Part 46: Raynald Of Châtillon Rides Again

PART 46 - Raynald Of Châtillon Rides Again

Hello welcome back to Advance Wars we're starting in medias res today



Indeed, we've got lots to get through, so let's finish this map already!

Alfonse is going to capture more things.



Arthur is successfully capturing more things. That's 1000 less funds for Sturm, anyway.

In the meantime, we need to get Howard to more properties. Money is super important for what I have planned!



We drop him off right up here. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that infantry.



Luckily, Max-powered Eddie is, uh, kind of terrifying to infantry units.



Christ, he hits like an anti-air.



Lloyd moves round this island - he's now in range to attack those missiles.



Speaking of hitting like an anti-air, let's hit an anti-air.



Excellent work, Patrick.



Von Panzer should be able to finish without worry, now.



Like so! Well done, you moustachioed bastard.



Again, we move Tina up to block the way. And hey, we have two damaged tanks - may as well capitalise on that.

And so, Barold and Von Panzer form... uh...

Von 🅱️anzer, I guess.

But anyway, forget that. Now it's time for the best part of every mission with airports!



Lucy!!!!

"Hi, guys!" Lucy trills. "We'll take care of this guy, no problem. Just point me in the right direction!"

"Oh, are we glad to see you." Dave replies. "We could do with some heavy firepower."

"I have that in spades!" Lucy replies, grinning. "Let's go!"



Sturm's turn again. Hopefully nothing dies.



His anti-airs advance but don't attack, and his artillery continue to retreat. This should work out quite well - we need to crush the anti-airs so that Lucy can safely approach the HQ, anyway.



So, hey, let's get on that.



Firstly, Lloyd can take a pot shot at this missile unit, which we'll also need to remove before Lucy gets here.



A direct hit! God, I can't believe I tried to beat this map the first time without battleship support. Past me was an idiot.



Speaking of support, let's get our other excellent debatably-young soldier on the scene!



"I believe my assistance was request. I'd be happy to rout your troublesome foe." Rose says as her tank squad come trundling out of the base. "Let us move out."

"Yeth! Head thith way, I'll ferry you to the enemy base." Rin explains.



Alfonse makes a start on capturing. I'll need more than one bomber to comfortably beat Sturm's forces, so money will continue to be an issue.



Things that are not an issue: Tina's damage output.



God damn, Tina. I love you.



Von Panzer/Barold catch up, whilst making sure to stay out of artillery range.



This map is so long, my god. I could've split this into a three-parter and it would have been valid.



Sturm's anti-air output triples, with three of the assholes now hanging around HQ, whilst the anti-air and artilleries near Tina's group advance... but as usual, don't attack.

Also note the transport copter dropping that mech off on the left, and the missiles that have retreated to a city to heal. We'll need to deal with those.



It's going to be a busy day, so let's get on with it.



First, Lucy advances, whilst making sure to stay out of anti-air range.



Rose gets into Rin...



...and Patrick does as well. Let's get them to where they need to be.



Alright, excellent. We have backup! It's not obvious right now, but there's a really good reason I got this backup.



Nice job, Howard. We're getting there, money-wise. We own over half the map now, I think.



And Selena gets back to port safely! Thank god. She's done for the map now, so she can just rest easy whilst we take care of it. Well fucking done, Selena. I'm proud of you.

"Haah..." Selena sighs, slumping in her chair. "That was almost worrisome. Good luck, everyone... I'm only sorry I can be of no more use."

"You were invaluable, Selena!" Lucy says, grinning. "I'll handle things on the ground, don't worry!"



Lloyd finds this nice alcove - from here, he can target the missiles, but...



He also has control over a lot of this area, and Sturm can do very little about it. It's pretty great.



I don't remember why I used my power here, actually. It's not necessary for this next turn, but eh, style points.



Max's full name is Maximus Forceps.



As we can see, Von Panzer/Barold do well enough against the anti-air anyway.



Yes, this puts him in artillery range, however...



Firstly, Tina absolutely ruins the fuck out of one of these dudes, and secondly, with only one left, it won't one-shot him. For some inane reason, these artilleries prioritise the little tanks over the big murderfuckers; Von Panzer/Barold will be taking the hit to protect Tina, pretty much.



Tina scares me sometimes.



Cassandra, meanwhile, is going back to get these stragglers. We're routing everyone, dammit!



And now that poor mech is stranded. He's gonna die.



