Part 14: In Which a Suezo and a Giant Doggy Make Out
I just bleached out my eyes [Sep 30th, 1002|10:08 am]
[Current Mood| I don't even know anymore]
[Current Music|Pantera - Bootylicious]
We went to the Official D Cup. I want to put this experience behind me as quickly as possible, so let's get this over with.
Introducing Player 1: Rash! Will he have the infinite ammo cheat? We'll find out as the game begins! Game on, gamers!
It's way too early in the morning to deal with insane people. Colt, go kill him for me.
OH GOD MY SHINS!
Our first opponent looked like a rejected creature from The Neverending Story.
The match began. The two monsters did nothing but stand in place and stare at each other.
I didn't like the way things were going. It didn't help that the announcer was humming the theme from Love Story.
Um, Loongear? Are... are they...?
Yes. They are.
Is it normal to not want to live anymore?
Yes. Yes it is. I ordered some cyanide capsules off ebay if you want some.
Let me see that... These are just Flintstone vitamins with the heads chopped off.
GOD DAMN IT EBAY!
As for the match, Rash's opponent was so infatuated that it forfieted the match. I never want to see my suezo seduce another monster again for the rest of my life.
Next up was a meerkat, or something.
He got the usual drugging treatment. I would complain about Rash's cheating, but anything's better than the last fight.
Oh god. If Rash resorts to cunnilingus to win this, I'm going to jump into the mouth of the nearest monster and end it right fucking now.
Oh, uh... Well... You see... Oh hey, the match is starting!
I was pleasantly surprised, as Rash actually did a real attack this time. It did a charging headbutt right into that pixie's fuzzy bosom.
And- and I guess that was her weak point. Oh well.
I don't even know how he won this. I went to the concession stand, and when I came back that scorpion thing was a husk on the floor.
The final opponent was... What the fuck?
It's... it's a midget hooker. Why is Rash fighting a midget hooker?
I'm glad he was frightened by this thing, too. I don't think my heart could have taken it if Rash tried another round of seduction. Instead, it ran away. I ran away too.
Buuut we had enough wins to conquer the tournament, so that unpleasantness didn't affect us.
And even better, Rash gained some more stats. Cheaters seem to prosper after all.
Welp, I've gone up another rank. Only... How many more left, Colt?
6? I think? Maybe.
It's going to be a long career. I think I need to cry now.
While I cry and try desperately to repress the day's events, I'll let you kind folks decide what we'll train up next.