Part 71: Episode LXV (Part 1): Serge and the Abominable Thing That Came From Hermit's HideawayEpisode LXV (Part 1): Serge and the Abominable Thing That Came From Hermit's Hideaway
Music: Home Arni Village
"What, mom!? What?! I don't care if it's past noon again and I don't care if that fire crotch Leena has been throwing a bitch fit! I am trying to sleep!"
"Serge, some of your friends are here to see you, honey."
"I just told you to tell Leena to go jump in a friggin' lake."
"It's not Leena, sweetie. It is... What did you say your name was, dear?"
"I hate my life..."
"What...? What is it?!"
"What do you think you are doing, Serge?"
"Well, I *was* sleeping. It was quite nice. I didn't wake up to a bed full of shed hair for once."
"WE NEED TO FINISH WHAT WE STARTED, SERGE."
"Let's see... I got my body back... and... Yep. I think that was everything I needed."
"We still need to proceed to the Sea of Eden and stop Lynx."
"Stop Lynx from doing...what exactly? What? I honestly have absolutely no idea why I should give a crap about that prick anymore. Not a clue! Zoah, do you know?"
"HE IS A BAD MAN!"
"...Why do I even talk to you?"
"I AM A GOOD LISTENER."
"Howabout you, parachute pants? Do you know?"
"He is obviously up to no good. That much is evident..."
"So no... Nobody knows. You know what happened the last time I went chasing after that jerkface for no real reason? I was a friggin' CAT for a month! I'm not too eager to go get turned into a dolphin man next or whatever the hell. I just want to get baked, find a nice shady spot on the beach, and put all this behind me... Is that so much to ask...?"
"Serge, honey. If you're not going out tonight, could you help me with Leon?"
"My new little friend, Leon. You remember, Serge."
"Aww geez, mom.... Another friggin' cat? Did you miss the part where I WAS a cat? Maybe that was a sign to slow down on the feline adoptions.?"
"Oh, don't be silly, hon. There's enough love here to go around!"
"So, sweetheart. Will you help me fix him up?"
"Uhh...fix him up? What like give him a bath?"
"Don't be silly, Serge."
"I don't follow."
"You know, sweet pea. Snippity-snap!"
"Don't want any surprise bundles of joy if we can help it. Hehe."
"I FIND THIS SUBJECT UNCOMFORTABLE."
"Yeah, about that, Mom..."
Music: On the Beach of Dreams ~ Another World
Alright, back to business. You'll recall Steena mentioned some Divine Dragon Falls joint that holds the legendary titular seventh element, the Chrono Cross. Turns out this holy dragon locale is at the waterfall just outside Arni Village. Indeed, we could have visited here way back when we first hit the world map of either dimension. But, there had been really nothing to do there up until now.
We've actually seen this place before. It was the lazily used set piece for where a young Radius murdered the shit out of Garai with the Masamune. There is no trace of the Masamune to be found here now. No, just some demi-humans saying how humans are such jerks because they moved in to El Nido and didn't follow their hippie pagan beliefs. I've got to say, demi-humans are kind of whiny little cunts, to be honest. At the very least, one of the the most passive-aggressive [sub]not very much at all[sub] oppressed fantasy minority races I've encountered.
I've got to admit this is a pretty creepy ass cave. I'm sure nothing ill will result from calling forth some sealed forbidden seventh element from a cavern full of screaming demonic faces with burning eyes.
The final chamber with these dual-pedestals only exists in Another World. It's just an empty watering hole in Home World. There are also 95% less scary Lovecraftian horror busts lining the stonework.
"The sacrarium of the Divine Dragon Falls still exists...and it seems functional! It's just as the legends of old said it would be! What a blessing!"
"Let's just assume for a minute that I'm a bit behind on my spooky dragon shrine water fountain lore..."
"Utilizing its power, we just may be able to create the 'Chrono Cross' here!"
"Cool...? And how do we do that...?"
"Try placing the two pieces of the Dragon Tear... The Tear of Hate and the Tear of Love...on these stands."
"I swear to God if I turn it a giant insect or some crap, I am going to lob an apple into your back."
Placing either one of the shards of the Dragon's Tear on the altar will cause it to glow and rise into the air aaaaaand...
...immediately fizzle out into nothingness.
"I know that we need the six Dragon Relics that offer up divine supplication... Could 'that' legend be true... Is there a seventh dragon, and a seventh Element...!?!"
"Oh, COME ON! More dragons? Really?! Six wasn't enough!?"
<groans> "I knew this was gonna be stupid..."
Oh well. We'll have to postpone obtaining the ultimate plot MacGuffin for a later date. For now, let's recruit the final two party members of Chrono Cross. The first is simple enough. We just need to head back to Another Guldove and make a beeline to the bar.
"Is Doc still giving you those pain drugs? I know you took a decent beating but..."
"The medicine Dr. Doc gives me makes me miss my sister less."
Orlha is a pretty damn good character. But, I really cannot understand the reasoning behind deciding a pigtailed waitress ought to be the final proper character in the game.
Now, it is time for the very last party member of Chrono Cross and indeed the very most retarded. There are two prerequisites for this one, as he's a fairly esoteric bugger to obtain.
Firstly, Serge/Lynx must take a trip at some point to Hermit's Hideaway in Another World (the one Harle burnt down.) There is a small patch of earth that Serge will note is particularly hot. There, he must use the minty cool breath bestowed by the Water Dragon on the scorched earth to cool it down.
Then, he must travel to Home World's Hermit Hideaway with, and here's the kicker, fucking Poshul of all things. Yes, you need the second most retarded character in the game in order to obtain its successor in terrible design. The reasoning behind the two worst characters being the potential first and last obtained is also a bit mystifying...
Now, in the same spot in the alternate dimension a vegetable-like thing has sprouted from the ground. Serge can beat up a half dozen deities. But, pulling off a move Toad can do in Mario Brothers 2? No dice.
This is where Poshul comes into play...
"And there it is. The last line you will ever utter in this adventure!"
Poshul will dig and yank on the thing a bit and out will pop...
Turnip Official Art - WHAT?!?!
Okay, so this isn't really a vote. But, I'm not making a new banner for fucking Turnip. Here's the deal: I hate this thing. It is beyond retarded, I am never using it, so you jerks get to name this one and only character at the layer of dirty beneath the bottom of the barrel.
Some ground rules:
- Chrono Cross has a strict six-character limit! 1-2-3-4-5-6! So, do not post anything above six characters you git!
- BOLD your suggestion or I won't acknowledge it.
- No we're not naming him dongs, boner, or anything having to deal with genitals or the like, you unfunny faggot. Don't suggest anything like that. Also, don't suggest faggot because we already had a Cranny Faggot not too long ago and we don't need an overload of that business.
- You are limited to one suggestion or you get none.
Do we have an understanding? Good.