The Let's Play Archive

Monster Rancher

by Mr. Swoon

Part 37: Official A Cup

All right, Holly. We'll do it your way. To the A Cup!

Up next was another goddamn pixie. When I was a kid, I'd read stories of pixies dying because people didn't believe in them. J.M Barrie was a liar.

I think that was just fairies.

Whatever! They're both tiny women with wings and very little clothing.

It's because of them dressing like that, that I had to kill that who- um... Hey, the match is about to start!

Megatron pulled out his trusty cyclone, which was promptly dodged.

That goddamn fairy then proceeded to scratch out Megatron's eyes with her press-on nails.

This is not an auspicious start.

Do you even know what that word means?

Up next was a cape and mask. If Megatron loses to some clothing, I'm just going to quit my job and open up a gas station or something.

I do have to say that I love looking at Megatron's power rank. I bet he could crack buildings in half just by breathing on them.

Megatron was as frustrated by his loss as I was, and took it out on that mask. With a single kick, he sent the sun flying into... the sun. I think. It might burn up in the atmosphere. This means no Texaco in my future, at any rate.

The next opponent was kind of creepy. He kept giggling. Not in a cute "hee-hee" kind of way, but more of a Deliverance "HAWR HAWR HAWR" way. And I don't think Megatron knows how to squeal like a pig.

One thing he does know? Hitting.

You can just see the shock and fear in the hillbilly golem's eyes as Megatron rains down upon him.

Yeah, I don't think I need to pump up his power any further.

Next was some kind of bird/flower hybrid. I don't know, I'm not a botanist.

I also minored in botany.


At least you could say the plant was healthy.

You could also tell by the spring of its foliage!

That was plant thingy's strongest attack. This is just embarrassing.

I don't think Megatron realized he was in a match. He picked up the plant thing, sat down, and played "she loves me, she loves me not" with the plant screaming the whole time.

Someone glued googly eyes onto the caterpillar.

I thought it would be cute.

Sweet Moses, that thing has power kind of almost close to Megatron's! This might actually be a difficult match.

Of course, I kid. Megatron went to flick off the fake eyes, and accidentally crushed its real ones.

Somebody let Sonic the Hedgehog sneak into the fight.

Wasn't me this time. I don't even know what a Sonic is.

Fuckin' hedgehogs, man.

Luckily, Megatron managed to nail it with a cyclone.

And in another stroke of luck, Sonic didn't have any rings left.

Holly, why is there a wall in the arena?

That's a monol.

It's a monster? How does it... well, do anything, really?

Do you really want to know?

Of course not.

Has about as much defense as you'd expect from a wall.

That didn't stop Megatron from kicking it to little bits of rubble. And with that, the tournament was ours.

You're still going on about his fame? Jesus, Holly.

I want him to be on television!

You don't even watch TV!

I still want him on it. Wouldn't you like to be on television, Megatron?

He'd clap for anything. Hey Megatron, would you like to have clams for dinner?

Regardless, we're almost at the top! We're S-Rank trainers now. There's a very large secret society of monster breeders in S Rank. We should be getting all kinds of special invitations very soon.

Well then, I guess we need to work on pumping Megatron into something that will make those illuminados cry. I don't think we need to focus on power anymore, but I'll still leave the final decision up to the internet at large.