Alright, Sturm, fucking try me. Bring it!



OH FUCK, CAPTURING



This worked out perfectly though.



Sorry, dudes. Thanks for taking so many hits on this map!



So, it's my turn again, and I'm getting sick of this artillery and anti-air spam. You should also notice here why I needed to bring Rose in - Tina's ammo is running low, and she'll run out before we reach the end of this map. Fuel's also going to become somewhat troublesome. Tina has driven quite a long way.



But anyway, Patrick bullies this dickhead and his artillery mates.



Lloyd might be able to sneak a kill here, actually. Which would allow Von Panzer/Barold to take the damaged artillery, then have Tina one-shot the anti-air. That sounds like a good use of the turn!



god damn it lloyd



Hm. Lucy should help, but... no, not here.



It's overkill, but if I take this guy out, I can do the plan.



"Bombs away!" Lucy cheers as the anti-air explodes.

"Thanks, Lucy!" Barold says. "Let's press forward now, quickly!"

"We need to meet up with Rose, she's on the other side of the bridge." Tina says.



As predicted, these two just about manage this.



Nice job, lads. And now, the One Punch Tina herself!



yeah I think she wins this one



"There we go!" Tina grunts. "Ngh, running low on ammo... come on, let's finish this fight before we get overrun!"

"Tina, I'm here. We shall win this together - our combined might is unconquerable." Rose says.

"That's damn right." Tina replies, grinning. "Alright, Rose, impress me!"

"I always do." Rose smiles.



Also I forgot to make a bomber last time. Whoops.

"For my god and liegelord, I shall slay these heathens!" shouts Raynald of Châtillon. Hey, it's been a while, we haven't seen him since the tutorial. (I guess he showed up at the Christmas party but that doesn't really count.)



Just before we end the turn, though, we need to deal with those mechs hanging around on this side of the map. Fred can target this first one pretty handily.



And does a surprising amount of damage to say that the mech was on a mountain. I'm not complaining.



Meanwhile, yet another soldier thinks he can capture this base.



Alfonse proves him wrong.



Arthur heads down to finish.



A pretty clean kill! I was worried I didn't have the firepower for this, but hey, it worked out.



Wow, Tina's situation is worse than I thought. No bazooka at all, and 19 fuel.

We have GOT to finish this map soon, or she'll be a sitting duck.



Speaking of, here's a fun annoyance about Tina's lack of ammo.



Anti-airs will now attack her, since there's no chance of taking counterattack damage.



It's not much damage, but with absolutely no way for Tina to retaliate, it's going to add up.

Luckily, this is why Rose, Lucy and my man Raynald exist.



Another mech begins wandering over the mountains, but Sturm elects not to make anti-airs this time. We've got a good chance to push into his last bastion here.



So, let's do that. Keep moving forward, troops! Except Selena. You can rest. You're a good girl.



Also note that the missile has been steadily regaining HP. We didn't need to target it until the bombers got close, but now they're here, we'd better erase it.



Excellent work, Lloyd. Having the battleship support really helps on this map.



...But Max's indirects are often annoying. God damn it, Max.



Patrick moves down so he might be more useful next turn. The trees are really going to slow him down, though.



Still, with the missiles out of the way, let's go ahead and get rid of these anti-airs to establish BOMBER SUPERIORITY.



Lucy downs the first one. Normally, Tina would be able to take the other one, but...



Thankfully, Rose is fully-stocked and ready to go.



Just girls supporting girls. Beautiful.



Fred, meanwhile, is absolutely ready to ruin this guy's day.



"I am the hero of this side of the battleground!" Fred shouts. "I shall defend it until my dying breath!"

"You're out of ammo, Fred." Cassandra points out.



This mech will be wandering into range soon. Cassandra and Arthur should be enough to deal with him.



Raynald of Châtillon crusades southwards.

I can't use any verb other than 'crusades' to describe Raynald's movements, can I, really?



And his position is immediately filled by Red, our final bomber! Lucy's dad is here to join us. And he is probably drunk.

"Alright, gadies and lentlemen!" slurs Red. "Let's get 'er done!"

"Oh, heavens, daddy. You never change, do you?" Lucy sighs.



Sturm should be shaking in his boots right now. With three bombers and very little to oppose them, we're now at the cleanup point of the map. There's very little threat left.

It's satisfying to break this map wide open, it really is.



A small tank comes to bully Tina some more.



He hurts her feelings a bit but doesn't do very much damage.



