Part 55: Update Fifty Three: The FinaleUpdate Fifty Three: The Finale
Welcome back! Last time, on Final Fantasy IV, we completed the Twins' Trial, which was also the final Trial. Today, we're going to be finishing off the Lunar Ruins, so let's mosey.
So, one of the twins is leading the party. Feel free to guess which one it is, as that would amuse me for some reason.
I still take a fair amount of painkillers, so sometimes, things that bring me joy don't always make sense.
Don't judge me, please. Things tend to hurt and usually a fair amount.
Oh, what the fuck is this? Why won't these Goddamned spawn of Satan's asshole leave me alone!?
Why do they have red eyes!?
Anyways, these here Grudge Puppets aren't much to write home about.
They'll cast Protect on themselves, but not as a counter to physicals. It just kinda pops up every now and then.
They don't have any weaknesses, either, so beat 'em down however you like.
Most of the time, I fail to see how Berserk is a negative status effect.
And here is the Twins' Double Meteor. Other than it costing 20 MP to cast, it takes forever to actually fucking cast and the damage disappoints me. Sure, it's Double Meteor like Golbez and Puddin cast, but...It sucks. Why the hell did they use this spell again?
Enemies are still hemorrhaging gil and XP, which won't change anytime soon.
Just brushing by these creepy little bitches gets you into a fight, so if you want to avoid battling them, you've gotta be smooth.
Oh, what the hell is this!?
Jesus! It hits like Miguel does! Y'know, that boss in Chrono Cross who looks like a gay lawn gnome.
With 60,702 HP, this fucker is sticking around for a while.
Plus, it counters all magic that hits it with Piercing Laser, which deals 10% of the character's max HP in damage.
She (it?) also has Glance, which could end badly.
Thankfully, it was only Cecil. All I've seen him do is cast White Magic on the enemy. Amusingly enough, he cast Cure on the Death Puppet, which healed 1 HP to it. And then Cid was blasted in the face with a laser for it.
I probably don't have to mention that she's a money and XP geyser. But I do like to mention it, since I love that kind of shit.
And she drops fucking Potions. I don't know if this amuses me or makes me shake my fist.
We can go either left or right and I opted to go left. I have no idea what's over to the right and I'll be honest; I don't give a shit. I'm just ready to be done with this Goddamned dungeon.
I actually ended up fighting three of these dolls in this room. You can't run from those fights, either, so I made about $200,000 in this room alone.
Two of those fights were Death Puppets, too, which take forever. 60,000 HP is a lot of health to cut through.
That is the door out of this room. I feel like I should have explored the right side, too, for completeness' sake, but I've already established my feelings on it.
And now, we're in a new part of the ruins. We're so very close to the end.
Well, isn't this a wonderful looking room.
Nothing over on the left, so maybe the right--
Ah, Christ, what now?
...Oh. Well then.
The King Behemoth isn't all that deserving of his title. With 29,834 HP, he's hardly beefier than the regular Behemoths and has pretty much the exact same pattern, including the counters.
So I'll just jump to the end of this fight.
This shit is incredible. I love seeing those numbers. And they'll all be done soon...
And there is nothing on the right side.
But there is another new enemy on the way to the stairs. Part of me really wonders why they're still throwing new enemies at us.
Our Catoblepas buddy here is pretty lame.
He's got the same confusion ability that the Death Puppet did.
And he can inflict Gradual Petrification on people, but that's as much of a not-danger as it ever was.
We get 62,000 gil and 12,400 XP for this monster. I figured you all were tired of seeing those shots of the gil and XP totals.
The Vishnu Vest is for Champ and gives him a +10 boost to Strength, Agility and Stamina; it's also resistant against all attributes, so if we still had Champ with us, this would be a hell of a thing.
And that does it for this floor. These last few floors go pretty quickly.
This is the penultimate floor of the Lunar Ruins. And there is something so very special on this floor.
All of you can quit guessing which twin is leading now. This old man must be blind, since he's clearly talking to a little girl.
Oh, we're going to fight him. And we are going to fucking make him our bitch.
Then consider this next act vengeance for all the souls who have been lost against this beast.
Well, shit, ain't that convenient?
Insert your preferred battle music here. Personally, I like rock or metal for fights like this. But not that one fucking song from the end of FFX. I hate that song.
Meet the Brachiorados. He has 180,000 HP. He can cast Glare, which will basically instantly kill whoever it hits. He brings up his own Reflect and will reflect Blizzaga, Firaga and Thundaga off of himself. He can also cast Bio, Flare and Holy just to bring on extra pain.
But, fuck this asshole. I ain't playin' his games.
He drops this shield 100% of the time, too. I can work my way down here again to get multiple Hero's Shields.
This thing is the greatest shield in the entire game. It is just fucking phenomenal. First off, absolutely anyone in the game can equip it; Goemon, Leave, the twins, Rosa, you name them, they can equip it. It also adds +15 to every single stat. And, finally, any elements that the equipping character resists, are turned into absorptions. Right now, Cecil can absorb Fire, Ice and Lightning.
I gave it to Cecil because Bowser has his bitchin' spear. Cid's hammer is two handed, so he can't equip the shield, plus Masa and Mune don't need the Intellect or Spirit boost and they are more than protected in the back row. As far as straight physicals go, Cecil is now King Shit-Wreckerplus he's faster than a cat on fire.
So, let's continue. With Brachiorados out of the way, there is absolutely nothing left to do here except fight the final, final boss.
Brachy can appear in any of these rooms, so we got lucky by finding him right off the bat.
Alright, folks, here we are. The last staircase.
Well now, don't this look familiar?
