Part 30: Chapter Twenty-EightChapter Twenty-eight
Alright, it's time to finish this.
X JAKK: Can I use a spoon?
Fistgrrl: Guys, we're about to take on the ultimate evil here...
X JAKK: ...but I can dig in there with a spoon, right? Right?
EPG: I DO NOT CARE TO LISTEN TO YOU BABBLING SWINES.
Fistgrrl: Guys...giant tower...evil...c'mon...
GeekTheMage: I have a spatula!
EPG: Our offer stands!
Fistgrrl: Urrgh...fine...but you have to do it on OMGWTFBBQ first...
OMG can't catch a break around here, I swear.
I was going to do this, until I remembered everyone had a line at the end.
So I did this instead. It really doesn't matter - I forgot to save state and loaded an earlier state about 10 minutes in, so I had to redo the parties anyways.
Divide into 3 groups. Use the Y Button to switch between them.
Now why didn't JAKK change THAT line?
Anyways, you've all seen this place before, and if you haven't, go educate yourself with one of the wonderful FF3/FF6 LP's on the archive. I've got bigger fish to fry.
CamelSpidr: the rabbits over there, are bouncing in the heat - let us do the same.
CamelSpidr: The pinnacle of my desire requires a sheath. You'll do for now.
Guess who forgot to equip everyone?
Isnoop's group hadn't done anything of consequence yet.
No idea what JAKK's group's doing split up like that. Doesn't matter cause he died.
bbchops: THE BEST OF LUCK! THE BEST OF LUCK! YOU FUCKING CUNT!
Only one more dragon to go!
That's not a dragon you silly dog!
THAT'S a dragon!
Congrats dude. I hereby certify you are lacking of a real life.
Received the power of Taylor "Pyschosis" Bell
So now Al's Cock, Sam Jain and the eight idiot kings are dead. We've accomplished something here today, folks.
I did not set these groups up well at all.
Though this battle turned out fine.
I guess GameQuoter hadn't learned Love Senata yet.
This fight, for whatever reason, didn't go well. You'd think a party member with an instant kill attack would have an easier time killing a boss.
So here's a fun bug. Using the Godweapons makes the party members get blown back because "the sheer awesomeness of it knocks them back" or something along those lines. Fistgrrl hit him so many times that she actually looped around to the other side of the screen.
A WAY TO LIVE?
CyberLowtax dropped this. You can metamorph Ricequeen's weapon, BondageQueen, from the enemies in the room before this one but fuck Ricequeen and fuck metamorph it is an awful ability.
With that being said, and with everything else important done and done...
Let's go visit an old friend.
This will redeem you.
This will set you free.
King REoL: REoL Tough has been around at least half the lifetime of a high school student!
REoL tosses OMG into the air, followed by Pipebomb.
King REoL: REoL Tough originally started 1 month after Kurt Cobain killed himself! Yep! Still alive! Still going! Planning for the future!
Jeddite moves forward. Why him is beyond me.
Jeddite: What in the hell are you yammering on about?!
King REoL: Still going, but this 10 year thing and preparations are eating lots of time!
OMGWTFBBQ: FOR THE LOVE OF HOLY FUCK NOBODY GIVES HALF A FUCKING SHIT ABOUT YOU, LOSER!!
King REoL: W...wha?
OMGWTFBBQ: YOU STUPID LITTLE MIDGET!
OMG hops down to join the others.
OMGWTFBBQ: Jesus loves everyone, except you. It's in the bible.
Pipebomb: You are a little turd with several big turds on your head.
Jeddite: You are a fat lying bag of hell.
Isnoop: If I was pregnant with your child, I would abort it onto your face.
EPG: You remind me of the burro who licked the poop of another bigger burro.
Ozma: You get too much attention and should burn in hell with Dale Earnhardt.
Fistgrrl: My rear end is really stretched out, can we wait?
I don't think Fistgrrl's on the same page here.
GeekTheMage: I'll take a shit on you if you don't shut it.
Ricequeen: You enjoy pie and funneling hot tar up your ass with a traffic cone.
X JAKKK: Your name is Casper, and you're the faggot, faggot
Gamequoter: If a dopey kid or a little girl can beat me, I'll eat my hat.
Even the third to last thing TACO says is leaps and bounds above everyone else.
King REoL: You...don't like me?
King REoL: YOU DON'T WANT TO BE MY FRIEND??
King REoL: THEN I SHALL SMITE YOU!!!
Our Group: Your aim is almost as pathetic as your genitals.
King REoL: Stop that! Only I can do that!
King REoL: NOOO! STOP DOING THAT OR I SHALL SMITE YOU!
This is the group I had planned for this battle, but in the end it didn't really matter much because this battle is just terrible.
Here's a video of the action! It's THE END!
This battle is by far the hardest in the game.
Though not this guy in particular.
This guy isn't particuarly difficult either.
Until, of course, you destroy them all. I'm not sure which portion of the second form casts Dispel, but it completely fucks any plans you might have to win.
I've specifically refrained from mentioning TCC until this very moment because it's entirely possible the spell will end making the battle, and as such the game, unwinnable. It replaces Dispel and is designed to fuck you up. I have no idea what it did to the party on the first attempt at the video, and as you'll see from the second part...
If you skipped the video (and I can't say I blame you), you should at least skip forward to 06:35 so you can watch TACO jump on the third form while wearing Magitek.
I got lucky, most times it removes all of the commands except for Magitek, or sometimes it only lets you use magic, or sometimes you don't get commands at all. Isnoop being able to use shock was not a normal circumstance. It's both incredibly entertaining and extremely frustrating at the same time.
King REoL: I hate you guys so much...
