered you around?
: I had a pretty bad case of shamanism. I saw a necrolyte to clear that right up.
: 'Ey, Chief. I don't tink dat's what he means.
: I would never take orders from a fungal infection!
To all 3 characters: if you could kill one person, human or otherwise, who would it be and why?
: Doomhammer, without a doubt. A moron like that leading the Horde? Pfft. A real tactical genius would have won this by now.
: Me kill King Jorgulmondr. Lord of Tree Hunters and Pinecone Thieves.
: Nigel. Maybe. Can we skip me?
Brick Moses posted:
Vilefeast: Were you to be captured and forced under threat of summary execution to audition for a lead role in a Shakespearean tragedy, what character and scene would you perform to exhibit your stageworthiness?
: What? But he couldn't possibly-
: What piece of work be man! Noble in reason! Lots and lots in thinky parts! In prettiness and walking how awesome! Fight and move like birdie! It know all like daemon! Pretty as the world, strong as the squirrels!
: ...That doesn't even-
: Me think the Bloodgut potatest too much!
If you make a giant DeathWagon that could fling Vilefeast all the way to the Human Capitol, would that end the war quicker?
: No, but it does sound like a good activity for the weekend.
Sum Mors posted:
Nigel, I hear Gul'dan had a party with the other Horde war and clan chieftains a while back and he handed out some pretty strange drinks. Did you get in on that or were you too cool to attend?
: I remember going... drinking a lot... not much after that. Pretty typical, I guess.
: Me go back for seconds!
: Chieftain, you didn't. That liquid... it... there was something wrong about it.
: Yeah, I didn't find out who brewed it. That was some strong stuff!
What's your favorite polymorph animal? Mine's the turtle
: It's strange... whenever I polymorph a foe, it always seems to end up as something relative to the area. Snowy... a seal; Farmland... a sheep. Even a pig once or twice. But a turtle? That's ridiculous.
Viola the Mad posted:
Ruku: Which of the critters has the explodiest blubber?
: Goblins! Those things are dangerous!
Bargain bin Laden posted:
If da Amani were to, say, stop supporting da Horde, where would that put'cha? My loyalties be to da Horde and not Zul'jin should dere paths split.
: I'm uh, not really wit' da Aman-
: Of course you're staying with us, tusk-breath! If you don't, I'll break your ankles and have Vilefeast play hide the pinecone with your toes.
: Ahem. Aye. Da Horde be my home, mon.
All Characters: What is your fondest memory?
: Ah... watching Stormwind burn to the ground at my behest. Simple joy.
: Well... uh, meeting lady Garona.
: Y'know... I actually liked attackin' da elves wit' Bloodbelly. Even if he was a bit crazy.
: Gazing beyond the veil of life into an eternal dark beyond. Knowing that my weak shell has been shed and placed into a powerhouse such as this. Teehee... tickles! Me like smashing squirrels!
: There's too much for any one moment. Meeting Uther was perhaps the highlight of my journey. Such piety... such grace... such willpower!
: That brief moment when I thought I could've gotten out of this job. Ah... that moment felt amazing.
: Too easy.