Part 6: Page 6: Order of the Phoenix

Page 6: Order of the Phoenix

So this floating platform?


Mt. Gulg

Yeah, definitely a boss room.



Look, it's the crystal... But something's wrong. It's lost its light!



Has the crystal lost its light? I can't tell.

Well, there's nothing else to do. Time to bite the bullet.



Book time.


Win Place Show Chocobo!

Welcome to the first second volume of the game.

Wait...first second? Yeah, that seems right.

ANYWAY.


Prelude
The Ugly Chocoling: Flaming Frenzy Prologue

The little chocoling with feathers of soot was always teased by everyone around him. One day, his mother sent him on an errand to Mt. Magma. The volcano was incredibly dangerous, and the older siblings protested sending the youngest on one such a task.
"This job is for him and him alone," the mother chocobo firmly stated.
"She doesn't care what happens to me because I'm the ugly one," he said to himself as he set off. At one time in history, Mt. Magma was renowned as a famous site for gold mining. However, on one terrible day, the mining town (full of boisterous men and buxom ladies) was destroyed when the volcano erupted, incinerating everything--including heaps of gold. As the chocoling arrived at the ruins of the town, his little heart was overcome by sadness. Suddenly, smoke appeared from his feathers... then sparks... then fire! The chocoling started running around in a flaming frenzy! Gold coins appeared in the wake of his fiery trail...

God DAMN it did he learn NOTHING from the first book?




Now it's time for a versus montage.



First off, our goals are getting 20 points in Versus 1.


Battle Theme
Flaming Frenzy Versus 1

Level 1 is a piece of cake. No problems here.



Victory

As you might be able to tell by the way I shut out the Jailbird. Sorry, buddy!



This is received for getting at least 10 points...



And this is received for getting 20 points. We've also unlocked Versus Levels 2 and 3 by beating Versus 1.


Battle Theme
Flaming Frenzy Versus 2

This one was easy too, but a little bit harder.


Victory

I mean, I only won by 11 points this time.



Any way, we've freed Belle.

Oh, Boco! Bless your little heart!

Granny Belle!

Chip, you're safe and sound! You must be hungry, dear! Let me whip something up. I'll make sure my little snookums gets plenty to eat!

Thankth, Granny Belle! I can't wait! Jeeperth!

Boco, why don't you join us? You like stew, don't you?

Urgh. This unlocks a microgame that's irritating, but not terrible. That one's because of Gelp, that fucker.

ANYWAY, on to Versus 3.


Battle Theme
Flaming Frenzy Versus 3

Ugh. This one is annoying for only one reason: They love rolling around. If you haven't read the rules or watched the video, rolling knocks a coin out of the player. Peekaboo absolutely LOVES rolling into me.


Victory

Fuck this. Fuck this REAL hard. I hate fighting them. For winning, we unlock three things. Two of those are Versus levels (four and five). The other...


Prelude
The Ugly Chocoling: Flaming Frenzy Epilogue - Rebirth

The gold coins that appeared as the chocoling dashed about were once part of the great treasure that was lost when Mt. Magma erupted. The fires that poured from the chocoling's feathers were none other than the flames of rebirth! The inferno grew and enveloped his entire body. He felt no more pain at all.



A shining bird with beautiful feathers emerged from the flames! The ugly chocoling was actually Phoenix!


Mt. Gulg

Hooray! Check out the awesome bird we've summoned with the book.

Look, Boco! The crystal's shining!



Boco... Shirma... This world is in grave danger. The Darkmaster's resurrection...

Yeah, yeah, been there, done that.

The same tragedy of 400 years past threatens to occur once again.

Please tell us! What can we do to stop Bebuzzu?

Restore the power of the four crystals. Three more await you. Earth, water, and light...

Shouldn't that be wind, not light?



Oh crap. That means...


Irma's Troupe

Yep. Irma's back.

Thanks to you, the power of fire now belongs to my black crystal! And with its evil energy... The time has come to awaken Darkmaster Bebuzzu! Come forth, ebon harbinger of destruction!



Dog-book! You're a cool dude. Never mind the fact that you're...y'know...evil.

Did you miss me? I appreciate all the hard work!



(Gulp!) Hmmm... Spicy!

