Part 15: Episode XIV: NBA Jam (Backyard)
Episode XIV: NBA Jam (Backyard)
When last we left our heroine, she'd just completed the world's most pointless set of backtracking. With that said, let's continue...
Alyssa finds herself in the backyard of the house, which leads to a second, smaller house up a flight of stairs.
I'd say Dorothy and Albert have some nice digs. But, then I notice their household sits right next to a sewer level, and I know all too well what that does for property value.
Alyssa busts into the nearby overly large workshop or whatever the hell this place is supposed to be and gets to work rummaging around others' belongings.
Our heroine's quest to lay to rest the wayward souls, defeat evil, and reunite with her mother is put on a brief hiatus as she decides to dick around with children's toys.
It really is nice of these ghosts to re-enact their horrific deaths just for the benefit of the plot.
Dorothy materializes at the door. Albert soon follows suit.
"I lock you in your room out of love, mother. And I'd love it if you'd bleedin' stay in there."
"And I told YOU that you don't need to be worried about me. Why, back in my day people were lucky to even have two eyes. Your father, God rest his soul, didn't even have eyes and he still never missed a day of work! Your old mother may have dicky eyes,"
"Mom, you're not fucking blind. You just have your eyes closed."
"What's that? Oh, good lord, Albert! It's miracle! I can see!"
"Can you see that door over there? The one in the corner?"
"Yes darling! I can see!"
"Good, now use it."
"In good time..."
"Anyway, what is it you're making this time? You're 35 and still living at home. What are you doing with your life? Your father, God rest his Cyclops soul."
"I thought you said he didn't have eyes..."
"He got better! Now, your father. He moved out when he was eleven years old and joined the military."
"Mom, that's not even pos-"
"And he made a man out of himself! What are you doing with your time? Tinkering with toys like a man-child? Making something that won't pay the bills? Some new toy that'll have the local kids agog, I'll bet. Children's laughter doesn't pay keep the electricity on."
"I'm not making any toys. I'm out of lead paint. Now, listen."
"A carpet? Get that off me! I'm allergic to wool! Your father would never waste his time making a carpet. This is a new low, Albert. At least toys might have the slightest of chance to entertain children before they return to the telly. What's a carpet going to do? Get mud on it when people wipe their feet at the door. Your father is spinning in his grave right now. Is that how you expect to keep the electricity on? Have him spin fast enough to harness the power? Maybe you're on to something. At this rate you'll power the town for a month."
"At least my back won't be shivering. Get back to me when you have the rest covered. Or be a man, like your father, and go out into the woods and cut down a tree or two for fire wood."
"Mom, we're in the middle of the city."
"Your father still would have managed!"
"How did you ever find the time in your busy schedule? Lazy bum."
<sigh> "Lord, take me now..."
"Well, now that I think about it. It's lovely. So warm and soft. Thank you, thank you so much."
"No, of course not, you ingrate. It's itchy and look, there's a big hole in the threading."
"I thought you were blind."
"Not to poor craftsmanship!"
"John, is that you? Now, your cousin. There's a real man, Albert. Dedicated to his work. Always lively. Not stuck in some dreary shack fiddling with tinker-toys."
"You are in violation, citizen."
"And not the good kinda sick. Like the morning after a rough night of booze and sex and a few homicides. I'm talking the sick like finding a roach in your cereal box. Speaking of which, Al. You've got something on your face."
"Do I? Where? Can you get it off?"
"It's hard to get ugly off someone's face, but I'll give it a shot. Wahaha!"
"You see, Albert? John is always willing to help out someone in need and still get on with his work."
"You've got that right, Aunt Dorothy. I just about to head off. I'm a door-to-door salesman, you see."
"Oh, that's lovely. Do you have any products I might be interested in, before you go?"
"Well, now that you mention it, I do have a bargain sale on..."
"Warm glasses of shut the fuck up!"
"This saving Dorothy and Albert thing is not going well..."
"For a limited time only, I've also got a senior citizen discount on club to the face! Wahaha!"
"And act now and you could be a proud owner of my enhanced cleaning brew. Let me give you a demonstration. Marvel as your old ass grinded along this table polishes the wood to a mirror sheen."
"Get away from my toys! You're messing them up. They took a lot of time to make. You're ruining them. Gosh!"
"Sir! Sign up for our service package now and you will be eligible for our awesome long term benefits package."
"W-What? Benefits? What does that entail?"
"Frequent flyer miles! Wahaha!"
"Wahaha! I am loving this shit!"
"Hey, Al. Seems like you're into toys, huh? I bet you're a fan of games, too? Am I right? I've got a marvelous one that I invented."
"Though, I need help on naming it before I can market the idea."
"The working title is 'Dumping Old People Into Acid'. It's a jolly good time. Sure to burn through all your expectations. Not recommended for children seven and under. Unless it's hilarious. Which it is. Wahahaha!"
Dorothy's scarf carpet thing ignores the laws of gravity and drifts like a piece of paper in the wind down into the sewers.
Meanwhile, Alyssa advances from her hiding spot. Not wanting to miss out on the show.
"I get the feeling you don't like my game. It's a shame and I am disappointed. However, I realize it's not for everyone."
"Ever played basketball?"
"What?! No. Why are you doing this?!"
"But, you're familiar with the sport, yes?"
"What? Sure. What does this have to do with anything? My mother is burning alive!"
"Good. Good. I enjoy basketball. I'll give you a few pointers. For instance, this move is called..."
"The Slam Dunk! Boom-shakalaka!"
"Blargh! But I'm already blind! Harghaf!"
"Good! My plan is working then."
"I'm not sure how either of you managed to turn right side up after going being dunked headfirst into a steel drum."
"But, I'm confident the solution is more acid. Nice doing business with you. Wahahahaha!"
"Miss! Have you come to see my fabulous ware?! We're having a fabulous promotion this week only."
"I could recommend a fantastic lotion, if you're interested. It's a mere three easy payments of £19.99! What do you say? It's sure to burn away any wrinkles or unsightly scars, with a money back guarantee."
"I'll pass, thanks."
"Oh? Found a better price elsewhere? I offer price matching, guaranteed!"
"I'm just loyal to this brand. Sorry."
"I'm sorry to hear that. I'll never reach my monthly quota at this week. Unfortunately thing that you'll seldom have return customers in this business. What with the murder and all."
"I still love it!"
Alyssa chunks that sonuvabitch!
"Oh? Some stick ball. I'm game. I'll have to show you my newly invented game later. I'm trying to think of a name for i-"
"...It really is better than what I'm offering."
Tune in next time for:
A clock tower.
Corroder Intro Cutscene
Chemical Evasion Sequence