Part 6: Act VI: The Third Man
Act VI: The Third Man
With Krakhan, Scarboy:, Lava Lamp Goddess, Sinix, Proton Jon: and Diabetus! Oh, and me.
The Story Thus Far:
Golgo has learned the identity of his adversaries - the ones who stole the Cassandra G virus and attempted to frame him:
His ally Ms. Tiffany was killed, his other ally Cherry Grace kidnapped, and his true love - an M16 - stolen. He's alone in Athens and piloting Oz Windham's helicopter, he discovers a bomb onboard and jumps out at the last second - landing in the middle of the Aegean Sea. Hopefully close to the Nazi base.
Someone is going to pay.
Maybe that midget.
The LP So Far:
I have a few guests here, but we'd gone through Acts 3-5 to get here: The stage select won't let me get close because for God knows what reason, it doesn't go to certain stages.
This act originally contained a lot of death and reloads, but I beat it with only one savestate this time around. Once you get used to how glitchy and clunky it is, Golgo's actually pretty easy.
Scarboy:: We have to get through this act, because otherwise, you can't get to it again.
Diabetus: Oh, we're still going?
Sinix: Are you recording this?
Slowbeef: I'm recording this.
Sinix: Oh God.
Diabetus: Oh. Hi, guys.
This is where the game starts getting repetitive and just throws everything into these boring scenes.
Oh no! Five scuba guys? Big deal. The game's broken enough that one or two usually get despawned by the scrolling or just go away entirely.
Haha! This shark thinks it's Ecco.
That dolphin kill was for you, Dave_O. Okay, back to the commentary.
Lava Lamp Goddess: They're like shooting Super Soakers.
Diabetus: What's up with blowing up underwater?
Slowbeef: What's up with this crappy game?
Diabetus: Hey. "Crappy game" is a subjective term. It's relative.
Scarboy: That's deep.
Slowbeef: This is the most boring game ever made!
Diabetus: I'm on the edge of my seat wondering. "What will show up next?"
Slowbeef: "Two more scuba divers?"
Lava Lamp Goddess: "One diver?"
Diabetus: "Is it gonna be.... a diver?"
Sinix: Look, a scuba diver!
Diabetus: "Maybe a submarine."
Diabetus: Maybe it'll be a helicopter to throw us off.
Krakhan: Underwater.
Slowbeef: Just sinking.
Scarboy: Maybe it'll be Golgo 13.
Diabetus: That'd be a plot twist. A clone. Golgo 14.
Lava Lamp Goddess: His clone.
Diabetus: What happened to the first 12 Golgos by the way?
Lava Lamp Goddess: Their eyebrows weren't cool enough.
Diabetus: That was their one flaw that needed fixing.
Scarboy: That guy just has a flashlight and he's like, "What's going on over there?"
Scarboy: Golgo's clone would get more sex. [Oyster joke removed.]
Lava Lamp Goddess: His evil clone? It would have a mustache.
Scarboy: He'd have a mustache instead of chops.
Slowbeef: And he'd wear condoms.
Diabetus: An octopus?
Lava Lamp Goddess: That's a big octopus.
Slowbeef: Fucking Christ!
Proton Jon: Well, if you die here, that means you're gonna continue here, right?
Scarboy: That's the only good thing about these screens.
Diabetus: Are those divers even attacking you?
Slowbeef: No, they're just tourists. And I re-used that joke.
Proton Jon: They just want your picture.
Sinix: They're pearl divers.
Diabetus: They're just pointing flashlights at you. "Is this bothering you? I'm not touching you."
Slowbeef: Why can't this game ever end?
Diabetus: Because it's so much fun. The fun never ends in Golgo 13. Guys? Right?
Proton Jon: Never ends.... never ends....
Krakhan: It's like the never-ending story.
Lava Lamp Goddess: (sings) The never-ending Golgo....
Slowbeef: Oh my God, are they kidding?
Scarboy: You need all these checkpoints. Imagine you go inside this place and you fall into the water.
Lava Lamp Goddess: Don't even say that.
Lava Lamp Goddess: Do the submarines even shoot at you, or do they just hover there?