King REoL: I tried to be nice...but you just made fun of me...
King REoL: Well, now it's time...to get REoL TOUGH ON TERRORISM
As long as TCC doesn't fuck you over too badly, King REoL isn't too tough. He does the whole Sadness/Havok wing thing...
But you can just smack him until he initiates stage 5...
He'll use Ultima and the other renamed attack that I can't remember right now but it doesn't matter because he's dead.
Of course, if that all seems annoying to you, there's always Option B, which is a much better way of doing things.
So that's it. Here's a video of the finale, which I highly advise you watch at least three times.
Fistgrrl: I hate you guys...really.
Fistgrrl: The intarnet machine is gone, so wrongness is dying.
'it's been real guys. we're going home, cya.'
OMGWTFBBQ: Oh no, I am a wrong!
OMGWTFBBQ: I don't wanna be right! WAAH!
Jeddite: What the fuck do I look like, your babysitter?
Jeddite: That's my little Save Your Worthless Ass dance, cause that's what I did.
Jeddite...I'm kind of indifferent towards you. Kinda boring in both gameplay and plot, so you were mostly ignored. I'm sorry things didn't turn out better for you.
X JAKK as...
X JAKK: oopsie
X JAKK: Don't worry, I'll just try these other buttons, guys...
Oh, X JAKK. I was uneasy about you in the beginning, but your instant boss-killing techniques won me over. You were a card-carrying member of Team Awesome, never forget that.
Ozma: OH MY GOD LOOK AT THE SHINY I FOUND! Can I keep it?
EPG: No you can't keep it, you stupid thing. You throw it back now!
Ozma: Aww, I hate you, El Pinto.
Ozma, you were great. Paired with TACO, you gave me some of my favorite dialogue.
EPG...eh. Not so much.
Gamequoter: Bad Ending: Try Again With A Friend
I have nothing good or bad to say about you, GQ. You were just kinda there!
Fistgrrl: Oh no!! And I'm only 2 days away from retirement!
JEFF K: u losrz I show yu alll WALLHAXX
When I play the game normally, I actually enjoy playing with Umuro (and as such, JEFF@K) a lot. I didn't get to show him off a lot in this LP because I wanted to get as much dialogue as possible, but I like this little guy.
Lowtax: The dance floor is my domain...prepare for your defeat, you swine person.
Same as JEFF@K, except less-so.
Pretty sure my love of TACO needs no words.
I think I'm going to miss him the most.
EPG: Dude, you dropped your litle thing there...
Fistgrrl: Don't worry you guys, I got it! OH SHI
Pipebomb: Now stop playing, we'll be late for the ball!
Pipebomb grew on me. I wouldn't say I love him now or anything, but he's not the cockface I thought he was at the beginning of the game.
As for Fistgrrl, she's always been one of my favorites...though, gameplay-wise, she took a hit for dancing instead of runicing.
Now, as you might have guessed, this is the part of the finale where the text fucks up and neither X JAKK nor I have any idea of how to make it work. So I'm just going to make up dialogue that I think would be appropriate.
Brak: OMG i am your father, lol, time to cut off your arm
Brak: Seriously though we're outs. gonna see you at yiffcon, dude?
Brak: me and ms maynard are gonna dress up like inuyasha and that girl from inuyasha, and oh shit gotta go bye
I felt bad for OMGWTFBBQ. He kept getting all the shit!
Ricequeen: Goddamn, you're more worthless than the translation 'helpers' I got off of Microsoft Comic Chat!!
GeekTheMage: Sorry. So, as long as we're alone, I've been meaning to ask...are you really are a guy or a girl?
Ricequeen: Wouldn't you like to know! Not being able to tell the difference between gender is an important part of every doujinshi!
Ricequeen: After all, if I were to fall in love with someone, it would be hilarious if it were the 'wrong' sex! COMEDY!
GeekTheMage: We're friends, can't you tell me?
Ricequeen: Are we planning on being more than friends?
GeekTheMage: Um, no.
Ricequeen: Then remind me to tell you later!
I hate you Ricequeen and GTM too I hate you both so much
Isnoop: STOP FOLLOWING ME! I've told you to leave me alone a million times!
Isnoop: Look, just because I fucked your mom once does NOT make me your daddy! Get out of here!
Isnoop: I mean, guys can't have puppies, right...?
Only slightly less awesome then TACO. Team Awesome was made better because of him.
GeekTheMage: I can't take this shit anymore!! I'm going to hang myself!!!
GeekTheMage: Noooo! Let me die!
GeekTheMage: CRAWLING IN MY SKIN
I reiterate that I hate you
Part 2 video!
OMGWTFBBQ: Stop blowing those up, I need them to fly!!
Fistgrrl: oops, sorry.
Cliffy B: Greetings, friends!
The stupid kids look around.
Cliffy B: I understand somebody wants...ice cream?
Cliffy B: Don't be sad, guys. Ice cream and parties to everybody!
Fistgrrl: Who the hell was that?!
OMGWTFBBQ: Yeah, and now we all get to have ice cream!
X JAKK: You fucking touch it and I'll toss you into the ocean!
So, yeah, that's the end guys. It's been a fun ride, but all good things have to end eventually. So does this, for that matter.
I highly suggest you play this shitty game yourselves. It's pretty fun, and I cut out a whole lot of shit simply because there was too much shit. Not nearly enough room for all the shit there is here! Some good gems, too! Go play it! It's free! DO IT
None of this is changed so I'm skipping it.
Aww, the kids finally got some ice cream!
Aww, OMG is king of the w
OH WHAT THE FUCK X JAKK
A NWS image 10 seconds before the end of the LP? It's just like old times!
It's been fun, guys. Bye.