Part 5: Ledgers
wherein Count Yorrik develops a slight case of Pixelface
The following disconnected scrawlings were found in the margins of Count Yorrik's ledger after his passing. As this is the closest thing the rather antisocial Yorrik kept to a diary, or to speaking about his past, it shall have to do as our memory of his reign.
Financials essential. County run poorly in past, must focus on urban development.
Sent dad on trip to Egypt, one way. Received frequent letters from him regarding technological innovations. Very worthwhile.
Further heresy, but was given an idea by the frequency of heretical converts in this region. Catholicism is on the decline; Brittany, Hungary and Crotia have already renounced the Church. Possible long term scheme available.
Council incompetent. Will need to train new staff. Best way to train children. Will probably require wife.
Real focus needs to be personal wealth. Only way to make changes in this kingdom, as mother discovered.
Appointed Steward for enemy dynasty. Bad employer, good pay. Will accept.
- Try not to pay too much attention to arm hook.
- Word for female bastard is still bastard, not 'bitch'.
- Name pronounced 'you-are'. Avoid trying to pronounce last name.
Put in charge of horses for some reason. Selling surplus for steak.
Discovered new method for taxing church.
Duke asked me if I was going to betray him like my mother and grandfather betrayed him.
- SAY NO
Pope decided to invade Egypt. Decided to go, say hello to dad, thank him for all the blueprints.
TO ANY DESCENDANTS WHO MAY BE READING THIS
- Do not go to Jerusalem
- Do not go to Jerusalem wearing warm clothes
- Do not go to Jerusalem with only 500 men to back you up
- Dad is an unappreciative jerk
surrounded by muslims
yep still more muslims
surrounded by sand
i want the muslims back
jerusalem is more violent than the pope lead me to believe
Took a trade ship back home. Crusade poorly organised. Pretty sure Jesus was too smart to be born anywhere with that many Muslims.
Sister told me she likes girls. Apparently now it's my job to go find her a girlfriend.
Found a girlfriend for my sister. Couldn't find a priest willing to marry the two of them though. Shouldn't have banished that one heretic bishop.
Guess they will just have to live in sin.
Ylving dynasts tried to revolt. Just as well king was too
Discovered the revolt was because the duke was a heretic.
1. AUGUST: VISIT DUNGEONS OF KING VLADEMAR
- see if Torgils knows a priest heretical enough to marry my sister
- enlist cheap prison labour
meteor obliterates cow
- turned meteor into sword
- turned cow into steak
New Duke of Slesvig not Ylving. Only one Ylving Duke left, though four Ylving Counts.
- northeast of country entirely heretic.
Going about this wrong. Sent letter to the Pope R.E. my sister.
Received response from the Pope!
"I, Pope Felix IV, hereby grant my blessing for Sofie to marry Dorian."
He misspelled Dora's name, but I'm not going to bother him about this. Court chaplain couldn't contradict the Pope, so he finally married my sister and her lady friend. Hopefully now some peace.
PLAN FOR NEXT CRUSADE
- Use meteor sword
- Research landing spots that aren't infested by muslims and/or sand.
Heretic noble left Kingdom of Denmark. Not exactly a long term thinker, I see.
Note to self: Re-tile roof
Note to self: Fix son
- Duke Bjorn, who I am beholden to, only has one son and heir
- Unlikely to have another given his prison time
- Next in line for his title is a heretic
- Can seize heretical territory with far less concern than normally
EXPLODE GOTFRIED WITH ENORMOUS PILE OF COW SHIT
WAIT FOR BJORN TO DIE
REVOLT AGAINST HERETIC, SEIZE LAND AND TITLES
[This page is devoted entirely to charts and graphs showing the market prices of cow shit and the vendors with the most attractive prices]
Note: Lowest prices not guarantee of discretion.
New castle finally developed. Discovery: Current Gavelkind succession laws will mean that my heir will not be able to hold onto it as well as the county title; one will go to my second-born son. Unfortunately, current legal and social ramifications prevent me from changing the law to primogeniture.
While the heretic count was absorbed by Sweden, we conquered a tribal chief, so zero sum game.
King kept title for himself. Unlikely to distribute a county to me unless I hold a ducal title. Hope Duke Bjorn dies soon.
9AM-11AM: Oversee province development
11AM-12PM: Manipulate hick locals out of blood feud
Note: encourage a policy of genetic diversification amongst local farmers, systemic inbreeding could lead to lowered land productivity.
Discovery: Idiots are suspectable to flattery.
Discovery: Senseless platitudes actually work (?!? - research further)
Note: I think I stole this line from the children's book I was reading to my son the other day.
It worked just as well in reality. Stupid people = ordinary children?
No tournament prize money. WASTE OF TIME
Count Yorrik was later discovered asleep on the desk where he spent all his time; he never woke up. Nobody really knew much about this enigmatic, almost robotic man, but he left Fyn in excellent financial shape, with three strong sons to carry on after him:
Count Rolf was very much his father's son; shy but pious and a financial genius.
Uffe took after his mother, and was as sharp as a razor. He was much more outgoing and combative than either of his brothers.
Poul was the spitting image of Rolf, and so alike in mannerisms it was almost impossible to tell them apart.
- 1 County
- 3 Vassals
- 200 Ducats
- Qualified Council Staff
- 1 Jesus
- A country filled with Heretics
QUESTION TO THE AUDIENCE:
King Vlademar is currently waging a holy war against some of the pagans to the south of Denmark. Count Yorrik's plan has left us in a good position to seize Bjorn's Duchy after his death, but following that it's an open question if we seek to expand within the realm or take the fight to the pagans ourselves