Part 2: Chapter TwoChapter Two
When we last left AF3, our protagonist was being stared at by this guy.
The back door, however, is locked. So is the front door, for that matter, so no way to avoid chatting.
That's an Elixir. In case you've forgotten, somehow, it restores one persons HP/MP to max.
And as long as we're on the subject, here's the other crap I've collected so far.
Mountain Dew is a tonic. It cures 50 HP.
Livewire is a potion, which cures 250 HP.
CardBoardBox is a sleeping bag. A one-person tent.
Anyways, let's talk to this dude. Some of the names get a little screwed up in this game before the character's officially named.
Airdisc: Hay guys!
?????BBQ: ...I think... something bad just happened.
Airdisk: What, not good enough for you fairy princess?
FUK U AMERIKKKA!!
Alright, vote time. What should we name this chucklefuck?
Even if I trusted you meatheads to pick an amazing name (which I don't), the way X JAKK built this stupid game was to add letters after every name that didn't fit. This guys name is OMGWTFBBQ, but on menus and in battle he'll be referred to as OMGWTF.
OMGWTFBBQ: You arent very nice, you meany.
Airdisc: muahahaha! You poony tard!
That guy from Pearldriver: Cookie cookie cookie starts with C!!!
Airdisc: Have my ears gone insane? I don't got no damn cookies! No cookies at all!!
Just to put your thoughts to rest, we haven't even begun to broach the outer edges of stupid random shit yet.
Case in point.
When we get into the caves, we fight these dumb things. The first are more instadeaths. They're really prevelant in the beginning of the game.
Here are some treasures that we're not really getting.
are phoenix downs.
Aww, OMGWTFBBQ sleepy.
Todd: Yeth, yeth, yeth! That's it, my dear!
Elproducto: Arrr! You called us this morning, Captain!
AL: I did? Well... umm... did you bring the snacky cakes?
Elproducto: Aye Cap'n!
AL: Excellent... with these snacky cakes... we shall rule the WORLD! Because when you want something yummy...
OMGWTF has weird ass dreams.
Anyways, back at Airdisc's place, we meet a new friend.
THE MOTHER OF ALL WARS HAS BEGUN
This pleasant chap is named Pipebomb. He'll be Pipebo in menus and battles.
Pipebomb: Forum lamer? That's forum SPAMMER to you!
Airdisc: uhh, yeah. Anyway, I told somebody to run into the mines again.
Pipebomb: ...Why in the hell did you do that?!?!?
Airdisc: Do not yell at me for much love!!
Pipebomb: ...sorry. Well, I better go find him then.
Airdisc: Your mom and I. We're gonna have sex.
Obligatory creep stare.
Those are TACOS.
Pibebomb: Oh no, I can't leave without my buddy Superfly!
These...I'm not sure what these are supposed to be. They're Marios right now, but when they change directions...
They turn into other things.
Im gonna rock your chair, grandpa!
You want my autograph or something?
Judgment! Grade C! You are in need of supplementary training!! Well, I see you haven't learned you lesson. Man, I hate a slow learner.
I haven't mentioned it yet, but I'm going to leave almost all grammar and spelling-related issues intact to give you the full effect.
Anyways, commence the obligatory attack against the unconscious OMGWTF.
So let me tell you why I hate Pipebomb.
THROW. No fight command. ONLY THROW.
LOOK AT ALL THE MANY THINGS I CAN THROW.
Pipebomb is a fucking piece of shit and he gets to stay dead for this little adventure.
From his original FAQ:
x JAKK posted:
Q: Why is Pipebomb so weak?
I'm aware that you can steal Pocket weapons from the enemies here, but I've been trained by years of hoarding not to throw real weapons. You never know when you'll need those daggers!
It really doesn't help that his group is terrible, the third mog has a heal rod equipped!
Instead, we'll be using this group, which may or may not contain a future party member .
This is what happens when you let a TACO get close to OMGWTF.
Anyways, here's the group that's facing the enemy leader.
This group rules.
That's one of the...Moogles, for lack of a better term, talking - not Pipebomb.
Pipebomb: Im so fucking underground I haven't heard of myself.
OMGWTFBBQ: ow, my head..
Pipebomb: God damn it, OMGWTFBBQ, quit whining and go mow the lawn!
OMGWTFBBQ: dude what the hell am i doing in this piece
Pipebomb: Hi! My name is capitalization. I don't believe that we have met.
OMGWTFBBQ: Right. Hey, did you dress yourself, or did a retard help you?
Pipebomb: Ouch man. Very ouch.
OMGWTF and Pipebomb join forces and try to reenter town...
Pipebomb: Oh snap, I HATE that guy. Lets just go the other way.
Over here is the Newbie Classroom. I took a shitload of screenshots because these guys say some entertaining things...but if I transcribed every funny, stupid or off-the-wall thing someone said in the game, I would literally type my fingers into knubs. I'm offering a taste of crazy - to get the full effect, you should really play it yourself!
One thing in here worth mentioning is this monster-in-a-box.
Oh, hi again, Fragmaster.
Nice to see you again.
He ended up using Disaster on OMGWTF in this fight. As far as I can tell, all it did was cast Shell on him.
Anyways, it's been fun. Time to get out of...
Canada. It's time to get out of Canada.
Oh yeah, I forgot that Pipebomb can't fight worth a horseshit.