Part 7: Page 7: The Hunger Games

Page 7: The Hunger Games

Hey, remember that mole hole?


Mt. Gulg

So did I.



Another card for the stack. Next on the list is cleaning up the leftover books.



The first one is Titan and the Beanstalk.


Win Place Show Chocobo!

We have a lot to cover.


Fiddle de Chocobo
Leapin' on Leaves Versus 4


Victory

That one was pretty easy.



Our reward is Yelro, that old guy that got mentioned once in the first update.



Oh boy.

Bless muh lucky stars, young lad! It's good to see th' sun again! If you don't mind sittin' a spell with an old feller like me, ah'd be happy to share a bit of muh wisdom with yer! Duh-hur!

Oh, but the best is yet to come.


Fiddle de Chocobo
Leapin' on Leaves Versus 5

Welcome to one of the two rage-filled games of this update. This particular Versus mode is such a pain in my ass that I made a bloopers reel containing the highlights of my hatred and rage.


Victory

Fuck you, Volg. Fuck you, Titan. Fuck you, beanstalk. And most importantly, FUCK YOU, BOMBS.



Our only reward is a pop-up card. Yippee.

We've already unlocked Trial Mode for this book, so let's go straight there, shall we?


Fiddle de Chocobo
Leapin' on Leaves Trial Mode

Trial mode is handled a little bit differently. Instead of having a set height to make it up as fast as possible, you have three lives to make it as high as you can.


Victory

Our goal is above 200, and I think we made it pretty well.



Above 50, we get one card.



Above 200, we get the other.



Above 100, we get a new epilogue. Go team!


Prelude
Titan and the Beanstalk: Leapin' on Leaves Epilogue - Decisions

When the boy reached the top of the beanstalk, he found himself at Titan's shrine! As the terrible tyrant slept soundly, the boy snuck into the treasure vault. Inside the vault, amongst the heaps of artifacts and gems, was an exceptionally large treasure chest as well as an especially small one. While the boy pondered over which one to pilfer, another group of thieves suddenly charged into the room and grabbed ahold of the larger chest. The boy, slightly dismayed, opened up the smaller chest. Much to his surprise, the inside of the box was laden with jewels!



Seeing the contents of the smaller chest, the thieves snickered with glee and opened the lid of their box. "There be treasure in here! We just know it!" However, just as the chest cracked open, a tangle of vines leapt out and ensnared the evildoers. "By Titan's moldy maw! Help us outta here!" Greediness had gotten those nasty thieves nowhere.

Well, let's go see the rewards of our effort.


Mt. Gulg

Of course it's a card, why wouldn't it be a card.



I like Boco's face in this one. He's just kinda like "all that for this?"

Anyway, onto our next item of business.


Win Place Show Chocobo!

We've got to beat level 5, but let's go with level 4 for now.


March de Chocobo
Find That Fiery Chocobo Versus 4

Pretty easy, thanks to my patented method of 'flail around until I get a ping'.


Victory

And we free Dolly.



Dolly's a school teacher.

S-something's different. Have I been...rescued? HolycowI'mtotallyoutofthatmoldypit! Ick! Ack! Patooey! ...You'll have to pardon my outburst. I'm always kinda in my own little world... Anyways, thank you, Boco! Pop by the schoolhouse anytime! I have a nice game for us to play!

The game really isn't that nice


Find That Fiery Chocobo Versus 5

Versus 5 was the same old same old. We get an epilogue. Hooray, more talking.


Prelude
The Ugly Chocoling: Find That Fiery Chocobo Epilogue - Tough Love

The mother and her children searched desperately for the missing chocoling. Although it took a while, they finally managed to track him down! "You didn't have to come looking for me! I would have been fine on my own," said the chocoling, putting up a defiant facade.
His mother smacked him on the cheek. "Do you have any idea how worried we've been about you?"



Once everyone got home, the mother chocobo cooked up a delicious cake for the family to eat. It was warm and sweet, just like a mother's love.

Oh boy, more food for Chubby.



I wonder what he's going to do this time. There aren't any gates for him to break down...


Win Place Show Chocobo

Up next is Flaming Frenzy. This is the next to last book of the chapter.


Battle Theme
Flaming Frenzy Versus 4

Fuck everything. This turned into a giant clusterfuck of rolling into each other.



