Part 31: This Is for Kicking Me Out of the Theater, Jackass
Chapter 10: This Is for Kicking Me Out of the Theater, Jackass
QfG2 Manual posted:
The Land of Shapeir
Shapeir is a small Sultanate in the South. It consists of two major mountain
ranges surrounding a desert of sand dunes. Its climate is arid and extremely
hot in the Summer. It has two major cities: the capital, Shapeir, in the
north, and Raseir in the south. Shapeir's principal income is from imports
and exports as it is along a major trade route. It is noted for its exotic
scenery and fascinating bazaars.
Background and History
The twin cities were built around Katta settlements (see Sentients of
Shapeir) protected by mountain barriers. Magical springs which never run dry
create the central fountains of the cities. Both Raseir and Shapeir were
designed as mirrored cities, with the Sultan's Palace in Shapeir, and the
Emir's in Raseir.
Some thousand years ago, a Marid called Iblis (see Djinn) attempted to rule
the world and turn all men into slaves. He created a huge city in the desert
and tried to summon the Djinn to his side. The Sultan Suleiman bin Daoud in
turn summoned all the magical Djinn he could bind, and a great war occurred.
Iblis was defeated and bound into the form of a statue. Ruins remain near
Raseir of what is now called the 'Forbidden City.'
The Sultan is the absolute ruler of the realm. The current Sultan, Harun
al-Rashid, is noted for his wisdom and judgment. The Emir is the governor of
Raseir. During the past year, the Emir of Raseir is rumored to have
disappeared, and there have been disquieting tales about the current
political situation.
What’s new, Stu?
Ugh. You still got that magic rope from two days ago? Sorry, Barry, but I sold it already. What?! To who?! To you, foo. Throw me the dough and you get the rope, dope. …How the hell do you even stay in business? Location, location, location.
…And now I’ve got a headache.[TIME PASSES…]
Stop trying to hit me and hit me!
If you will but be seated, the poet Omar will begin. What? When did this happen? Oh right, you never came in last night, so I had no chance to speak to you. At the table before you sit the poet Omar and his friend Ja’afar. Omar sometimes comes to speak his poems at our inn now. Ah, gotcha. I’ll sit down then.
Omar
Comes a hero from the North,
riding on the very air,
And this is sign the first to then beware,
For Darkness soon shall fall and shadow cover all,
The city and the ones now living there.
The first Doom shall be Fire,
which shall burn the very stone,
The next is Air, and rocks are overthrown,
Earth shall be the third,
then the final Doom is heard,
The Water gone, the city parched like bone.
Unless the one called Hero is a Hero true indeed,
Who comes to help the city in its need,
Then will face the depths of Doom
in the darkness of the Tomb,
From the Elemental’s Master, we are freed.
Great, so now there’s a prophecy about me, too. Okay guys, I get it, I’m your only hope, vacation’s over, etc. How come being a Hero means having to be reliable? And damn it all, why does it have to be me? Well, no point stewing in it. So, it’s Omar, right?I am the Poet, Teller of Tales
that all might hear,
Speaker of Speeches, Weaver of Words
for all Shapier,
Giver of Gossip, Writer of Rhymes,
Narrator of News,
I am called Omar, Teacher of Truths
to all now near.
Yeah, bitch, he’s Omar. Gangsta’s got Mad Rhymin’ Skills. Uuuuhhhhh, thanks. Who’s your friend?Companion, conscience,
ready to defend,
Teller to those that
they may comprehend,
A man of pride,
yet sits he by my side,
A person I am pleased
to call my friend.
I’m Ja’afar, bitch. My homie always be talkin’ in rhyme, yo, so I got to tell it like it is. I never thought I’d look fondly on my conversations with Keapon Laffin. So what’s the deal with this poem you just spoke? Why do you have to lay it all on me like that?It is whispered
by the Katta
That a hero
had been sought.
By their kindred
seeking elsewhere
To this city
he was brought.
From their homeland
they were banished;
Now they seek there
to return
And their hero
shall return them
To the place
they ever yearn.
What were you thinkin’, that bein’ a Hero don’t mean workin’? Bitch, you ain’t here to catch a break. You here to fuckin’ SERVE. Yeah, I knew that, but what’s all this stuff about fire and earth coming to kill us all? Why am I the only person who can apparently do anything about it?The Dark has touched her,
and has turned aside,
All things of light that
once did there abide.
Rasier is left to crumble
in despair,
Thus wickedness and folly now reside.
But in the Doer’s
arrogance and pride,
The light grows ever stronger
now outside,
A hero strives to force
the darkness back,
And into the morning shall
be Rasier’s guide.
The Darkness gathers, and
a man then strives
To do evil to another –
Darkness thrives
The Darkness smiles, and
those it gathers fight
Delighting in Darkness as
it takes their lives.
You may ask, “What is a hero?”
Yet the answer’s very clear,
He’s the one that faces fear
When the Darkness gathers near.
Yo, man, Rasier be all fucked up. Some som’bitch covered it in Darkness, and now it’s comin’ here to Shapier. You got to be the LIGHT, bro, else nobody’s gonna see no more. God damn it. God DAMN it. That’s it; I’m going for a walk.
Hey Issur? Yeah, you’re getting robbed now. In fact, I’m even going to take that bellows you nailed to your sign, you muscle-brained nut.
(Mostly I just wanted to test out my new rope.)
Wow, it doesn’t even feel like it’s attached at the top; it’s just stiff all the way through.The magic user can get the bellows by using levitate. The fighter can’t climb, but he can convince Issur to wager the bellows on an arm wrestling contest.
Up late, citizen? I don’t suppose you have a good reason to be out this late? …Hey, wait a minute, you’re that Hero the Katta are all going on about, aren’t you? Um, heh heh, guilty as charged. Well, I guess a Hero like yourself would have important business to do this late at night. You be sure to report anything suspicious though, alright? Sure thing, officer. Carry on.
I guess being a hero does have its perks.
Better close the door behind me. I’d hate to think what would happen if a guard wandered past while I was busy.
Crap, I thought about it.
Who hides their gold under a freaking anvil? Man this thing is heavy! Maybe if I greased it up a bit with the oil?
Booyah! I am the man!
Just one lock left. Nice and easy…*You find 100 dinars and 500 centimes, which you happily put away.*
A hundred gold dinars and all my shopping’s already done. This may yet be a fun time after all.