Part 17: Chapter SixteenChapter Sixteen
X Jakk: I'll assume you know how to fly this thing, 'cause I sure as hell don't. I usually just stand at the steering wheel and make engine noises, like this:
X JAKK: Vroom! Vroom!
X JAKK: Nyeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaroooooom...
X JAKK: Vroom! Whoosh!
I think we've got it.
X JAKK: Shall I tell a secret?
X JAKK: Lowtax, Jeff K, Cliff Yablonski and GameQuoter are all hidden in the game. I'm not telling you where. It's a secret.
We may or may not be seeing one of these chracters in this very update. No promises though!!
Anyways, inside the airship, we've got some very important information from our teammates.
EPG: Nobody's really a nihilist. They're just hedonists who like to play with poo and wear black.
Jeddite: I'm celebrating my independence by not wearing any underpants.
OMGWTFBBQ: I once stuck my head inside a cotton candy machine. Trust me, don't do it.
TACO: I SIHNG:LK SOGN EFO YYOI/
Pipebomb: I can't believe it's not buttah!
Ozma: Man, there are a lot of hookers on Mars.
X JAKK: I'm a cool guy. I'm a cool guy. I'm a cool guy. I'M A COOL GUY
I decided to go to Maranda and do the solider-letter quest, but then I didn't see the solider and I figured he was dead. Then I remembered he didn't die until the WoR.
I am not good at games.
I decided instead to head on to Canada...
and for shits and giggles...
This battle went on for about five minutes with frame-skip. Here's me starting the video at about four minutes in.
Here it is!
Honestly was not expecting that.
Canada Guard: We had a helluva time fighting off pirates without you!
Let's go talk to .
Geno: Whatever it you have to say can wait. I'm listening to some bitchin' tunes on my walkman.
Airdisc: I think this might be important dude
Geno: YOU THINK INCORRECTLY SIR
Geno: Fuck, the batteries in my walkman died...
OMGWTFBBQ saunders in.
OMGWTFBBQ: Hey, did you know I'm a Super Saiyan?
Airdisc: "OMGWTFBBQ: Hey did you know I'm a Super Saiyajin?" Fixed lol.
OMGWTFBBQ: What the fuck, man, you the spelling police or something? Get on with it!
Geno: Anyway, I've been bored all week since my Xbox broke. Let's go do something fun.
OMGWTFBBQ: Um, maybe we could go out for some ice cream? I've been craving it for some reason...
Flashback Ozma: Al is going to MURDER EVERYBODY!
OMGWTFBBQ: Oh yeah! Doesn't Al have an Xbox?
Geno: Are you mad? We can't be playing video games with the leader of the pirates! Go steal it from him.
Geno: That's the nice thing about enemies, you can do stuff like that. Oh, by the way, OMGWTFBBQ, you should lead the away team since your SSJ powers might come in handy.
Geno: FOR ADVANCING THE PLOT I MEAN
So we have our new quest: Stealing Al's Xbox.
Airdisc: You want to know where Al's Xbox is?
Let's go pick up Gamequoter. He's been so patient.
I am CLEVER NAME, the FAGOT! I was hoping for some privacy in here!
CLEVER NAME: What is it with you? You want my gay porn or something?
Here's Jeddite, unleashing the BANHAMMER. It's surprisingly unimpressive for a God weapon. Then again, Jeddite is just awful.
CLEVER NAME: Freeze, sucka! Don't move or the gimmick gets it!
Gamequoter: Shoot the hostage! Shoot the hostage!
Spoiler: It's still a Gold Hairpin. It's not even renamed.
Getting the hairpin instead of the Gold Hairpin results in this:
Gamequoter: No...to meet such a fate! But I'll be back...you jerks!
But that's boring soooo
Holy shit! It's...
Gamequoter: Good job! The country's in good hands with you!
CLEVER NAME: ...fuck
He falls. See in you in future-Canada, dude.
Gamequoter: It's been real, but I'm a superhero and I must find the others!
On the airship, he says:
Gamequoter: Another goal! England is on fire now! Too awesome! England! They're white hot!
Before heading off to Al's Xbox, we stop by Tzen.
Unnamed Dude: I found a yiff token encrusted with semen on the bathroom floor on the way out. For 3000 bux you can have it.
We bought it and now possess the Jigglypuff Yiff Token.
Let's get on with the plot.
Is this really where Al's Xbox is?
OMGWTFBBQ: I'M THE LEADER AND I SAY IT'S HERE. Now SHUT UP and follow orders.
Not a ton to say about this place. We found the Seppoku in a box near the entrance...
And I think Isnoop would happy to see it if he ever actually attacked instead of Shocking. It's nice to know it's there if he needs it. You can see from the description that X JAKK didn't bother to update the description from it's prior usage.
Heard a distant sounds...DURR, MAYBE A SECRET PASSAGE OPENED
This guy murdered my team viciously. X JAKK needed to God mode him to actually win this fight. By the way GameQuoter mimics which is alright but not that awesome so don't get used to seeing him in battles after this.
Whatever dude WHO WANTS TO SEE SOME COSPLAYERS
We also found the Atma Weapon.
Is this where the Xbox is?
X JAKK: LOL! Xbox is HUEG!
Oh, hey REoL.
OMGWTFBBQ: We're INSIDE Al's Xbox!
K...King REoL!! You followed us!
King REoL: You've all been very helpful, Captain Obvious's contribution aside. Al sent me to...mod this Xbox, in a way.
King REoL: I needed someone to fight all the random battles for me. It is pretty dusty in here, don'tcha know.
We're gonna kick your ass!
King REoL: I've got WORK to do here! But if you insist, I'll smear you queers!
Smack King REoL a good one! That bastard deserves it!
We do. Also, he manages to poison GameQuoter because I took wayyyy too long deciding how to end the fight.
King REoL: YOU EEDIOT!
King REoL: You put a damn hole in the CPU!
A bunch of awful things fly out.
King REoL: FFFFURRIES?!?
More fly out, blowing REoL away.
King REoL: Oh no!
What were furries doing there anyway?
Must've been an infestation...
OMGWTFBBQ: We must find those furries, and destroy them!
So I guess there are furries and there are cosplayers. I have no idea what the ingame difference is between them.
OMGWTFBBQ: Motherfucking flying furries have escaped from Al's Xbox!
Have my ears gone insane?
OMGWTFBBQ: I ain't shitting you! They came out of fucking nowhere!
You know what we must do...for the sake of humanity...
We climb aboard the ship and soar into the air.
There they are!
OMGWTFBBQ: In the distance...they're swarming...
Pipebomb: What else can your apparent super-vision tell us?
OMGWTFBBQ: They were...yiffing...
Pipebomb: That ain't good.
Pipebomb: Oh shit! A furry! Quick! Pretend like you're one of them!
X JAKK: What are you two doing?
Pipebomb: X JAKK, get down!
Get back in your Yiff Token, Sailor Moon
Pipebomb: Where's the party and why wasn't I invited?
OMGWTFBBQ: Don't even joke about that.
Pipebomb: Sorry 'bout that.
OMGWTFBBQ: Pipebomb...you're fucking sick.
X JAKK: Is it just me, or is this airship about to crash and kill us all?
EPG: Uh... X JAKK...
EPG: We're about to crash!