Oh, Sturm's made another anti-air, and I think it's out of Lucy's range. How annoying.



Well, let's just move forward anyway.



I don't want to waste my directs' turns on killing this tank when I need to keep moving forward, so Lloyd and Fred will be helping us out here. First, Lloyd...



It really says something about indirects and how good they are when even Max, the guy who's supposed to be bad at indirects, still uses them to great effect in tougher battles.



Now for Patrick.



Well done, Patrick. With the tank gone, we can cautiously advance.



Just before I do that, though, this guy also needs to go. Cassandra!



Yeah, fuck you and your mountain defence. Cassandra cares not for your four defence stars.



Arthur can finish, no problem.



Nice. Whew... we're getting there. Come on, last few units now...



Red advances. We've now got three bombers on the scene, which is probably more than necessary, but hey, I'm not taking chances.



Let's see what Sturm has to say about three bombers.



...Not a lot. The anti-air did waltz into bomber range, though, so nice going, Sturm.



Lloyd, if you would?



Battleships are amazing. I don't know if I've mentioned this frequently enough.



Red can also delete this guy. I could've one-shot him, sure, but may as well give Lloyd something to do.



Nice work, Red.



Raynald of Châtillon crusades over to the medium tank.



“DEUS VULT!” screams Raynald, slamming his fist into the ‘drop a fuckload of bombs’ button.

It was quite effective.



Finally, Lucy goes for the tank.



Yeah, bombers are ridiculous. I love them so much.



Sturm continues to desperately try and hold out, but there really isn't a point.



Day 17, wow. This map does go on for a while.



I continue giving Lloyd something to do.



See! He's being useful! I wonder if Tina can do just enough damage to finish him off-



Oh right. I forgot that infantry don't get bazookas, they get guns. Tina's still got some uses!

That said, I don't want to do this just yet.



Lucy's gonna go for the rockets, since we want to start moving the medium tanks in to help with the cleanup.



And I think they'd prefer not having a horrible rockety death this close to the end of the map.



Fuck 'im up, Rose.



Nice. I must admit, the start of this map is tough, but the satisfaction of just steamrolling the second half with the best units in the game is unmatched.



Red can take out this straggler before he goes any further.



Beautiful. I will never get tired of Max's bombers one-shotting everything ever.



Now Tina can attack - I needed to get Rose and Red out of the way first.



Still contributing, with no fuel and no ammo. What an absolute trooper.



Raynald goes for the last threatening thing on the map.



There we go.



And now if it wasn't for that damn APC, I could've finished the map in 17 days. Ah well. It's pretty much over, whatever Sturm brings out next.



Infantry? Mech?

Useless.





I am stronger than you.





I am smarter than you.



I'm better than you. Finish it, Raynald.



Deus vult, motherfucker.



We can only hope.



Not even close, Sami, I'm sorry.



ARGH JESUS

Warn me before you yell, Grit!



You say this like he's an old friend.



Ah, Junior. The PG version of my nickname for this stupid kid.



Oh, shit, it wasn't the final battle after all. I sure am shocked.



Dammit. Come on, Max, keep up.



I love Grit's dialogue. It's just kind of charming.



Oh, right, important things. OK, OK, I'm hurrying!



I, uh

Why do we care? She drugged and kidnapped us.



Ah, Max has finally caught up. Excellent.

And hey, S rank! I'm impressed with myself. No deaths on the second-to-last map of the game*!

_{*Michael doesn't count and we all fucking know it}



Well, we got some stuff for beating the map, but no time for that! Sonja's in danger, and we apparently care!



Oh hey, it's the ominous mysterious fifth country.



Sonja's found herself the mysterious ???. I don't know why it says that - we know what the dude's called. We just fought him.



Disaster is a pretty valid name, though.



"King Sturm Kaliente..."





Sonja is absurdly overconfident, I love it. Stupid kid.



Sturm, meanwhile, is pretty menacing. Sonja's been set up as the intellectual powerhouse of the plot, but...



She's presented here as not even close to Sturm. It's a pretty good moment for setting him up as a big villain.

If only he didn't look so stupid.



Sonja, incapable of comprehending the idea that somebody is smarter than her, begins to bluescreen.



More generic villain dialogue.



She's not even very good at that. Her maps weren't that hard.



Sonja continues to error 404: comprehension not found.



Yes, that's exactly what he said, Sonja.



