Part 71: Post 63: In which we beat up the first optional boss, the team goes platinum, and we beat that boss again and again until our demands our met.
Post 63: In which we beat up the first optional boss, the team goes platinum, and we beat that boss again and again until our demands our met.
Last time, on Let's Play Dragon Warrior 7...
What's that in the next room?
That can't be who I think it is!
A fat, legless guy!
Just as I thought!
That's not an ordinary fat, legless guy Master Link! That's...
Let's go talk to him before you can tell me just who he is.
Look upon my grand viasge and know me as your one and true God.
Oh, my... God. What events have conspired to bring your divine presence to rest in such a place?
Ahh, Melvin. It appears that I have aged somewhat better than you, old friend. Ages ago, a Great Battle was waged with the Demon Lord, Orgodemir. The centuries-long struggle concluded with the sides of good and evil defeated and weary. Before the final battle, I left the future of the world in the hands of you, the humans. Given the task of rebuilding the world in my stead, the human race is no longer in need of my divine guidance. The future is yours to shape as you see fit. You may take your leave. I have nothing more to say. Or do you wish to test your strength and engage me in battle?
Okay, party meeting. Melvin, how powerful is God?
Master Link, he's God. GOD. I'd think it's safe to say that his power is basically ultimate.
Noted. Gabo, your opinion.
I think we can take him. He's just a weird lookin' guy, after all.
I life your optimism. Aira?
What the hell - it's not like he's gonna be any worst than Orgodemir was - after all, God was defeated, right?
That's a good point. Okay God, after conferring, I think we'll agree to a battle at this time.
Let it be known that I have provided fair warning before your imminent demise. Your face does little to hide what is in your heart. You question how a righteous God could allow suffering to exist among His people. But you do not yet know what true suffering is. Now you will witness the full realization of the Wrath of God! (Link's party was fully healed!)
outpouring of determination!
Can we even hope to win a battle such as this? I suppose all we can do is go down fighting...
God lost once to the Demon Lord, a long time ago... Maybe that means we can win, too!
So, this is God. God is, well, as powerful as God. He's devastating. He has more attack than anything else, quite a lot of HP, and some of the best skills and spells in the game. As an example...
That does about 100-200 damage to each member of the party. His ordinary attacks usually do 100-150 each. He always get two actions per round and sometimes three or four, but rarely performs an attack with all of them. You see, the other problem with God is...
God has a sense of humor. He frequently uses QuickJoke and BoxerDance, which are notable for three major reasons. First, there's no resistance against them. Second, they affect the entire party. Third, they are quite effective turn denial. He also has a "glinting eye" effect that always knocks someone asleep, even if they're supposed to be immune to Sleep effects. So, half the time, many of my characters just stand around laughing instead of doing anything productive, and God uses HellBolt or HellFire or WhiteAir, and people start dying.
No. It doesn't have Defeat for it.
God's love of horrid puns is devastating to the team.
Very devastating. But with a certain amount of perserverance, gumption, and luck...
presence of the Creator unable to deny your recalcitrant ways. Do you wish to test your mettle?
Yes, I think we do.
23 turns. Through science and reason, man has always sought to find ways to destroy God, refusing to accept the divine influence that pervades every aspect of life. Farewell, burdensome humans. Our audience is at an end. The entirety of the world is now open to you. Choose the land which you desire to flee to.
Well, Dharma Temple, if you would be so kind.
I feel strangely unfulfilled.
Well, maybe if we beat him a bit quicker?
Quicker? How would we do that?
A training montage!
Better idea. Let's train, but not do a montage.
Some Time Later...
of creation, I have patiently awaited the day when you would rise up to defeat He who created all. You deserve something for your persistance.
So, you're going to go beat up Orgodemir?
Of course not! Who do I look like, DarkDrium?
No, you look more like Ziggy, really.
Ahem. I offer you a gift in deference to your solemn acheivement.
So, you have three shards?
And you'll only give me one of them?
Unless I beat you again, which means I'd have to go through this dungeon again and again, right?
Yes a third time.
Fuck, then - I'll take the first Shard. The Dream Camisole randomly distracts enemies when worn by a female, the Hero's Heart lets someone get into the Hero class without meeting it's usual prerequisites, and the Fillet is just so tasty that monsters want it. But we don't need any of these but those shards, so hand me the first one, God, if you would be so kind.
Take your insignificant prize and begone from my sight. (Link received the ? Shard!) Our audience is at an end. The entirety of the world is now open to you. Choose the land which you desire to flee to.
Dharma temple, please. Ahh, good to be back at Dharma. Well, back to beat up God twice more, since he's a miserly prick.
Oh, here's a picture of the party on the worldscreen right now. As you can see, I'm a PlatKing now, and Melvin's still a HolyCock.
Two more dungeon treks and God fights later...
Ahh! Now we should have all of the shards we need.
FFFFFFFFFFFFF... one piece missing. We can deal with this. Let's ask that old witch again.
There's one more shard on this entire world.
WHERE IS IT?
All right then, I'll tell your fortune for you. Dero dero, honia nara supi supi supi ha! Right! I see a flourishing town. A large stone column, too. That's basically it. If you don't recognize the place that I'm seeing, then it may be a place that you have yet to go to. Ha ha ha!
Damn it, it's in Grindton.
But... but we checked everywhere in Grindton!
We checked everywhere in *two* Grindtons!
Then it's time for some urban renewal! Activate Grindton Form 3: JUST A NORMAL TOWN!
It's hard to believe this area used to be an empty field.
This is it! The final shard! We can finally visit the other dungeon and finish our adventure!
Game time: 352:46
TinyMedal Count: 103
New Items: LuckShoes
New Monsters: Metaly, Metabble
Class Titles: ArchMage, Master, Admiral, BigBoss, General, TruTalent, Sea Dog, SheepLord, BeastLord, Faust, Chosen One, HiPriest, Martyr, Avenger, Demigod, KingSlime, ColdBlood, Drakon, Marcolara, Armagedon, ThorRat, BigPussy, GoldGolem, Machinoid, Mecha-X, Grandreal, Beelzebub, SlimeIdol
New Skill: IceStorm
New Spell: HealUsAll, Change, BigBang
Class Titles: TruTalent, General, Master, HiPriest, Martyr, Avenger, Demigod
Class Titles: KingSlime, WyvernNite, HellShell, SheepLord, Novice(Thief), Marcolara, Phoenix, Armageddon, EvilDead, Sexy, Pandora, BigDummy, ThorRat, GoldGolem, Drakon, SoulEater, Leviathan, Machinoid, WellDone, WitherWing, ColdBlood, Diamond, Inferno, Azazel, Eternal, BigPussy, GrandReal, Marid, Apocalypse, GodHater, DoomBloom, Abominoid, SteamGear
New Skill: MultiCut, PoisonFog, EerieFog, WhiteAir
New Spell: SleepAll, MegaMagic, Thordain
Class Titles: Minstrel, TruTalent, Fool, Icon, Archmage, HighPriest, Prophet, Ragnarok, Marcolara, WitheWng, Pandora, HellShell, WyvernNite, SkyDevil, WellDone, DoomBloom, HolyCock
Class Titles: Master, TruTalent, HiPriest, Novice (Thief), Martyr, Minstrel, Fool, Icon, ArchMage, Prophet, Ragnarok, General, Ronin