Slowbeef: I don't even know anymore.
Scarboy: They're just targets.
Krakhan: It's just collateral damage.
Diabetus: A submarine that's vulnerable to a harpoon?
Proton Jon: You're... breakin' the window... ?
Diabetus: "Hey who's that guy over there, he looks- HEY!"
Diabetus: They look like they're smiling.
Slowbeef: Why are there so many paper airplane guys? Stop it! No!
Scarboy: Maybe you could try killing them?
Diabetus: "Sir, do you have a passport, or- hey!"
Sinix: "....No papers."
And look, a Game Over screen!
Diabetus: Your head was crushed. But really your heart was crushed.
Slowbeef: I don't want to do this anymore!
Proton Jon: C'mon, you can do it.
Scarboy: Try not to run into everything. Your Super Metroid tactics of running into everything won't work here.
Slowbeef: I actually beat this as a kid, can you believe that?
Sinix: No you didn't.
Diabetus: You were a kid once?
Slowbeef: Run. Just run.
Lava Lamp Goddess: He doesn't run. He's Golgo.
Krakhan: He walks through in style.
Diabetus: He intimidatingly walks.
Slowbeef: Thank you. Thank you God, thank you.
Diabetus: Golgo's like "Yeah, I just did that."
Scarboy: "Have you come to help me!"
Slowbeef: It's the same conversation as the previous two bases!!!
Diabetus: But now we're in a different place.
Slowbeef: Wait a minute....
Sinix: Oz Windham again?
Slowbeef: Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is the exact same conversation as before!
Diabetus: "Perhaps you remember talking to me two acts ago!"
Scarboy: Is that like a "Princess is in another castle" thing?
(Golgo is actually referring to the "?!" from the last airborne PNZ is Act 5. There's a plane in the background you can't hit. You can see it in that screenshot.)
Slowbeef: He's said a lot.
Proton Jon: He making up for the last act.
Diabetus: Hey, where's all the ellipses?
Diabetus: There they are. Ok, good.
Proton Jon: Apparently, you had sex with the enemy's leader's girlfriend.
Slowbeef: Augh.
Lava Lamp Goddess: A maze!
Proton Jon: I've got the instructions here.
(This next section is just Proton giving me directions for the most part.)
Scarboy: This is so much more productive.
Diabetus: To a chastity belt?
(For the record, judging by the palette, I think this woman is Maria Lovelette from the first Act. By process of elimination she can't be Cherry Grace or Ms. Tiffany. She's certainly not the Mistress of the Green Mansion, and I don't think she's Eve Christy.
Lava Lamp Goddess: "I'll be flying to Rio!"
Diabetus: Oh, you have a new weapon in your inventory.
Proton Jon: Okay, now go back in that door.
Slowbeef: We were just in that door.
Proton Jon: It says take it.
Slowbeef: Okay.
Proton Jon: What the-?
Diabetus: Er....
Proton Jon: Now what?
Sinix: Want me to kill some time? I'll read the instructions.
Diabetus: Maybe there's some Golgo fanfiction someone can recite.
Lava Lamp Goddess: I'll look.
Diabetus: You'll look?
Lava Lamp Goddess: Sure, why not?
Proton Jon: Do you want to find the notebook that's in here or just forget it?
Slowbeef: I wanna find the notebook. How do I find the notebook?
Diabetus: Go to any video rental store.
Proton Jon: Right. Right. Left. Go through that door.
Slowbeef: This is the most entertaining video ever.
Lava Lamp Goddess: I don't think Golgo 13 fanfiction actually exists.
Slowbeef: It doesn't. I looked it up, too.
Diabetus: I refuse to believe that. There has to be something out there.
Scarboy: Hey, it's got the swaztika on it.
Krakhan: It does....
Diabetus: "We will oppose the unlucky 13 and we must wipe him out."
Slowbeef: Who do you think they're talking about?
Sinix: How intriguing.
Diabetus: Something involving a smirk.
Diabetus: So you have a key and the Book of Midora. I feel like we're in a Zelda dungeon.
Slowbeef: Only more boring.
Slowbeef: What the-? He opens the door and he's in Brazil?
End of Act 6.