- me to myself, at the end of each map



I do like that he directly calls Sonja out on her arrogance. It's a good moment of hubris for Sonja.



OOH HE TURNED YOUR WORDS ON YOU, SONJA

NOW SHIT'S GETTING REAL

That piper's going to be making a fortune.



I imagine that if Advance Wars wasn't PG, this is where Sonja's "Well, fuck." would be.





God damn it, Sonja. We'll come save you.



Yep, yep, I'm on i-

Hm?

My dude!

Oh, hi Nell. What's brought you here? I was just about to move out.

I've received express orders from high command. They say Sturm's too dangerous, and so they don't want ACOs joining the battle. COs only!

What? But... I just beat Sturm! I can do this! Am I seriously not allowed to participate in the next battle?

Mm. I also think that it's a mistake, so I'm going to speak to them directly about it. The army's moving out tomorrow, so I'll let you know when I hear something.

Thanks, Nell. I guess tomorrow's when everything goes down, then... I'll let the army know what's happening. Hopefully Dipshit doesn't lead them all to their deaths tomorrow.

We'll see. Good luck, my dude. I hope everything goes well tomorrow... this foe is much more dangerous than we anticipated.

You can say that again. Alright, Nell, bye. Speak to you tomorrow. _{I miss you.}

Goodbye, my dude. You'll hear from me ASAP. ...I miss you too.

I put the transceiver back in my pocket. Well, that's disappointing, but whatever. I guess it can't be helped. Next time, Dipshit will be going it alone, whilst I hang back at HQ and make fun of him. That should be interesting. Lucy and Michael won the vote for this week's support, so that's another chain complete! Which one's next, folks?

Cassandra and Lucy (1 remaining)

Lucy and Ingo (2 remaining)

Alfonse and Mulligan (1 remaining)

Mulligan and Cassandra (1 remaining)

Lloyd and Elvin (2 remaining)

Howard and Mulligan (2 remaining)

Selena and Alfonse (2 remaining)

***

The Barracks: Lucy and Michael 3

It’s quiet in Lucy’s room. Michael is nervously watching as Lucy carefully and smoothly slides a brush over his nails, painting them a cerulean blue. A few minutes later, she looks up.

“Whew! There we go, Michael - painted nails, perfect for girl’s night tomorrow!”

“Thanks so much, Lucy. It’s been a long while since I painted my nails.” Michael replies. He grins at the painted nails for a few moments longer, until a tear glints in his right eye. He wipes it away, but Lucy has already spotted it.

“Michael? You OK?”

Michael nods. “More than OK. That was a happy tear, Luce.”

“I’m glad!”

“I… really want to thank you.” Michael murmurs. “You know how we were talking about romance the other day?”

“Oh, yeah.” Lucy replies. “Are you comfortable telling me about it?”

“I think so.” Michael says. “The reason that Wilbert and Tina don’t bother me is because, well, I’m asexual. I don’t really feel in the same way other people do.”

Lucy’s eyes widen. “Oh, I see! Oh, gosh, sorry, Michael. I didn’t mean to suggest that you needed love-“

“Hey, it’s OK. I’m not aromantic by any means, but the sexual side of things is just not my cup of tea. I still want to find love, though, you’re right about that.”

“I’ll help you in any way I can, Michael! I owe ya.”

“You owe me?” Michael says. “I owe you, Lucy. After my father and my fellow soldiers at the military academy made fun of all my… less manly pursuits, it’s been really nice to have somebody support that. I’m still a man, but why should that stop me from enjoying effeminate things?”

“Exactly!” Lucy says, eyes shining with excitement. “Painting your nails isn’t ‘girly’, it’s just a way of expressing yourself. The only reason it’s girly is because guys are discouraged from doing it. But you should express yourself in the exact way that you want to!”

“Yeah. You’re exactly right.” Michael replies.

“As for why I owe you,” Lucy says, smiling at him. “Watching Tabitha High with you has been a lot of fun! It’s just good to make friends. And I think you’re a very important friend!”

“Oh, I see.” Michael replies as Lucy hops off the bed, packing up the nail painting kit and placing it into the drawer at her bedside. “You too, of course, Lucy. You’re a very important friend.”

Lucy grins. “Thank you! I try my best. But anyway, shall we get to bed? We have to be up early tomorrow, according to my dude.”

“Oh, yes. I suppose it’s getting late.” Michael replies, walking to the door. “Goodnight, Lucy.”

“Goodnight, Michael!” Lucy says, waving.