Part 32: Devouring D Cup
BOOYA! [April 2nd, 1007|06:45 pm]
[Current Mood| there's a seed stuck in my teeth]
[Current Music|Justin Timberlake - Crazy Train]
Oh, I dare all right. I dare.
I don't see that crazy guy anywhere.
He's in the bleachers, holding a toddler over his head.
Do you see it, young monster fan? DO YOU!?
He let out a shriek and spiked the kid like a football. He survived, but he'll probably have a whole whack of brain damage to show for it. To avoid a lawsuit, IMA officials gave the kid's parents a 2 for 1 errantry coupon for the child. They seemed pleased with that.
First match: A super solider slime vs. a glass dog.
Scratch that. A tiny glass dog. I didn't think anything could be smaller than Colt, yet there it is.
Solid gave the dog a slight tap with his hand, shattering it. That's one match down.
Next was... ugh.
Did you know they have breeding websites for these things? And I'm not talking about raising a monster.
Solid grabbed that- that thing with one hand, and hurled it into the audience. Some dude in the back wearing an old trenchcoat pocketed the monster and ducked out of the arena. I guess we won, but thinking about where that monster is now makes losers out of us all.
Third match was against a lemur. I don't even know why people raise these things. A butterfly could land on its head and kill it.
Solid slammed his palms into the ground on either side of the lemur. The shockwave from the impact was enough to disintegrate the critter. Whatever works, I guess.
Our final match was against a giant lobster. I sent Colt out to get as much butter as she could find, for the post-victory celebration. That's right, I am going to eat that monster's dead flesh once Solid wins. What are you going to do about it? NOTHING.
The lobster made an attempt to cut Solid in half with its claws, but that only gave him the chance to punch that thing in its belly, knocking it across the ring.
Solid went on to open him mouth as wide as possible, and eat the lobster whole. I am going to throw so many rocks at him when we get home. What's worse is now I have 30 pounds of butter just sitting around the ranch. What am I supposed to do with 30 pounds of butter?
Would you like to meet the winner, young monster fan?
Is that a different kid he's holding up?
No, it's the same one.
Wasn't he supposed to be in the ER?
I think so. I did see an ambulance take him away.
You've got to say this much about that guy. He's dedicated.
MINE! MINE! GIMME! MINE!
You nearly pulled my arm off!
I'll be over there now...
Then go get some. It's all over the ground.
No, that's what Solid wrote on the stable wall.
Why does he want dirt?
I dunno, but it costs $250. We can just take it out of the prize money, and-
Ok nevermind. Besides, I have more important things to do than feed a monster some dirt.
Like my new Fun Can!
Done! Hooray! I have a ducken!
Damn, Colt. That was cold.
I'm not letting another monster eat my ducken! He's mine and I'm naming him Herman.
That's... great. I'll just go work on our training plan now.
You know the drill, folks. Choose his stats wisely.