Though we get a new epilogue for beating Versus 4.


Prelude
The Ugly Chocoling: Flaming Frenzy Epilogue - Rebirth?

A greedy thief appeared, and began chasing after the chocoling and the gold with an evil grin on his face. "Gimme more gold! Keep running or I'll chop you up for dinner!" The thief ran behind the chocoling and picked up all the gold coins he could carry.
"Somebody, help me!" cried the chocoling. The flames had charred his feathers pitch black and his legs would carry him no further. "I have to escape!" The chocoling tried as hard as he could to flap his wings. Those wings, which had never carried him into the sky before, suddenly unfurled and took him out of harm's reach.



Untold days and nights passed... When you hear a certain black bird cawing outside the window, be sure to think of the little chocoling. Even to this very day, he is calling out to his mother, who he has been apart from for so very long.

Uh......that's remarkably grim for a KID'S GAME. What the hell.



Anyway, the black bird cuts the rope, giving us access to the green guy up there. But first...



Versus 5 is needed to be completed.


Battle Theme
Flaming Frenzy Versus 5

With just one other person, this is pretty easy.



As shown, it's not as easy as Versus 1, but then, what is? At least there were no Bomb-related anger issues.



And we've got our final epilogue for The Ugly Chocoling. How precious.


Prelude
The Ugly Chocoling: Flaming Frenzy Epilogue - Truly Blessed

The chocoling looked sadly at the coins appearing behind him. "I don't want any gold..." As soon as he said those words, his flames gave birth to a succulent feast! "I'm not hungry, either. What I really want is..." The flames flickered and showed him an image of his family, his mother, and his siblings. "Now I understand! What I've always wanted... I already had it!"
"Congratulations!" his family called out in unison. With those words, the chocoling transformed into Phoenix!
"My dear, I'm sorry I had to be so strict with you, but it was necessary for you to realize your full potential."



After worrying for so long, he finally realized that he was the luckiest bird on the planet. He began to cry, and as his tears cascaded over the lava, water from deep below the ground sped up towards the surface and burst into the sky, creating a powerful geyser.

Well, okay, sure. Crying makes a geyser appear.



This is back down by the Lost Jailbird, remember him?


Mt. Gulg

Let's start claiming our prizes, shall we?



Did you know that true happiness can't come from others? It can only come from inside! You have to find it by yourself! Boco! Try and find me! I hope you remember my name, too!



I know. You just told me.

Happiness is when your heart gets all warm and fuzzy inside! I'll give you this card! It should warm you up real good and snuggly!



Here's Carbuncle's thing. Every time you make it to him, he'll give you a card of himself. They're actually really good cards.

Boco, do you feel happy now? Happiness isn't something that just happens! It's something you have to feel! See you later, friend!

He then disappears. Oh well.



Hey, where does this go?


Chocobo Village

Oh. Okay, then. There's a warp! It's not very useful because it's literally three squares away, but there you go!



Okay, next we go to Dolly! We saved her by beating Versus 4 of Find That Fiery Chocobo.

Oh, hey, Boco! You showed up!



Superb! I'll give you a little hint, too: speed is key! Got it? So let's start!



March de Chocobo
Silly Scribbles

Eh, not too bad. Just make sure you hit the correct side when all the little shapes are small. I can't tell you how often that fucked me up. Overall, not too hard.



... ...words...words fail me! So here's something nice for you!



Thanks, friend.

I've never seen anything like... ... ...that serendaliciously stupendacular performance! Please, take this!



Dolly, no offense... but... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...I think I'm getting tired of your ellipses.

Hey, what's going on with Chubby and his cake?



I'm sorry I asked.

This is ecstasy! Thanks, Boco! Nothing tastes better after a sloppy slab of meat than a rockin' chunka cake! Here, you can have this if you want...



Yours is the spear that will pierce the world.

I'm still feeling kinda hungry... How about a post-dessert treat?



There's two more things to do for the first Adamantoise and the Cactuar book. One is conquering versus 5.


Fiddle de Chocobo
Race to the Top! Versus 5

Yeah, yeah, been there done that.


Victory

Yoink.



There's also another epilogue. Hooray for books.