This might be a good time to run.



Dog-Book is now Bird-Book. This might be a very good time to run.

With your help, I believe I can finally cast away that canine shell and obtain a more worthy form! Mwa-ha-ha-ha! The energy is coursing through my pages! Boco! Come forth! I wish to test my newfound strength in battle!



Yeah, no. Not happening.



Oh, okay, fine.

Boco! Prepare to be cooked!

Bite me, birdbrain.



_{oh, that made me feel sick.}


The Decisive Battle
Cardgame! Boco vs Phoenix Bebuzzu

I feel like waiting to use Self-Destruct was just being a jerk. Yea or nay?



A winner is us.



Hey, guess what. He's lost his power.

You haven't seen the last of me!



Don't you know the rules? The protagonist always wins.

I guess he was only half-baked! You won't be so lucky next time, though! Greeble! Peekaboo! Let's scram!



Boco, let's go back to the farm and talk with the others.



Hey, cool. Chapter break. There should be... three more after this one?


Chocobo Village

That means we still have to find the earth, water, and light crystals.

But Irma has that black crystal, right? She'll just keep using it to drain the energy from the rest of the crystals! Our gooses are collectively cooked!

No, they're not! We have to trust what Phoenix told us. And I have this feeling in my heart now... It's like there's a powerful force inside.

What kind of lame power is heart, anyway?



Calling this shit right now - Boco has the light crystal inside him. (I don't remember the plot so this is a guess, trust me)

You feel it, too, right?



Light for everyone!

Phoenix is watching over all of us now. I just know it!

Then it's settled. Let's restore the crystals and defeat Bebuzzu!

Yeah, sure. Unfortunately for the plot, we have things to clear up.



Now that Granny Belle is back, Chip has a microgame for us.

Granny Belle! Boco! I finally made the choice chu go! I have chu become tougher chu help thave everybody! Tho...I'm going chu leave on a trip! I'll leave my mark acroth the world!



Thure enough! Glad chu have you along! Leth go!

That lithp - excuse me, lisp - is making me ill.



March de Chocobo
Cheese Chase

This game is pretty chill. Not a huge deal, so it's relatively easy to get the gold.

Each of the five rows has one of three patterns - bat-cheese-cheese, cheese-bat-cheese, and cheese-cheese-bat. The strategey is essentially wait until you can make a safe trip, and if you can't move, hang out in the screen transition.



Chip looks so depressed when his balloons pop.

Thankth chu your help, I've churprithed even mythelf! Take thith!



That wath the greateth quetht ever! I want you chu have my thpecial card!



Booko looks so displeased. Poor guy, he knows what's coming up.



Our next stop is Gelp's place. God damn sicko.

Eeeyikes!!! Boco! Don't sneak up on me like that! Oh, did you want to play, too? It's called Blowgun Blitz! You should try it a little bitz. There's more games, too, so have fun!

Ouch, that just hurt.



Hate. Hate, hate, hate.



Hate hate hate.



Gysahl Greens
Blowgun Blitz

Haaaaaaaaaaate. This game is terrible. The only strategy is getting lucky, and it took me SO MANY goddamn tries to get gold. Because this game is terrible. When you blow into the mic, a dart fires and pierces balls. Thing is, you can't really tell what will get pierced except on the bottom screen, so it's all a matter of hope, luck, and an iron will to not destroy your cartridge.

Ugh.



And I never have to do this again and THANK THE GODS.




This is why that sick freak wanted to win. You get the Bestiality cards.



The last game for now is also a bitch to play.



Cid you son of a bitch I swear to god I will hunt you down for making this.



Retro de Chocobo
Job Juggler

See, it's really easy when you can artificially induce lag. Otherwise you get kinda fucked. The screen is slowly closing, and you have to select the old-school sprites that hop along the top screen. The only strategy is hoping you get Sage/Devout, Geomancer, and Beastmaster a lot.



Just look how fucking small the gap is. And I still got the color of the sprite right.




I don't know why all the rewards are Lamia related, and I don't think I want to know.



Now that we have all those things, I've revised the deck slightly to be mainly green cards. Still gonna have those goblins in there hell yeah.

Next time: Welcome to the jungle, there are no fun and games.