We can turn around and flee like a coward, but we've come too far. I've spent too much time in this dungeon to go through it all again.
This is the final save point.
I hope you all won't miss the Cottages too much. Part of me is going to. I've grown rather attached to their homey-appearance.
Mune's ready and so am I. I hope you all are, too, since there ain't no getting offa this train. If you want to see a video of this experience, just click here. There is some of me fumbling around menus in there, just so you know.
I've been known by many names; Leave, Sharkfang Bearfucker, Godslayer and Waifu. Call me whichever one you like.
I...I already told you the names I go by!
I think I hate this guy already.
...Well, now, this is just a room of familiarity.
And I am absolute light. At least, I'm sure that's what Dooky Dingo expects me to say, because he constantly calls me a White Knight. I kinda like it, though.
I'm still the one who is going to stop you in your tracks.
It's been a while since I've had a fight that made me sweat.
And I ask the same of you.
HEAVEN OR HELL
Meet Zeromus EG. He is our ultimate challenge in this game.
He has tons of Zeromus' tricks, but he's got a lot more power behind them. Thankfully, we're a ton more powerful than we were when we fought Zeromus.
As such, Big Bang isn't nearly as terrifying as it once was.
He has 200,000 HP to tear through, so this fight is going to last a good long while.
Any spells directed at him make him cast Reflect on himself, which makes Masa's job a bit trickier.
He'll also attempt to Toad and Mini your party members, as he's kind of an asshole like that.
I don't know what else to do with Masa at the moment.
He has Whirl at his disposal, too, which reduces someone's HP to single digits.
I just want to ask why the fuck he has a woman strapped to his chest. I mean, I can handle the two spike cocks he has and his sword is extra-bitchin', but there is a woman strapped to his chest. Or else she's growing out of his crotch; I don't really know.
Some of the Grimoires have special effects against Zeromus EG; Lunar Odin isn't one of those Grimoires. This was actually the first time I've ever fought him and I couldn't remember what most of the Grimoires did against him, so I just kind of tested here and there until I found something I liked. Lunar Titan is the only one I can remember off-hand.
He has a very powerful Flare to use, too.
As well as Drain. I don't know why, since Drain is fucking awful. It's even a Double-Drain, which still only did 1 damage to Mune.
And then Cap'n Dipshit casts Osmose on Bowser.
I'll give him credit for trying, though.
This is about all Masa can do to get past that Reflect he has up.
Which causes him to try and put up another Reflect.
Which makes Cid need only items to heal. Which isn't all that big of a deal.
This is the beginning of what I assume to be his strongest attack.
Earthquake, Lightning and Flame fly at the party rapidly. This is--
Not really going to intimidate me. Cecil regains 9,999 HP, while everyone else is fixed up with a quick Megalixir.
Lunar Asura supposedly Poisons Zeromus EG, but the Final Fantasy Wiki doesn't say it does. But I coulda sworn I read on another page there that it did, so I'm not sure.
Lunar Leviathan, though, casts Slow on Zeromus EG. I can dig it.
And he puts up another Reflect after that Slow.
And he successfully Minis Cecil and Bowser.
I just wanted to point out that Mini Bowser can still Jump, which amuses me to no end. He still won't do anymore than 1 damage, but hey, I assaulted the ultimate challenge of this game by having a midget body slam him.
Lunar Shiva apparently does something, but I'll be fucked if I know what it is. Cecil was killed by the Sap effect after he had been hit with another Whirl.
Zeromus EG blasts himself in the fact with a Flare. This doesn't really matter in the long run, but I thought it was amusing and that I should share.
Lunar Ramuh...Does something, too. I think it was Silence. Are there any FF4 fans out there who know all the effects of these Grimoires? I probably should have looked harder for it, but I can only stand to look at so many poorly written FAQs before apathy kicks in.
Curse is also in Zeromus EG's arsenal. If you've forgotten what Curse does, it halves Attack and Defense.
Now, Lunar Ifrit might look like he's trying to cast Death on Lunar Ifrit, but apparently, it inflicts Stop.
And Lunar Titan is my favorite Grimoire to use.
Apparently, this Mini effect is also permanent. I would have used it earlier, as then I could have really fucked his day up. However, I knew I had to document his attacks for you folks. But, with him Mini'd, this fight is over.
Cid lands the final blow by bashing his brains out of his asshole.
Now, I'm sure that his death animation is normally very impressive and shit, but when he's Mini'd, it's...A little lackluster. But, c'mon, let's hear a death speech.
I do what I can, mate. I'd say you put up a good fight, but that's not completely true.
I can understand that. If I was turned into a midget and then had my skull bashed in, I'd like a nap, too.
Rest well, friend.
C'mon, let's get outta here.
Smell ya later, Cecil. It was a blast hanging out with you.
And that, folks, as they say, is a wrap.
This LP was a true joy to do. Every reading was fantastic with their comments and their insights. We had some wonderful fan-art from several different people, but PoliteMachineGun deserves a special shout-out, as I loved every single picture she drew. They were all incredible and they more than justify this entire LP.
At first, I wasn't sure that this was the best idea, as Mega64's LP of the SNES game wasn't that long ago. But, just a few updates in, all of you who were reading made me know I made the right choice. This LP was great to do, but it wouldn't have been anything without you guys. All of you reading this are what made this LP worth it. I can't thank you enough for your posts in the thread; even if you're merely a lurker with or without an account, it's still entirely worth it.
All I can say here is thanks. But, I'm done here. From here on out, this show is Silver Falcon's and I wish her the best of luck. I hope she keeps up the wonderful job she's doing, and I hope all of you keep on tuning in for her updates.