Part 10: Batman Returns
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You know, that is a very good question!
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The answer to which is that he ended up here, next to a convenient little cabin.
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Talking to the dog causes Matt to run and hide.
Matt is a brave man.
(But if you're going to hide behind something, Batman is probably a better choice than most.)
Talking to Batman isn't quite as scary.
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You don't happen to know how I could get to Narshe, do you? I got separated from my friends.
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You'd think Matt would have learned some patience during all that martial arts training, but no, he's a musclehead all right.
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Just know that I may leave you at any time...
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That is a trick question, isn't it? You don't turn down the Goddamn Batman.
Or his dog.
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Which is exactly where you want it. If Death gets in front of you, it can get terribly messy.
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Oh, and guess who stripped Indy and Meryl of their relics before fighting the Tunnel Armour? Energy-based Blitz techniques fall under "magic" damage, meaning this boosts Aura Cannon's damage by 25%.
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Let's take a look inside the building.
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This is generic dialogue; it doesn't actually show a name, so it's just assumed someone in the party talks. It shows up in a few other places, too.
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Shucks, maybe it's been ten, I don't remember!
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Clearly, we need to talk to him again!
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Lawnmower repairman, eh? Couldn't provide worse service! Grass's fifty feet high out back!
Uh.
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It'll be on your conscience when I freeze to death!
I kind of feel sorry for him. We can at least take a look at it.
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That... could have gone better.
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A kid? I don't have any kids! Ugh, why'd you have to bring up kids? Makes me sick just thinkin' about it!
I think it's time for you to leave now! Go on, git! Or I'll toss you out onto the Veldt, too!
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I think Matt (or possibly Batman) is speaking for all of us.
And with that, we're kicked out.
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This guy sells stuff.
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I buy like a million shurik... batarangs. They're almost insultingly cheap, but that's good since they're one-use items. (Apparently digging them out of his victims is too much work for Batman.)
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There are new enemies in this area, but they're all vulnerable to being dropped on their heads...
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...or perforated, so the walk to Doma is really nothing special.
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Here's the imperial camp.
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I put Batman in charge of this section because he's probably more stealthy than Matt.
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It's the return of the conversation-between-identical-sprites problem! So I'm recycling the Biggs and Wedge sprites. B is for Black, and A is for... White, okay.
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They say Kefka's plotting to drive away General Leo so he can take over his position as general...
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And don't let me catch you slacking, of I'll make you regret being born!
Kefka waddles off, cackling to himself.
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What's wrong with that guy, anyway?
It's like General Leo got all the good qualities a man could have, and Kefka got stuck with the rest...
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You've gotta be more careful! General Leo may be a decent man, but Kefka... that guy's twisted!
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They actually do a pretty good job of building character for these throwaway NPCs, which makes it kind of sad that they're just about to rush to their deaths.
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The two of you will join the assault squad. Get moving!
As you can see.
(Here's where my "black and white sprites" deal kind of falls apart.)
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They exchange looks, and follow the captain out to the south.
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Cut to Doma Castle, which has seen better days, but it still holding out against the siege.
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The soldiers begin to throw themselves uselessly against the fortified walls, and for some reason this really worries the defenders.
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But suddenly!
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It's a person with a unique sprite!
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And you all know what that means...
...but this update is pretty short. Thus:
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This scenario is short.
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A few more seconds on the river, another couple of encounters utterly trivialized by Banon's mad elite skills.
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Then you're dumped right outside Narshe. Shortest scenario ever.
Oh, if only.
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By the way, riding a chocobo as Banon would cause a graphical glitch in the SNES game. In the remake, it just shows Aeris riding it instead.
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Like so. I suppose that was easier than to fix his actual sprite sheet...
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Narshe, then. The guards still remember Aeris...
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I don't know if they're brave or just stupid, but while Aeris could just set them all on fire, that would rather make a bad impression.
Especially after the whole "invasion" thing.
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Anyway, the guard punches the old man hard enough to knock him back like ten meters, which is pretty impressive for a nameless mook.
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You'd think these guys would know the king of the country within spitting distance, but...
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...he gets the same treatment as Banon.
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Aeris decides not to push her luck.
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No one even bothers to tell her she's wrong. If it didn't work the first 78 times, it's not going to work now.
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Instead, we just head over to the left, after abusing the newbie school's free healing pot.
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And so we have to walk through these caves again. Enemies that were pathetically easy with just Aeris are even less threatening now.
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There's also a "puzzle" in here, though I use the term lightly. The light moves in a certain pattern, and you have to follow it...
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We should be fine as long as we follow the light. If we make a mistake, lights will surround us.
Then we'll have to tag the glimmering orange light to proceed.
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He means like this. If we hit one of the white lights...
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...we're ambushed by a couple of weaklings.
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So let's get it right.
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This place looks familiar...
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And here are our old buddies the moogles! Fortunately, they don't seem mad about those things Indy pilfered.
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There's also a chest here that, again, we're going to leave alone, and I'm not the least bit sorry to see it go. Pfft, as if anyone's going to use physical attacks.
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The moogle cave leads to just outside where Aeris fell down a hole on her first trip through, and pretty soon we're back up here again. It's so much nicer when you're not being hunted by jackasses.
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"Old Man" from the intro has a name now! I suppose he was in too much of a hurry to introduce himself last time. Or maybe it's a different old man with the same sprite. These things happen.
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Of course, maybe with you and the king of Figaro here...
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If we approach them in the right way, there's a good chance they'll agree to let her see it.
This kind of stuff is exactly why I feel it's worth playing the GBA version alongside the SNES thread. Just compare this sequence between the two versions - it's really much nicer in Advance.
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...although the last line is still the same, except for the punctuation.
Remember:
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This guy needs a name.