Part 3: Episode III: FUCK YOU SPOOKY
Episode III: FUCK YOU SPOOKYWhen last we left our heroes, they had just found out that they weren't allowed to just go in and steal the Tidalbell from the king of the Oaisis.
But first, we step out for some fresh air and...
Taileater!
TAILEATER
Type: Bug
Learns: IceSlash PoisonGas Radiant
I used to think these things were rare, but it turned out they only appear on the lower squares of the map. derp. Either way, it is the most badass thing we've yet encountered, thus we will name it the suitably epic name Jones!
Success. Most monsters from this point in the game require at least a bit of jerky before joining you. That's right, the game will give you a free spotslime or similar, but after that you're on your own.
Also, you can only have three monsters in your party at a time so you have to send one home if you want to add a new one into your party.
When I say that Taileater is the most badass thing we've yet encountered, that was because I encountered Jones before I encountered this guy.
DARGON
CRESTPENT
Type: Dragon
Learns: StopSpell BeDragon PoisonHit
We finally have a dragon! It's not really that impressive of a monster overall, but fuck it, it's a Dragon. We'll name it Ctulu, since it looks a bit like a tentacle I guess.
Banan and Water were both sent home in this exercise in catching new monsters, because screw 'em.
Let's talk to the king.
King of the Sand: …from the circus! Good show!
hurr.
King of the Sand: You wish to see our treasures? You're quite sharp to have an eye out for treasures, I must say… I see, this is what we'll do. I'll help you if you help me. I inherited the throne from my father, who was a great King. But my rule has been beset by one disaster after another. No one listens to my orders now… will you find what concerns my people may have?
Yes, MOM.
If you're in a hurry, this woman is the one who will actually tell you her troubles.
Well Woman: You'll tell the King for me? Then listen, the well's almost dry. Could the King do anything about it?
Somehow I doubt he will, but back to the King!
King of the Sand: …concerns my people may have? What? The well is running dry? I will order my men to raise the flow of water into the canal. Guards! Duke! Anyone?
Glad he knows where everyone is.
King of the Sand: …villiage of Kalka, isn't that right? Send someone to Kalka and have the manager open the canal gate more!
Guard/Duke/Anyone: King, may I remind you… If this was done, the oasis will become drained immediately.
Gee, maybe your own problem solving skills is what's plaguing your kingship, dude.
King of the Sand: I'll go to Kalka and check myself!
And then he runs off. Back to Kalka.
Also of note: He had to ask the Guard/Duke/Anyone if Kalka managed the Well. There are only two villages in the entire kingdom. This guy is a few Slibs short of a farm.
The well!
Beardo: The oasis will run dry if we did! That's an order I simply cannot accept, King or no King.
King of the Sand: I want to know why the water is gone! Fine, I'll go find out myself!
Ya think?
Welcome to the bottom of the well! We'll find a couple of new friends down here.
GIANTWORM
Type: Bug
Learns: BeastCut OddDance StepGuard
As you can tell from my username, I'm partial to worms. Unfortunately this guy, like most bug monsters, really kind of sucks. Sorry Bruce, you'll be bred into something much better though. He learns the eventually indespensible Stepguard ability which prevents damage from damaging floor tiles, so he'll be an invaluble part of the breeding tree eventually.
MADCANDLE
Type: Material
Learns: Blaze PsycheUp Whistle
Material types are obviously hard stuff with high defense, Data here isn't really any better than Jones or Ctulu though so he'll live the farm life for now.
And then, there's THIS asshole.
SPOOKY
Type: Zombie
Learns: Radiant MouthShut Outside
All right, seriously, fuck this guy. The first encounter I had in the well was a Spooky, and they join you without meat treats maybe 90% of the time so I didn't bother wasting any of my meat on it. It didn't join, so I spent about 30 fucking minutes running around that well looking for another one, and they NEVER FUCKING APPEARED. EVER. EVENTUALLY ONE DID APPEAR AND I HAD TO WASTE A PORKCHOP JUST SO I WOULD BE FUCKING SURE I GOT ONE. SERIOUSLY, THESE GUYS SUCK TOO, THEY MIGHT BE THE WORST MONSTER IN THE ENTIRE LEVEL AND I WASTED HALF A FUCKING HOUR GETTING ONE AUGH
Naturally when I did get one, I named it accordingly.
Looks good to me. Now go rot on the farm. Look at that smug asshole, knowing how much he's wasting my time.
This is the face that will be in my dreams for all my days now.
There's an herb and a porkchop in those two pots as well as an Exitbell hiding around the Well before you get to the boss fight. Exitbells are basically the equivilent of the Escape Rope from pokemon, instant exit from a cave or dungeon.
King of the Sand: This beast's dam is at fault. I've been trying to get it to destroy the dam, but to no avail.
…All right then, perhaps we can use logic and reason to get out of this situation.
Or not.
BOSS FIGHT: BEAVERN
One good thing came out of my searching for a Spooky for so long, I basically overleveled most of my monsters. It's actually almost insulting to call this guy a boss, because he's so damn easy. He spends half his rounds using ChargeUP, sometimes several rounds in a row. If he does that, he'll never get an attack off and you can just wail on him.
If your monsters are all level 7 or higher, you'll slaughter him.
By the way, Beavern WILL join you if you throw enough meat treats, not very common for a Boss monster. I didn't bother because I was both out of meat and probably wouldn't have kept him on my team anyway.
Beavern: I didn't mean to cause any trouble. We used to live in Mirage Lake, but we were kicked out by a band of thugs who made it their hideout! I was looking for a place to live…
King of the Sand: Those wretched scoundrels! I promise I will imprison them!
King of the Sand: …shortage in town. I humbly thank you for your help! Come see me in the castle! I will have the Tidalbell for you.
Kickass, now we finally get that Tidalbell, right?
Right?
Right?
King of the Sand: …seems to be no longer a concern. I thank you again for your work. Your reward is the Tidalbell. Come, follow me to the treasury.
Right?!
RIGHT?!?!
Fuuuuuuck.
This is Tara's fault somehow.
King of the Sand: …said to be in Mirage Lake! They must be caught! I will lead the expedition myself! Who will join me in this quest?
Personally I think it'd be hilarious if everyone just went "Fuck you King" or something, but not in this type of video game, I'm afraid.
King of the Sand: We must capture the thieves at all costs. This is a Mission!
King of the Sand: …were taken by the thieves. I will head to Mirage Lake and bring them to justice. If we return safely, you shall have the promised Tidalbell.
Well, if you're as good in battle as you are at cognitive reasoning… we're doomed.
Thus ends our adventure for today. Let's see if we can actually finish the Oaisis next time and capture the
Oh, and guess what? I was on the last square of the Well while leaving and guess what?
FUCK
YOU
SPOOKY
YOU
FUCKING
FAGGOT
AUGH