Prelude
The Adamantoise and the Cactuar: Race to the Top! Epilogue - Boulder Barrage

So the race began! The contenders sped away from the starting line. As sharp as his spines were, the cactuar had quite the dull intellect, and soon settled down for a nap, content with his current lead. At the same time, the adamantoises were moving up the mountain, slow and steady at their very own pace, and had soon reached the top! "Now that I'm feeling good and rested, it's time to smoke those fools I've bested!" The cactuar awoke and then sped off like the wind... unaware he had already lost the race.



Suddenly, the mountainside shook, and a boulder came crashing down on the poor little cactuar. "I'm stuck! I'm stuck! What lousy luck!"
The adamantoises heard his cry for help and came to the rescue. "Although we're not as quick as you are, these shells come in handy, don't you think?"
"Allow me to apologize! I'd be a cactuar sandwich without you guys!" As soon as the adamantoises set the little cactuar free, he sped off in a hurry, too embarrassed to stick around after his unexpected defeat.



For getting a cactus mashed, we get a card. Fair trade, no?


Chocobo Village

The location is just under the windmill where we got our first card. Ah, the memories.



Shit, that's pretty rare. How'd it get under the rock?



Last thing for the books for now is beating trial mode quickly.



Yeah, fuck having a video for that. You've already seen me winning before.


Victory

Spinning Needle is actually pretty good. Haste isn't a half-bad ability, and 3 damage is nothing to sneer at.

Let's go talk to different people.


Chocobo Village

Yelro can be found down by the windmill. Where we were about four screenshots ago, actually.

Though you're bound to uncover some by wandering about or playing minigames, there's a better way still! Get out there and find Uncle Carb! Wait a minute... Got something backwards, ah think. Just a moment while ah jog my noggin'... ... Carbuncle! That's it! Find that wee spirit and you're guaranteed to hit th' payload!

I wish I could find Carbuncle when I want to do some gambling. Dude would be awesome.



We're going to the playground for possibly one of the cutest things in the game.



oh my god so cute



Ahem. We need to check out Leviaslide's mouth, because...



He has a card for us! Keep heading down out of the park, and we get to one of the most infuriating microgames.



Time to break bubbles! Forget all your troubles!

Fuck you. I hate you so much.



March de Chocobo
Bubble Bounce

Welcome to what is one of the most infuriating microgames in the game. I spent a good four hours trying to beat this motherfucking game, and I STILL only won by sheer luck.



Fuck you, cactuars. It doesn't help that there's that gap between bottom and upper screens, too. Fuck Bismarck the whale, fuck cactuars, fuck physics.

I hate you all.

That was an amazing feat! For you, we've got a lovely treat!


Chocobo Village

Haaaaaaaaaaate.

That just now was no ordin'ry deed! Take this, friend, it's just what you need!



EVEN MORE HATE. Are you trying to buy me off with a couple cards?

Hate.



One more thing on the beach and then we're done.



Okay. I really got nothing.



Let's progress with the plot, shall we? I spy something with my little eye that I really want.



Unfortunately, it's blocked by trees. Let's save the chocobo friend, I guess. Second place is better than none.



It's Bluebay! He pulls the bookmobile.

It's great to be out of there! I couldn't move an inch, and my legs fell asleep! Now that I'm on my feet again, I can get the bookmobile moving for you! I can take you anywhere in a jiffy! I'll be relaxing in the square for now. Just come by if you need my speed!

And I bet you thought I was joking about the whole bookmobile thing, right?



Over the bridge and through the....wait shit.

I, Phoenix, shall open the path to the next crystal!



Yeah, thanks. Booko looks kinda tired, though.



Hey, what's this?

What-ho, what-ho! Help a Gob out, guv! This 'ere cockatrice is givin' me a rocky time, but a gold needle oughter fix things proper, innit?

Goblins have a cockney accent. I didn't know this did you know this?



(Microgames have special gold and silver rankings. If you meet the requirements, you'll get two cards! Gold will always reap a rare card! I heard another jailbird talk about certain flashy rare cards, too...)

I...I kinda know about the gold ranks. FUCK BUBBLE BURST.



Is this like that sign where the Mt. Magma Preservation Society told us not to go into the volcano then we did anyway?


Legend of the Deep Forest

Yes. Yes it is.

Next time: Actual progression in the plot. Or more books, hard to tell.