Part 54: Episode XLIX: In Which Seere is a Terrible Storyteller
Episode XLIX: In Which Seere is a Terrible Storyteller
Verse 6: Abnormal
I'm just going to go out on a limb here and suggest that that giant fuck off thing might be a problem that stabbing cannot fix.
"Was it my fault?"
"Was it because of me?"
Yes! YES! YES! This is ALL your fault! If I ever find a way to go back in time I'm gonna go six and a half years into the past and punch your mother in the friggin' uterus.
"That is fairly harsh, Caim..."
"Though not without warrant..."
Alright, this is the final ground mission of the entire game. And it is not at all a traditional one. There are no obligatory groups of enemies to slay or keys to collect. Nope, the objective is to just haul ass across the area while a steady stream of grotesqueries pour into the area.
And I mean that in the most literal of senses.
Unfortunately, the sky here is so thick with the little bastards that Red needs to find another way around, so Caim is on his own. Just as well, grotesqueries are equipped with anti-magic shields so Red is fairly useless.
Now, it's pretty damn easy to just run non-stop to the other end of the area, not even bothering with any of the deluge of genderless teethed cherubs. Indeed, the entire stage can be completed in under a minute.
Buuuuuuuut (there's always a but, isn't there?) Cavia has other plans. The last non-Free Expedition weapon of the game is also in this area. And want to take a blind guess as to what its unlocking requirement is?
If you guessed dicking around in the area for fifteen minutes, you get a gold star! But wait! There's more! Guess where the treasure box containing our new loot awaits? That's right! The very southern most part of the area. Yes, past that entire cluster fuck of grotesqueries. Just terrific...
"The time of which Seere speaks... Could it be the Great Time?"
No, baldy. A great time is charging at an enemy on the battlefield and taking their head clean off in a single swing. A great time is watching a ball of fire go sailing through the air and hitting an Imperial with such force that all that is left is some charred tin. A great time is getting trashed at a bar and breaking a chair over Inuart's head when he tries to woo someone barfly with a gay ballad. This... This is NOT a great time.
"Caim, I do not think that is the 'Great Time' he is referring to."
Oh Christ, we're not listening to Verdelet and his fucking legends again, are we? Does nobody remember the Seeds of Resurrection and how terribly that went?
Oh yeah...I guess they wouldn't...
Fifteen minutes of wasting time later...
If we wait long enough we might see Arioch again in a few hours in this shot.
The final destination of this verse is once more Manah's temple. I always thought this thing was supposed to be at the center of the Imperial Capital and they were just too lazy to render those skyscrapers next to it, what with Manah growing fifty stories and being dead center of the city. But, given the next verse's events...that's not really possible.
You all are going to love how we defeat the Queen-beast in Chapter 13.
I've got one of these magic memory erasing hammers in my garage. It's called "nail hammer" and beating people in the head with it usually can mess up memories. John Lithgow can attest to its effectiveness.
Verse 7: The Great Time
Well, in case you hadn't figured it out, the big momma Watcher is in the process of devouring time and basically eroding reality to...well...you'll see in a minute.
"You feel reaction."
"A reaction? To what? To that?"
"Seere break pact! Taker backer! You know how much scrub Golem do to get out squished girl Seere? Still bits stuck in cracks in Golem hand!"
I ain't following, dragon.
"That thing is absorbing time itself. If we don't stop it, it will devour the entire world!"
Yeah and...? How do we stop that?
"Seere's pact caused him to give up his time. It no longer has any meaning to him. He's like a big black hole in the flow of time."
"And it is like dividing by zero. Even this far away that abomination's draw of the timeflow is affecting Seere. If we could get him to the creature..."
Verse 8: A Little Hero
Deus Ex Drakengard.
Uhh... I hope all of you out there have had the birds and the bees talk by this point...
"No, no! I don't want to die."
The way this scene plays out I thought they'd tied down and ditched Verdelet somewhere to let him get eaten to buy some more time to get closer to the super preggers nightmare at the heart of the city. But unfortunately, no such luck... It's just Verdelet freaking out...again...
"Danger, Seere Robinson."
"Will you take me there?"
"Are you sure?"
Or else everyone is fucked... Great...
"Seere! What will you do?"
"Only I can stop it. I'm the only one who has what we need."
So who's ready for story time? Let's hear the great tale of The Little Hero as retold by Seere.
"He slept deep beneath the earth, forever young and strong."
"The hero who had drunk of Time traveled to the ends of the earth."
"It's called 'The Little Hero.' My mother told it to me."
That was the shittiest story I've ever friggin' heard! There was a lazy kid. He woke up one day. Wander around like a jackass. And died. The end. Great... Just great... That's what we're going on...
So Seere, the greatest asshole of all of Drakengard, basically orchestrated all this bullshit for an excuse to become a shitty fairy tale's hero his illiterate mother used to tell him.
Fuck you Seere, you tremendous insufferable little fucking cunt!
Well, anyone else have any better ideas? Lenny? Oh wait, you exploded. Chuckles? Oh wait, you're getting digested. Golem? Nope, nothing small enough for you to smash this time. Dragon, if you're listening to this twerp, I know you're shit out of ideas. And I'm willing to admit I can't just kill all of these things. Oh wait, Verdelet! Any insight, baldy?
"We are doooooomed! The end is nigh!"
Helpful as always. Welp, fuck it. Sure... I think we can make it through. But we sure as hell ain't gonna make it back, if that's what you're asking.
Meh... To hell with it! Supposed to be dead already anyway. Might as well try to stop this stupid ass thing before the end. Tell the kid to hop on.
Tune in next time for the dramatic conclusion!
The Great Time
Deus Ex Drakengard