Part 23: Episode XXIII: In Which There is Making Out With a Corpse
Episode XXIII: In Which There is Making Out With a Corpse
Alright, time for Chapter 7! On to the Empire of Notspain! Err...wait... The Sky Fortress again...?
Chapter 7 is extremely short. It's almost entirely cutscenes and one single gameplay Verse which is just Black Dragon Boss Fight: Part II. However, it's the major branching point determining which set of endings the final chapter will contain. But, since this is the first playthrough the second path isn't unlocked yet... So... Yeah... It's pretty much a nothing chapter...
Verse 1: Realization
So, I take it Manah is sort of a jerk. Well, let's see what she's up to.
"It looks like we've got a packed crowd for tonight's So You Think You Can Dance? Our first contestant is the Priestess of the Cult of the Watchers, the ruler of the Empire, and lord of the boogie. Ladies and gentleman let's have a big hand for High Priestess Manah."
"Thank you! Thank you! You're all too ki-"
"Fu. Ri. Ae! Ea. Ir. Uf! My love stands tall and shakes the heavens!"
"Oh...good grief... Did anyone tell him about the dead goddess thing?"
"We couldn't get to him, milady. He locked the door to his quarters and refused to come out. We...well...we thought we heard crying... We figured it probably wasn't the best of times..."
*sigh* "He's going to make a huge scene, isn't he?"
"Ah...this is going to be a joy... Alright... Let me get my game face on..."
"Let's get this over with... Send him in."
Inuart bumbles his way through the Imperial Mosh Pit. I guess he had been in the shitter or something in the twenty minutes between when Caim fought him and now.
He realizes he's a touch late to the party...
Inuart attempts to put his best angry face on. I think having feathered hair bars anyone from ever looking tough. It's sort of the polar opposite of badass. The fact it's a feathered mullet isn't helping matters.
Alright, Inuart. This cannot stand. This MUST not stand. You've got to look serious. If Caim can do an angry rage face, then so can you! So. Can. I! Alright... Alright... Deep breath... Here we go!
"The Watchers laugh."
"You said you'd save her! That's she no longer had to be the goddess."
"Indeed I did. I lived up to my end. Now she's just a normal, average girl. Oh...did I neglect the part about killing her to do that...? Shucks... I always have trouble remembering that part... Hehehe..."
Pictured: Inuart's entire character motivation and story arc summed up in a single frame.
While flailing around like a ginger ragdoll, Inuart manages to desecrate Furiae's corpse by driving the dagger even further into her. Inuart has such a way with ladies.
Thinking about it...the list of characters in fiction that get their ass handed to them by a six year old girl has got to be remarkably small. Inuart stands proudly among the ranks of those beaten up by a preschooler.
Well, it's nice to see at least one person in this game that is having a good time. Manah is loving this shit.
Verse 2: For Her
Now, let us think about this statement for a minute. What the fuck has Inuart exactly done? After getting brainwashed via being tied up and having a strong talking to by a voice in the dark he has...
- Made a pact with the Black Dragon. Apparently, a pact that the dragon couldn't care less about. It can talk and everything. It's chatty as hell in Drakengard 2. It just doesn't care to say a thing to Inuart because...well...would you?
- Lost the ability to sing. This, as far as what is revealed about Furiae and Inuart's relationship, was the only reason she liked him for in the first place.
- Knocked Caim on his ass. Inuart comes across as the lanky little brother who gets fed up with teasing one day and does some goofy berserker rage on an older brother. Sure, he might surprise the brother and knock him on his ass. But he's also likely to get at the very least an Indian Rugburn as soon as the older brother gets back up. And, as I've said, that's the only fight he and Caim have in the entire game.
- He forces himself on Furiae then chloroforms her and dresses her up in a pretty red dress. Nothing creepy there.
- Fucked around doing nothing, gets his ass kicked by Caim and Red, then leaves his girlfriend sitting around the evil organization that has been intent on killing her since the very beginning of the game.
Congrats, Inuart. You're the worst everything. Villain, boyfriend, mid-boss muppet, bard... The works.
No...no... You didn't kill her. You just put her in the single most optimum position in order to be killed short of tying her up in front of an erupting volcano.
You know, as bland as Furiae was... I bet you could get away pulling a Weekend at Bernie's stunt with her. I mean, not that there's any reason to. But, the way she was flopping on the floor all the time due to the "strain of the seal" and the whole...four or five lines she had... You could totally pull that off.
It's worth noting that Manah is spinning around like a top and hemorrhaging cherry blossom petals during this entire scene. It's pretty hilarious.
These Watcher guys seem alright. They laugh, they dance, and it's apparently a pretty exclusive club. They probably throw mad parties.
Verse 3: A Decision
Whelp, looks like Inuart took off crying already. Figures...
Ergh... Whatcha doing with the dead ex-girlfriend's corpse there, Inuart...?
I...was just joking about the Weekend at Bernie's bit...
I really hope you're just going to give her a proper burial and...
...oh geez. Could you be any more creepy, Inuart? I mean come on.
"Hey! You two back there! Get a room! And could whoever has the leaky ketchup bottle open put a lid on it. No eating on this flight. It's getting all over me. *sigh* Never should have agreed to this... No sequel deal is worth this..."
Thus Inuart is left overcome with grief, completely unable to just try out the dating circuit again, and with no one to turn to. With the world against him, the fuckstick bard decides upon with a very bad plan.
This... isn't going to end well... is it?
Manah is astoundingly good at hoola-hoops.
Manah Official Art
Manah Concept Art #1
Manah Concept Art #2